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Old 05-20-2011, 07:59 PM   #11
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

I agree with those that said if you said you'd go home, you should have. IF it was only meant as a reminder to get herself under control I would have said it more like 'You need to calm down if you want to stay and play". And then if she didn't, then we'd go home.

Gma is completely wrong. She needs to butt out. It just AMAZES me that people who SHOULD know how to parent (didn't they raise their own!?) seem completely incapable of understanding that children need consistency and discipline.

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Old 05-20-2011, 08:17 PM   #12
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

You were fine grandma was wrong. Some grandmas are just like that. Well not the you're making me sick part lol, that would have pissed me off. My mil does not like dd to be in trouble, if anyone corrects her, she'll say "stop being mean to Julia" (not dh or I though cause we would set her straight but anyone else). If sil says something to her, "leave her alone, she's fine" ect...
She doesn't like her to cry or be upset even if she is being fresh. Tough cookies though cause she is not her mother. My dd would have ran to gma too cause if she lets her get away with everything why wouldn't she?
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Old 05-20-2011, 09:00 PM   #13
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

thanks mamas. you're right. I think I'll adjust my approach to telling her if she doesn't stop we will go home. if she continues, then home we will go no matter how many "Im sorrys" follow.

Gma told me I was making her sick after I said we were leaving, and started to get DD's belongings. Gma was trying to tell me no but I didnt listen to her, so apparently I make her sick. ok that's fine. just let me discipline my kid.

My family always disagrees with how I parent. I haven't let DD ride the bus to a field trip yet, we always drive her. My mom disagreed with me so adamently that she said I'd ruin her (??) and I was making her miss out (on what exactly? she's 3) and that I was being stupid. It was the last big fight we had-oh and there were many regarding my DD-before mom died in October.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:46 PM   #14
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

I would've been pissed that she undermined what I was saying by playing "good guy" vs me as "bad guy" when she said, "No don't make her leave." No wonder your DD doesn't listen and runs to gma I think you handled it well, mama. I would've left when she ran off, but at least you were persistent and worked it out how you felt best.
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Old 05-21-2011, 01:43 PM   #15
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

Yep Gma needs a talking to. No undermining in front of my kid...not ever. If you disagree you can talk to me in private, or just keep it to your self!
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Old 05-21-2011, 05:42 PM   #16
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

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Originally Posted by savmaralamommy View Post
Well, I'd have been worse actually. If my dd acted that way we'd have been gone, no second chances. Otherwise, is the apology really an apology or just a way to be able to stay at the activity, kwim? Gma is out of line. You are the mom. Your kid. Your rules.
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Originally Posted by danner View Post
The only thing I would have done differently is if I had said we were leaving, we would have actually left, as in gone home. If I didn't actually mean it (seems like you didn't) I would have warned her that she had to get herself together if she wanted to stay.

It seems like you let her get away with things too, just in a different way. (Saying you're leaving then not actually leaving)

And of course gma is WAY out of line, to the point that we would not be seeing her for awhile - saying things like that undermines your authority. It's poison and will seep into your relationship with your daughter.
I agree with both of these.
No second chances, because (in my opinion) it teaches your child that they can act however they want, but it's ok as long as they apologize after wards. If you say "No, too bad, we're leaving." Then the next time in public they may think twice about the temper tantrums. Again, this is just my own opinion and how *I* choose to parent.

I think your gma was out of line YOU are the mother. YOU choose how to raise your kids. I see a lot of grand parents who spoil kids and let them get away with anything. I might try to talk to her calmly when your DD is not around and just say "I realize that you love her, and you want her to be happy, and that's ok. But this is how I chose to parent, and we need to be on the same page or DD will play us against each other." And that is EXACTLY what happened. Your DD saw that your gma was on her side, so she went to her for support and "protection," KNOWING that gma would back her up.

But, I think, all in all, you did the right thing. You tried to calm her, you tried to get her to a secluded place to calm down. You told her what the consequence would be if she did not act correctly, and you did it all in a respectful way.


God bless!
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Last edited by Michelle_M; 05-21-2011 at 05:43 PM.
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Old 05-21-2011, 05:46 PM   #17
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Re: How would you have handled this? was I wrong?

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Originally Posted by corinne76 View Post
thanks mamas. you're right. I think I'll adjust my approach to telling her if she doesn't stop we will go home. if she continues, then home we will go no matter how many "Im sorrys" follow.

Gma told me I was making her sick after I said we were leaving, and started to get DD's belongings. Gma was trying to tell me no but I didnt listen to her, so apparently I make her sick. ok that's fine. just let me discipline my kid.

My family always disagrees with how I parent. I haven't let DD ride the bus to a field trip yet, we always drive her. My mom disagreed with me so adamently that she said I'd ruin her (??) and I was making her miss out (on what exactly? she's 3) and that I was being stupid. It was the last big fight we had-oh and there were many regarding my DD-before mom died in October.
3 is too little to ride a bus! I don't feel it's safe for a child that small. My oldest is 6 and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with him on a bus. He's less than 40 lbs and still uses a booster seat in our car.

God bless!
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