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Old 05-17-2011, 04:22 PM   #1
Terra
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Toilet Learning help!

My 4 y.o. is completely TL'ed. My almost 3 y.o. Will be 3 June 30th] is finally learned in peeing only. He wears underwear all day now!! Yay!! BUT the big issue, like with his brother, is doing a BM in the toilet. My 4 y.o. about 2 months ago was finally fully learned poop/pee. He was pee learned for about a year before doing the other.

Anyway, He poops in his underwear. Won't give me a heads up or anything but knows full well what he's doing because he'll tell me after it's done and giggle.

Right now I just take him into the restroom, don't say anything, change him, rinse the poo in the toilet [so he can see], put clean underwear on him and out he goes.

Now the consequence for him is that he doesn't get ice cream as a treat and it really bugs him when his brother does

Any suggestions on what to do? How to help him a long? I thought about letting him go naked and see if that will help. He'll pee all day long in the toilet all on his own. But forget it when it comes to poop!

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Old 05-18-2011, 05:19 AM   #2
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

Anyone? Please tell me I'm not alone in this struggle What worked for you?
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Old 05-18-2011, 05:43 AM   #3
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

I don't have "great" advise but do you let him see where you put the poo? Dumping it in the toilet? If he uses the big toilet maybe a small one for poo would be more comfy? My DD would pee in the big one but poo in the small kido one only for along time.
You could watch and see if there is a pattern of what time of day he goes and start asking him about 10 min b4 or so?
DD3 would just be having way to much fun and then........."oh no I need to poo" but it was to late so she just went in her panties.
Oh and I would keep the little one in the living room.
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Old 05-18-2011, 06:43 AM   #4
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

I'm right there with you. Dd2 doesn't want to poop on the potty - her words. She used to do it and refuses. She's stubborn and won't give in easily. We're up to no Sunday School if you poop in your pants that week (you're supposed to be fully potty trained to go so church rule more than mine), she can't go play at friends houses until she starts pooping on the potty (no way am I asking another Mom to clean her up) and the latest is she can't go outside to play if she poops in her pants. She hasn't pooped on the potty in almost 2 months and I'm so tired of cleaning her pants out.

Dd2 is not consistent with when she poops or I'd be all over her and run her to the potty the second it looked like she was starting to poop.
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:28 AM   #5
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

DD didn't poo on potty for longest time either. And she was a master at being sly and sneaky. She could be standing right next to you and poo her pants and you wouldn't know it until you smell it. It got to the point where I would ask her why in a very stern voice and just tell her poop goes in the potty. She also only got a treat when all her poop went in the potty.

And then somehow I just layed off everything, wasn't asking her if she needed to go potty every 1/2 hour (if she hadn't gone) and magically it all just clicked for her at about 3yo. Now she pretty much stays dry all night too, sometimes tells us she has to potty during the day, but most of the time she just runs in and shuts the doors and does her business. We still assist in wiping for poo, but she does the rest.
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:51 AM   #6
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

*sigh* I went through this with my first son and now my second is struggling with it as well. (And according to my mother their mom did it when she was little. Go figure. We're a bunch of anal retentive nuts.)

Anywho, DS1 we started training/teaching/learning at age 2. Poop hardly ever went into the potty, but pee wasn't too much of an issue. After he turned 3 I asked my mother to make him some boxer underwear. I put it on DS1 and explained that if he pooped in his cool new underwear that it would roll down his leg and onto the ground. He happened to be outside, wearing long pants (where it really squished all over his legs instead of just rolling out) when he did it the first and only time. He was really distressed and grossed out. He never purposely avoided pooping in the toilet after that. He might have had a little skid mark, but no full bowel movements.

My youngest is 2 months shy of being 3. We just started teaching him to use the potty two weeks ago. We did the no pants/undies/pullups/bear bottom thing for 3ish days at home. He pooped in his little potty once and was mortified. His sister suggested to him that maybe he should poop in the big potty and just pee in his beloved (winnie the) pooh potty. So now he tells me that he will only poop in the big potty, but he still resists and tries to hold it.

Right now, he wears loose pants with no underwear to "catch" the poop in. I think he knows it, because he will get all antsy and fussy and come lean on me when he has to go but is trying not to. He will go into the bathroom, open the big potty, and is obviously trying to work up the nerve to go. TMI warning. I will check him and if he is starting to go, take him and put him on the big potty. Sometimes he finishes. Sometimes I just clean up what little he has between his cheeks while he fusses. Then an hour or two later, he HAS to go and we put it in the potty.

Once I was upstairs gathering up a load of laundry and heard him crying hysterically downstairs. He was standing in front of an open potty with a little brown friend on the floor next to him. He was sooooo upset about it. He obviously knew he was about to poop whether he wanted to or not and was trying to get on the big potty to do it.

I get the impression that he really WANTS to poop in the big potty, but there is some sort of hang up he is working through. He fusses the entire time he is going and then is soooooooooooo happy and proud when he is done and gets to flush and have a treat.

He won't get to wear underwear of any kind until he gets past this poop business. I am hoping that the more we can catch poops in the potty (because that's really what we are doing), the more positive experiences he will have with it.

That said, he last pooped on SUNDAY. He's an every other day pooper so he's holding it. I may have to break out the apple juice.

Sorry this got so long. My boys just don't like to believe they poop. My daughter was ready to do anything in the potty as soon as she found out she could get a treat. (the little piggie)
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Old 05-18-2011, 02:09 PM   #7
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
*sigh* I went through this with my first son and now my second is struggling with it as well. (And according to my mother their mom did it when she was little. Go figure. We're a bunch of anal retentive nuts.)

Anywho, DS1 we started training/teaching/learning at age 2. Poop hardly ever went into the potty, but pee wasn't too much of an issue. After he turned 3 I asked my mother to make him some boxer underwear. I put it on DS1 and explained that if he pooped in his cool new underwear that it would roll down his leg and onto the ground. He happened to be outside, wearing long pants (where it really squished all over his legs instead of just rolling out) when he did it the first and only time. He was really distressed and grossed out. He never purposely avoided pooping in the toilet after that. He might have had a little skid mark, but no full bowel movements.

My youngest is 2 months shy of being 3. We just started teaching him to use the potty two weeks ago. We did the no pants/undies/pullups/bear bottom thing for 3ish days at home. He pooped in his little potty once and was mortified. His sister suggested to him that maybe he should poop in the big potty and just pee in his beloved (winnie the) pooh potty. So now he tells me that he will only poop in the big potty, but he still resists and tries to hold it.

Right now, he wears loose pants with no underwear to "catch" the poop in. I think he knows it, because he will get all antsy and fussy and come lean on me when he has to go but is trying not to. He will go into the bathroom, open the big potty, and is obviously trying to work up the nerve to go. TMI warning. I will check him and if he is starting to go, take him and put him on the big potty. Sometimes he finishes. Sometimes I just clean up what little he has between his cheeks while he fusses. Then an hour or two later, he HAS to go and we put it in the potty.

Once I was upstairs gathering up a load of laundry and heard him crying hysterically downstairs. He was standing in front of an open potty with a little brown friend on the floor next to him. He was sooooo upset about it. He obviously knew he was about to poop whether he wanted to or not and was trying to get on the big potty to do it.

I get the impression that he really WANTS to poop in the big potty, but there is some sort of hang up he is working through. He fusses the entire time he is going and then is soooooooooooo happy and proud when he is done and gets to flush and have a treat.

He won't get to wear underwear of any kind until he gets past this poop business. I am hoping that the more we can catch poops in the potty (because that's really what we are doing), the more positive experiences he will have with it.

That said, he last pooped on SUNDAY. He's an every other day pooper so he's holding it. I may have to break out the apple juice.

Sorry this got so long. My boys just don't like to believe they poop. My daughter was ready to do anything in the potty as soon as she found out she could get a treat. (the little piggie)
Don't apologize! your post helped a lot, as well as the others!

Yeah with my oldest he held it for about 4 days, I called the doctor and he said to go ahead and do a child's glycerine suppository to help him. I didn't give him any diapers of course so it was either his underwear or the potty and he did it on the potty. Like your son, fussed the whole time. This happened twice then it clicked! From then on he's had no issue!

And I confess I a little at your "little brown friend comment!"
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:44 PM   #8
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

My DD was terrified of pooping in the potty, though - like your son - she had no issues peeing in there. She would hold it in all day and within 5-10 minutes of having a training pant on after I put her in bed she would call to me that she had pooped. Drove.Me.CRAZY! This would happen even after we had just spent 30 minutes sitting on the potty waiting for the poop to come out.

Finally, one night she was taking a bath and she started freaking out, wanting out of the tub. I *knew* it was because she had to poop because she kept asking me for her training pants. So, I sat her on the potty (amidst sobs, of course) and gave her a big bear hug and told her it was ok to poop. She must've had to go bad, because even though I was holding her and she was in full-on tantrum mode, she did still poop, and immediately afterwards her cry turned into a sort of laugh and she said "I did it!" and we never had an accident since.

Not sure if that will help you any, but maybe he is just afraid and needs to get past his fear somehow?
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:58 PM   #9
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

With DS2, we eventually had to let him sit in the poop for a little bit - long enough for him to feel uncomfortable in it. He finally figured out after much reminding from us that if he went in the potty, his bottom wouldn't hurt at all (he's super sensitive and it doesn't take much to make him uncomfortable). I despise potty training. With my older boys the whole process from start to completely being dry took about a year with big ups and downs in the middle. I think that instead of going slowly and trying to let the child lead, that I'll try one of the quick-train methods with DS3 when he starts showing signs of being ready.
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:24 AM   #10
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Re: Toilet Learning help!

Here's what we did in a similar situation...

My DD, after a long and horrific battle over PLing, started wanting to poop in her pants again. She, like your son, KNEW she had to go, and would tell me after she had gone, and smirk, thinking it was funny.

The first few times she did it, I tried very hard not to let her see how frustrated I was, and, like you, I just cleaned it up, didn't say anything and sent her on her way. But she just kept doing it.

Finally, when I'd had it - I could see she KNEW full well what she was doing - I very serious-faced, took her out in the (full privacy fenced) back yard and told her that from now on, when she poops on herself, I will have to hose her off to get her clean b/c poop is nasty and I don't want it in the bathtub, that it should ONLY go in the toilet. (It was summertime, and NOT cold at all - we're in FL like you, so you get how hot it was - this wasn't by any means like the insane lady doing the cold shower treatment). I was super serious about it. I had her take off her pants and I hosed her off, after which she had to go inside and clean herself off and get dressed again.

We did that twice and she never, ever has ever pooped herself again and it's been almost a year now.

There was no yelling, no anger, no belittling, I just simply said, "well, I wish you wouldn't poop in your pants. When you do that and I clean you up, poop gets in the bathtub. I can't keep getting poop in the bathtub, the bathtub needs to stay clean, since that's where we take a bath. So we're going to have to hose you off outside. I'm sorry honey, but poop belongs in the toilet ONLY. Let's go get you cleaned up." At first she laughed and looked at me like it sounded like fun. Then she saw my serious face and she started crying. I just told her that I was so sorry she made the choice to poop in her pants, and that this was the consequence for that, and that I hoped next time she would make a better choice.

Anyway, I don't know if it would work for you, but it did work for us.
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