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Old 05-10-2011, 05:49 PM   #11
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Re: Should I stay home?

I'm all for having the money, but you have $24,000 in debt? Like you don't have a mortgage ontop of that? I applaud your dedication & self reliance, but plenty of people I know(myself included) have a mortgage for debt. Mine is shy of $131,000. I sneeze at your $24,000! Plenty of people have car loans(my BIL who is a DOCTOR!) and yet have kids.
I would never let debt keep me from having a child. I do home daycare, and even after the kid's leave for the day, thinking about going off to another job.


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Old 05-10-2011, 06:09 PM   #12
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Working 84 hours a week sounds crazy. Doing that while pregnant sounds impossible and dangerous. Definitely lose one if the jobs. I would consider waiting to TTC until you are closer to where you want to be financially though if advanced maternal age is not an issue.

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Old 05-10-2011, 08:15 PM   #13
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Re: Should I stay home?

Definitely not a failure; just overwhelmed. If that $24,000 is on top of your household bills including the mortgage, I would wait until you are closer to where you want to be for the second baby, but that's just me. I definitely wouldn't be working two full time jobs even if I could bring my lo with me for one of them.

I'm curious. Why would you drop the higher paying job? Could you ask them if you could switch to your house so that your hours will be smaller by the commute at least? Could your hubby pick up a part time job instead of you working two full time jobs? Could you job share with another person for the nanny position? Could you ask your employers at the nanny position to drop the housework and just let you care for the kids?

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Old 05-11-2011, 10:08 AM   #14
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Re: Should I stay home?

You know, I'm pretty hard-core about working to pay off debts and to better yourself and your family---but your schedule is ridiculous! PLEASE do yourself a favor and quit one of your jobs. I'd say quit immediately, but if your debt will loom over your head and drive you crazy, maybe you can work both jobs just a few more months and pay off the $6k car loan? That will still give you a couple of months to work "normal" hours and regain some health and sanity before TTC #2.
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:48 AM   #15
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Re: Should I stay home?

Gosh, there are all sorts of factors in this decision.

First, I will say that even the get out of debt guru Dave Ramsey always says to have kids first. I even once heard him tell a couple to put their debt snowball on hold to save to pay for an IVF.

Second, I think 84 hours a week working is CUH-RAZY. I think it's crazy when single non-parents do it and I think it's extra crazy when parents do it. If there was some sort of investment involved, like say doing a doctor's residency where you are learning and working towards a higher paying position or something, where it's a temporary situation, that's a bit more understandable. But that doesn't seem to be the case with this.

Third, the other side of the coin says that $24k in debt is really a small amount and at a rate of $1500 a month, you are talking about being debt free in 18 months or less. When you put that against a rate of $500 a month having you out of debt in like 4 yrs, that's a big difference and something to consider.

Fourth, you mentioned being tired of putting other kids first...but you can stop that without quitting the jobs. Start treating all of the kids equally-each kid gets their own day to decide the activities. Each kid gets their own day to decide lunch, etc. And, as another poster mentioned, if it's possible, see if you can take the kids at your house. If you aren't at their house to mess it up, it will still stay clean. Since you are already considering quiting, you could put it like "I really need to start watching your children in my own home. If that's not something that is possible, I am going to need to hand in my resignation."

Another compromise to consider...could you quit just one of the jobs, then ask for a raise at the other to try to make up some of the difference in income?
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:54 AM   #16
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Re: Should I stay home?

Here's what I would consider -

You have a lot of debt, your jobs are helping you pay off debt. Now, if you quit your job/jobs, would you still be able to pay off debt or would it be a constant struggle? What about working until baby2 is born and then being a SAHM?

Forgive me, I'm an engineer, for me it's an analytical thing...when you work, are you bringing home enough to pay for childcare + pay off debt/bills? When you are a SAHM, you obviously won't be paying childcare, you can work on being thrifty, but is your H's income+your night job enough to cover your debts/bills?
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Old 05-11-2011, 11:44 AM   #17
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Re: Should I stay home?

Is that your TOTAL debt?

I wouldn't let my debt snowball out of control to save for an IVF. I think kids are important, but I think being responsible with money is important too. I realize getting out of debt is as hard as losing 100lbs. It feels like it never ends.

I think i'd quit the nanny job. Perhaps you can watch a few kids in your home, and run the child care YOUR way. There are tons of resources to learn how to start and run a childcare. You'd still be working too many hours, and you'd still be exhausted, but it's yours, and your house, so it seems more worth while.

How many hours is your husband working?
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Old 05-11-2011, 12:45 PM   #18
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Re: Should I stay home?

So if you quit one of your jobs, you'd still be able to pay the bills and you'd just be putting less towards your debt snowball? Have you done out the math on how long it will take to get rid of the debt under the current plan and then again if you cut your work hours down? I feel like you need to see what the difference would be and then decide if it's worth the stress to you to continue on the current path or if a change can/should be made.

84 hours a week is insane. The only way I could see doing that would be in a short term situation (say an accountant during the last 6 weeks of tax season) or as a medical resident or something like that (and even residents are now supposed to be limited in their work hours). It's just not a tenable situation IMO, especially if your spouse doesn't SAH.
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:38 PM   #19
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Re: Should I stay home?

I spoke with my doctor about this. He told me I would never regret staying home with my son. If my husband's job keeps going at its current rate, I may very well quit my job to save my sanity. I already regret not staying home with him for the last few years. Soon he'll be in school and that will be the end of it.

So I feel your pain.
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Old 05-12-2011, 09:11 AM   #20
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Re: Should I stay home?

You work that many hours and aren't getting paid more? I would ask for a HUGE raise at the nanny job or quit! I think you should be making twice the amount you are. If they aren't going to give you a giant raise that would make it worth it to work until you TTC, I would say end the job.
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