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Old 05-16-2011, 08:41 AM   #1
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Moms of 4 or more

Moms of 4 or more kids do you ever feel like you're a "hassle" to other family? Like for Holidays when it's at someone elses house, do you feel like you're seen as an inconvienence becasuse of the size of your family?

We only have 2 kids now, but want 4-6 kids total. By the time we have 4 we'll be doing Thanksgiving at our house, but I just wonder sometimes if my family members will be reluctant to invite us to birthday parties and such.

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Old 05-16-2011, 09:13 AM   #2
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

No, my family and dh's family does not make us feel like we're burdens. However, I have noticed that friends invite us over much less often than they used to. They tell me it's because they are nervous about hosting so many kids and I believe them--it's not for everyone (and my kids are awesome, very well-behaved kids!) They are afraid my kids will be bored or whatever. The only ones that do invite us over are ones with large yards for the kids to play in or other families with 4+ kids.
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Old 05-16-2011, 09:20 AM   #3
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

Sometimes I feel like that, but then sometimes I think it's all in my head!!
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Old 05-16-2011, 12:53 PM   #4
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

My friend has four and was just saying she notices, that she tends to only get invited to outdoor events, or family events close to her home. I think no one feels they have room in their houese to host events with all her family and others. Mostly she feels like if the event isn't around the corner or at a park she probably won't be invited or be able to go. She also is realistic, that if her family in the next state invites her to something she either leaves the kids behind or has to get a hotel, no one has room to house 6 people on top of their own families and others who might come to town. She has started to accept it as part of chosing a larger family.
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Old 05-16-2011, 01:18 PM   #5
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

I think it depends on the family. I know some with just one kid that I avoid inviting if at all possible. There is one family I know that I don't invite to anything that involves food. They have five kids and turn the kids loose on the food table, grubby little hands and all. Great family, just no manners when it comes to that sort of thing. I really think that it sort of comes with the territory but you can make it better by teaching your kids basic manners and accommodating for your large family. Like if there is a potluck, bring several dishes knowing your family will eat more than the average family,
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Old 05-16-2011, 01:29 PM   #6
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

Our family does not make us feel like that. Our friends don't either, but they mostly consist of other larger homeschool families. So, in my social circle, I have the small family.
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:12 PM   #7
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

My husband's family makes it clear they think we have too many to get together often. We just got together with them yesterday, actually. His brother has 3 kids the same age as 2 of our 5. (We have twins. They have triplets. Born within 6wks of each other.) His brother is not a kid person and honestly...he doesn't like being around his own kids. (Sad, but a different thread.) He brother makes it clear that he thinks getting the two families together is crazy and shouldn't be done. I don't get it, personally. It always goes just fine. The kids get along and are good. His kids are the ones "pilfering" food and such not mine. Anyway, his parents have told us that there are now too many people for everyone to get together often. When we are there they (and his brother and sister) often make comments about how crazy things are. I think it's ridiculous since like I said, everything goes smoothly and there are never problems. We are a little hurt by it, but we try to take it in stride. We love our big family and can't wait to have it grow.

My family has never made us feel that way. They love our family, think our kids are fun and well behaved. They plan things around us and always include us.

There are some holidays we have decided we will almost always be doing at home now that we have 5 kids. It's just too much trouble to pack everyone up for every holiday. We will happily invite others here, but won't be going out for Christmas or Easter any more.

Also, we are more than willing to have any friends/family over here instead of them hosting us.

We have never had a problem with friends. However, all of our friends have at least 3 kids and plan to have more.

I do bring extra food to functions when it's a pot luck type thing. In fact, at Bible study every Monday, it's optional to bring a snack for everyone to share. I am the only one who always brings something. (And, it is always homemade too.) And, with that said...I have cookies to make
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:21 PM   #8
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Re: Moms of 4 or more

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodah View Post
I really think that it sort of comes with the territory but you can make it better by teaching your kids basic manners and accommodating for your large family. Like if there is a potluck, bring several dishes knowing your family will eat more than the average family,
Yeah, I get told all the time that my four kids are better behaved than someone else's one. And at potlucks I always bring enough to fee my family and then some, because my kids EAT like I don't ever feed them! lol


Quote:
Originally Posted by syfitz View Post
Our family does not make us feel like that. Our friends don't either, but they mostly consist of other larger homeschool families. So, in my social circle, I have the small family.
Yeah, when most your friends have 5-7 kids, four is nothing! LOL! I feel like the odd one out in my homeschool group with 'only' four.


I will say that we get invited to stuff ALL.THE.TIME, either from family or friends. And a lot of times its inconvenient for me so we don't go. My kids are younger (2,4,6,8) so some of my friends with 1-2 kids don't understand why I don't want to go to dinner and movie - I know my 2yo will not sit. Or if we go camping, its not fun for me to have to bring a million and one things for my younger one, and my DH is deployed, so I'm crazy, but not crazy enough to go camping with four kids by myself!

The only thing that really annoys me is we're military and live in Alaska. And our families live in Arizona - I get asked at least 1-2 times a year 'when are you bringing the grandkids to visit' by our parents. Hello - you have to buy 1-2 tickets (at around $900 a pop from AK!) and you can stay in our guest room. We have to buy 6, and get a hotel or condo because you don't have room for us. For that reason, we hardly ever go home to visit, and we get told that we need to come more often. They just don't seem to understand that we can't afford 5K a trip a few times a year (we go home maybe once every 3 years).
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