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Old 05-19-2011, 12:00 PM   #1
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Are we too protective/strict?

Long story short - my mom is a total pothead. Not in the "smoke occasionally to mellow out" sense, but in the "has to smoke pot every hour, every day or she has withdrawals" sense. My older brother lives with her, and he's a pothead also... their friends are potheads. There are always people at her house, either already stoned, or about to get stoned. It's not the kind of situation I want my kids to see - I don't want them exposed to any drugs, and what would happen if the cops showed up? I grew up in foster care because of my parents' drug addictions, so I may be paranoid, but I'm scared of my kids being there if the cops are called, and being taken into state custody.

Because of all that, my kids aren't allowed at her house. I won't even go over there, to be honest. So her only option to see them is to come to my house.

My kids also aren't allowed to go to my MIL's house. Her house is absolutely nasty - she has three cats and a dog, who use her floor as their litter box. And she never cleans it up. So there's always the smell of pet urine and actual poop in her floor. She also refuses to put up any dangerous stuff she has lying around (lit candles on the coffee table, an ax in the floor, all kinds of weird stuff). My 19 month old still loves putting stuff in his mouth, and going to her house is so much work, KWIM?

My mom and my MIL both think we're being way too overprotective with our kids. My mom keeps resorting back to the "pot is natural, and I'd never smoke it in front of them anyway" defense - she never even responds to my "what if the cops are called, because known drug dealers are at your house" scenario. My MIL's only defense is "I've never been one for housekeeping, and DS2 needs to learn not to put stuff in his mouth anyway."

So, fellow mamas... what are your opinions? Are we too strict, or expecting too much from the grandmas? We don't ask that they change their lifestyles - we got rid of that fantasy long ago. We just ask that if/when they want to see their grandchildren, they come to our house - where it's safe, clean, and free from drugs/druggies.

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Old 05-19-2011, 12:19 PM   #2
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Sorry mama. Thats tough. But I think they are lucky you even let them see your kids at all. There is NO way in hell I would take my childre to either of their homes.

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Old 05-19-2011, 12:19 PM   #3
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

Not too strict in those scenarios. I'd do the same thing in both of those scenarios. You aren't keeping them from their grandchildren. They are choosing not to utilize the means that you have given them to provide your children with a safe happy environment with which to bond with their grandparents.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:21 PM   #4
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

NOPE!

And I see nothing wrong with this statement: We just ask that if/when they want to see their grandchildren, they come to our house - where it's safe, clean, and free from drugs/druggies.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:26 PM   #5
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

Of course not. Both places are dangerous and unhealthy.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:32 PM   #6
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

I agree. And that comes from someone with pothead family and friends. I don;t care what my family and friends do in their alone time but darn right I am not letting my kid in their houses. Luckily, most people have respected that and just come to our place or we meet out. I do go to my one sister's house even though she smokes but not ever around the kids, in the house, etc. She has four kids of her own and is very discreet. But DS can't go there alone, either.

You are completely justified in your reaction. These are both extremely dangerous situations.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:33 PM   #7
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

Unreasonable? Hahahaha! I can't believe you are even asking.

No, you aren't being unreasonable, not in the least. I wouldn't take my kid to a house full of stoners or a Superfund site either. They know what they need to do for you to allow visits; they just don't want to do the work of making a change. That's on them, not on you. It's not like you've cut them out of your life; you just set some boundaries for the health (nd mental health) of yourself and your children.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:38 PM   #8
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

My policy on anything is "My kids, my rules" Maybe you might not agree with it, maybe you think I am being ridiculous, but they aren't your kids, and you don't make the rules.

My mom has to have ds's rearfacing if she takes them anywhere. She thinks I am silly having my 4 yr old rearfacing still, but if she wants to take them, she has to do this. So, she respects my rules, even if she doesn't agree/understand them.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:40 PM   #9
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Re: Are we too protective/strict?

Absolutely not! You have every right to want to protect your children! Other people (family included) need to understand that these are your children and you are doing your best to keep them safe.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:41 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by ktmelody
Sorry mama. Thats tough. But I think they are lucky you even let them see your kids at all. There is NO way in hell I would take my childre to either of their homes.

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