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Old 05-23-2011, 11:48 AM   #1
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How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

Just curious.... I've heard all the benefits, and I've never done it (other than a few desperate nights when a baby wouldn't settle down). So, I have a few questions:

1) My kids all go to bed hours before DH and I do. So how does that work when you bedshare? Do you still lay the baby/toddler down in your bed and walk away and close the door? (Just FYI, we don't CIO either. If the baby fusses when I lay them down, they aren't ready to sleep yet, and I either nurse them again and lay them back in the crib, or get them back up for a few minutes. Works for us!)

2)What about naps? I can lay any of my kids down in their beds and they will all sleep for 3 hrs w/o me.

3)What about *ahem* relations w/ your DH? When/where does that happen?

4)What about if you are out or visiting someone's house? How does the baby sleep then? Right now, my parents and my ILs both have extra beds and a pack and play set up at all times, so they are ready for weekend visits.

I guess I'm just wondering if I want to try bedsharing w/ the next baby.... I really like how everything works right now w/ sleeping, but sometimes (especially when they were all little babies) I feel like they should be sleeping right next to me.

Hope that I don't offend anyone.... I'm not criticizing any of your sleeping arrangements, I'm just curious how it all works!

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Old 05-23-2011, 11:53 AM   #2
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

I think it's different for everyone. For us, Little Dude goes down in his own bed, then moves to our bed the first time he wakes. Nookie happens between 8 p.m. (LD bedtime) and 11 p.m. (time when LD is most likely to wake, because it's usually when DH and I go past his room to ours).

We cosleep full time when we're on the road, since it seems to help with the "sleeping in a new place" wakefulness.

HTH!
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:04 PM   #3
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

1) My kids all go to bed hours before DH and I do. So how does that work when you bedshare? Do you still lay the baby/toddler down in your bed and walk away and close the door? (Just FYI, we don't CIO either. If the baby fusses when I lay them down, they aren't ready to sleep yet, and I either nurse them again and lay them back in the crib, or get them back up for a few minutes. Works for us!) When my babies were young we moved our mattress to the floor and they slept in our bed. Later we added a boxspring, and now we're back to a regular bed. I'd lay down with them, comfort and nurse them to sleep, and then get up and do my normal nightly thing with DH.

2)What about naps? I can lay any of my kids down in their beds and they will all sleep for 3 hrs w/o me. I'd nurse her to sleep and then put her in bed, or she would fall asleep while wrapped and I'd either leave her wrapped or move her to the bed.

3)What about *ahem* relations w/ your DH? When/where does that happen? I'll admit, we've done it very quietly while DD was in bed, or in the room with us, asleep. But usually we'd just do it on the couch or some other place in the house. DH loved it because he got shower sex way more often then I would normally be inclined to do.

4)What about if you are out or visiting someone's house? How does the baby sleep then? Right now, my parents and my ILs both have extra beds and a pack and play set up at all times, so they are ready for weekend visits. Baby just went to bed at night with us when we were visiting. We did naps in a pack 'n play for safety reasons.
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:06 PM   #4
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

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Originally Posted by Sleep deprived View Post
I think it's different for everyone. For us, Little Dude goes down in his own bed, then moves to our bed the first time he wakes. Nookie happens between 8 p.m. (LD bedtime) and 11 p.m. (time when LD is most likely to wake, because it's usually when DH and I go past his room to ours).

We cosleep full time when we're on the road, since it seems to help with the "sleeping in a new place" wakefulness.

HTH!
We pretty much do the same thing. I love it! My husband isn't quite as enthusiastic...but I sleep SO deeply that this is the only way I can be sure that my daughter is okay. I never could have her in another room. We put her in the crib/cosleeper when she goes to sleep, and close the door if it's before we want to go to sleep. When she wakes up between 12 and 2, she crawls into the bed- before she could crawl, I would hear her wake up and pull her into the bed next to her. She doesn't sleep between us, but on my side of the bed. Then she nurses and we both go back to sleep.

I can honestly say that I've only gotten up during the night with her...twice?...in the 16 months that she has been with us. Both times when she had a cold. We are both good sleepers, as long as we're together
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:16 PM   #5
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

We sort of co-sleep, I guess. I'm sure it's different for everyone. The baby's crib is in our bedroom. Whe she was first born, I used an arm's reach cosleeper attached to our bed. Most of the time, it was used to hold diapers and stuff, though, as she slept in between DH and me. When she outgrew that, I started putting her in her crib for naps/bed. She usually goes to bed around 8:30. I put her in her crib, and then DH and I go to bed around 10ish. If she fusses in the night, I just put her in our bed, and sometimes I just put her in our bed when we go to bed just because I like to snuggle. Truthfully, she sleeps better in her own space, which makes me kind of sad. But when she's teething/sick, she likes to snuggle. As for DTD, we usually get creative and close all the blinds in the living room and lock the door that leads into the living room from the upstairs hallway, just in case one of our older kiddos decided to get out of bed. I don't really feel comfortable DTD with the baby in our room, even if she is in her own crib. I know some people do, but I just can't.
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:24 PM   #6
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

Has anyone co-slept/bedshared when their DH is a very light sleeper? I was thinking about getting a co-sleeper thing for the next baby and see how it goes, but if it will be too noisy for him..........? Maybe I just need to get DH a white noise machine
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:33 PM   #7
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

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Originally Posted by sstarfish View Post
Just curious.... I've heard all the benefits, and I've never done it (other than a few desperate nights when a baby wouldn't settle down). So, I have a few questions:

1) My kids all go to bed hours before DH and I do. So how does that work when you bedshare? Do you still lay the baby/toddler down in your bed and walk away and close the door? (Just FYI, we don't CIO either. If the baby fusses when I lay them down, they aren't ready to sleep yet, and I either nurse them again and lay them back in the crib, or get them back up for a few minutes. Works for us!)

2)What about naps? I can lay any of my kids down in their beds and they will all sleep for 3 hrs w/o me.
3)What about *ahem* relations w/ your DH? When/where does that happen?
4)What about if you are out or visiting someone's house? How does the baby sleep then? Right now, my parents and my ILs both have extra beds and a pack and play set up at all times, so they are ready for weekend visits.
I guess I'm just wondering if I want to try bedsharing w/ the next baby.... I really like how everything works right now w/ sleeping, but sometimes (especially when they were all little babies) I feel like they should be sleeping right next to me.

Hope that I don't offend anyone.... I'm not criticizing any of your sleeping arrangements, I'm just curious how it all works!
1.DS will nurse to sleep and then I will lay him on the couch or bed depending on what I am doing.


2.DS falls asleep on the bewb then I move him to the bed (dh works 3rd shift so he gets some snuggles with daddy)

3.We decide where to lay him before we all get ready for bed. If we want to do the nasty we will lay him on the couch and go to the bedroom and when we are done we pick him up get his night time dipe on then to bed. We also have been doing the dirty in the garage

4.I haven't been to anyone's house other than my mom's. We just borrowed my sisters bed (dh was at work) so we had plenty of room.
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:40 PM   #8
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

Both DH and I are light sleepers. I would say I'm a lighter sleeper than he is. I hear my older kids roll over in bed at night. I hear the planes start taking off at 5am from the airport (about 5 miles away). I hear cars driving past all night and I hear ambulances. I hear the birds start chirping at 3-4am. etc. You get the picture. I feel like I'm almost partly conscious the whole time I'm sleeping. lol.

Because of this, co-sleeping sometimes doesn't work for us. For instance with our ODD, she was a very light sleeper from day one. We tried co-sleeping with her in a bassinet by the bed. It was miserable. Everytime one of us rolled over, she cried. If one of us got up to pee, she cried. If we were up downstairs and she was asleep in her bassinet, she went nuts. I was up probably every 45 mins with her. We were miserable. Finally around 3-6 weeks, I broke down and put her in her crib one room over, and she slept 6 hours straight!!! I cried I was so relieved! I swear I was starting to hallucinate from sleep deprivation! She slept in her own room in her own bed ever since.

DS was different. He was needy. He had a really hard time adjusting to being outside the womb. He cired over everything - he was miserable. He nursed every hour or two, 'round the clock for the first 3 mos or so. Sleeping with him in the bed made my life so much better. I could just roll over, nurse the little dude and neither of us had to fully wake up. Which meant no crying epoisodes. He also never needed to really be burped (which was strange, but whatever!), so life with us sleeping in the same bed was.... a million times better than it would have been otherwise. I shared a bed with him from day 1 until around 18 mos.

Now we're on LO #3 and she sleeps in our room. She sleeps by our bed inher own space. But up until about 3 wks old, she would wind up in the bed for some period of time during the night. She doesn't nurse as often as the other two did. She regularly sleeps 5+ hours in a row each night. I think she would easily transition to her own room, but I just don't see any benefit in moving her right now. She's a really easy baby, though, so I don't think co-sleeping is making her sleep longer.

Since she's so young, well, I'll leave the relations question out... I'm sure you can imagine how that works. lol.

I am pretty sure I will try to move her to her own crib around 6 mos. Maybe sooner. I really prefer not to have the kids sleep in our room if I can help it. I'm not a huge fan of co-sleeping. It has its place, and I think it's a great experience, but I just don't prefer it. Some kids (like my DS) NEED that extra attention, while others (ODD) really don't WANT it at all. And then there are kids like my YDD, who could probably take it or leave it, but do great either way.
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Old 05-23-2011, 12:56 PM   #9
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

We side-carred our crib to the bed and it was wonderful. We have a full so with all three of us in the bed we were miserable. Well Dh and I were, not so much DS
Relations were perfectly fine as he was asleep in the crib right next to my side so he rarely woke up during the fact. We would bring him into the bedroom at 9 pm and nurse with me laying in the crib with him and he'd go to sleep and i'd snuggle him up and set the sleep sheep on and then we'd be up until the next cycle around midnight when he'd wake up
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Old 05-23-2011, 01:25 PM   #10
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Re: How exactly does co-sleeping/bedsharing work?

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Both DH and I are light sleepers. I would say I'm a lighter sleeper than he is. I hear my older kids roll over in bed at night. I hear the planes start taking off at 5am from the airport (about 5 miles away). I hear cars driving past all night and I hear ambulances. I hear the birds start chirping at 3-4am. etc. You get the picture. I feel like I'm almost partly conscious the whole time I'm sleeping. lol.

Because of this, co-sleeping sometimes doesn't work for us. For instance with our ODD, she was a very light sleeper from day one. We tried co-sleeping with her in a bassinet by the bed. It was miserable. Everytime one of us rolled over, she cried. If one of us got up to pee, she cried. If we were up downstairs and she was asleep in her bassinet, she went nuts. I was up probably every 45 mins with her. We were miserable. Finally around 3-6 weeks, I broke down and put her in her crib one room over, and she slept 6 hours straight!!! I cried I was so relieved! I swear I was starting to hallucinate from sleep deprivation! She slept in her own room in her own bed ever since.

DS was different. He was needy. He had a really hard time adjusting to being outside the womb. He cired over everything - he was miserable. He nursed every hour or two, 'round the clock for the first 3 mos or so. Sleeping with him in the bed made my life so much better. I could just roll over, nurse the little dude and neither of us had to fully wake up. Which meant no crying epoisodes. He also never needed to really be burped (which was strange, but whatever!), so life with us sleeping in the same bed was.... a million times better than it would have been otherwise. I shared a bed with him from day 1 until around 18 mos.

Now we're on LO #3 and she sleeps in our room. She sleeps by our bed inher own space. But up until about 3 wks old, she would wind up in the bed for some period of time during the night. She doesn't nurse as often as the other two did. She regularly sleeps 5+ hours in a row each night. I think she would easily transition to her own room, but I just don't see any benefit in moving her right now. She's a really easy baby, though, so I don't think co-sleeping is making her sleep longer.

Since she's so young, well, I'll leave the relations question out... I'm sure you can imagine how that works. lol.

I am pretty sure I will try to move her to her own crib around 6 mos. Maybe sooner. I really prefer not to have the kids sleep in our room if I can help it. I'm not a huge fan of co-sleeping. It has its place, and I think it's a great experience, but I just don't prefer it. Some kids (like my DS) NEED that extra attention, while others (ODD) really don't WANT it at all. And then there are kids like my YDD, who could probably take it or leave it, but do great either way.
Thanks for this

I guess I don't prefer it either.... simply because I just sleep better (not to mention DH) w/o a child RIGHTNEXTTOME. This make sense though.... YDS just needed me more, and that's why he ended up in our bed more often. I guess what I should do is just go w/ the flow, and if the next baby (Lord willing ) needs to sleep w/ me, so be it. If not, then bonus! Hey, if we are still in the same house anyway, the next babe will end up either sleeping in our room or the bathroom anyway!
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