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Old 06-12-2011, 08:25 PM   #11
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For me people will say oh is he rolling(insert crawling, walking etc) on schedule? Than I have to explain for his actual age he may be marginally slow (not outside of the norm but very close to the threshold) on large muscle activities but for his actual age he is on target. I get a lot of people who look at me questionably or come out and say "well I guess he is still TECHNICALLY a preemie!" I find that annoying. Five weeks is a lot. We fought like hell to make it to 35 weeks and we know all the statistics of earlier preemies and we thank God everyday he made it to 35 weeks, BUT all that does not mean he doesn't have a legitimate claim to getting a couple extra weeks to do things on schedule. Also you want people to notice how exceptional your kids are and its fun to say yeah he is ahead of his actual age but hes REALLY ahead for his adjusted age I think most of all you just want people to understand you and its hard when they discount all you have been through and the hard work you put in to get there.
Exactly... It is hard work so just bc our babies didn't spend countless time in the nicu they are remarkable for what they do and they still are different than a term child.

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Old 06-12-2011, 08:36 PM   #12
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I haven't been where you are because my preemies are delayed and are itty bitty. But I do have the reverse side.. People who act like my daughters aren't being cared for because they are delayed for their ACTUAL age and slightly delayed for their adjusted age. My girls were 34 weekers and were 5 lbs 4 and 3 lbs 13 at birth and at 9 months old aren't even on the charts for their adjusted age (15 lbs 5 oz and 14 lbs 7 oz). I try and keep the motto that until I've walked in another's shoes.. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you though. But I'm not sure why you want her noticed as a preemie when she doesn't have any problems, her prematurity hasn't been a factor for her and you're lucky. If she's meeting her milestones and percentiles I'm not sure why the label of preemie would matter at that point?
This is exactly what I was speaking about earlier. Just bc ours are bigger and have less health problems doesnt make them any less of preemies than yours.

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Old 06-12-2011, 08:57 PM   #13
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Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?

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For me people will say oh is he rolling(insert crawling, walking etc) on schedule?
Ok, but it sounds like he is? Starting to walk at 13.5 months is well within the range of normal. Of the FT kids I'm very close with, one started to walk at 10 months, one at 13.5, one at just shy of 14, one at 15.5 and one at 16.5. All within the normal range of 10-18 months.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being proud of your child being ahead of their adjusted age, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with anyone really not adjusting for their age once they are caught up. No one thinks DS should be delayed based on his actual size, but he is, in part due to being early. That's very different from suggesting that another preemie shouldn't be on track with their adjusted age because your preemie is or is ahead and is different than suggesting that other people don't work with their kids who are behind and that the reason yours is ahead is because you work with them.

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Old 06-12-2011, 09:22 PM   #14
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When I can take the child for a couple hours, show her how to do it, and she learns it then it does.

Some babies are going to be behind early or not but sometimes it is the parents' fault and being a preemie is not an excuse.

Some of you moms are doing the exact same thing to our kids that others are. My child came out at barely 35 weeks too. Just bc she developed more doesn't make he any less if a preemie.

Preemie does not mean health problems! It simply means a baby born before term.

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Old 06-12-2011, 09:31 PM   #15
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Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?

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Ok, but it sounds like he is? Starting to walk at 13.5 months is well within the range of normal. Of the FT kids I'm very close with, one started to walk at 10 months, one at 13.5, one at just shy of 14, one at 15.5 and one at 16.5. All within the normal range of 10-18 months.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being proud of your child being ahead of their adjusted age, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with anyone really not adjusting for their age once they are caught up. No one thinks DS should be delayed based on his actual size, but he is, in part due to being early. That's very different from suggesting that another preemie shouldn't be on track with their adjusted age because your preemie is or is ahead and is different than suggesting that other people don't work with their kids who are behind and that the reason yours is ahead is because you work with them.
I know he is within "normal" range but he is never on the early side and usually closer to the older side of the range. My doc said he wanted to see him walking around 10-14 months and for DS he gave 1 first step at 13.5 months making him on the older side and not really "walking" just barely got a step in there Being that I know my DS it will be some time before he translates an occasional step to any real walking. Being in childcare I know many kids will take a week or two with a few steps and than all of a sudden they are off to the races DS will not do that he will linger around with a couple steps for a long time and in a month or three he may start doing some real walking. To be fare I think it is a combo of being a preemie but I think it is just his personality to take things slow. Over all it doesn't really matter he will do it on his own time and I am sure by preschool he will be walking just fine. I don't really care anymore but when DS was smaller I wanted people to understand and care much more than I do now. DS went through a lot pre and post birth and he deserved some major credit for that I think in time we all learn that you can never really compare kids and even if you do your babies don't know it is a race so they will just do it on their own time
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:31 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Soph's Mom
When I can take the child for a couple hours, show her how to do it, and she learns it then it does.

Some babies are going to be behind early or not but sometimes it is the parents' fault and being a preemie is not an excuse.

Some of you moms are doing the exact same thing to our kids that others are. My child came out at barely 35 weeks too. Just bc she developed more doesn't make he any less if a preemie.
It almost sounds like you're blaming the other parents for their kids delays. My niece "couldn't" pull up at 11 months... Until I showed her. It's not because my sister and her physical therapist didn't work with her. That just wasn't something they focused on. I did that day, and she did it.

I don't think it's necessary to put other parents down who may be dealing with a preemie with entirely different problems.

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Old 06-12-2011, 09:42 PM   #17
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Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?

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Originally Posted by Soph's Mom View Post
When I can take the child for a couple hours, show her how to do it, and she learns it then it does.

Some babies are going to be behind early or not but sometimes it is the parents' fault and being a preemie is not an excuse.

Some of you moms are doing the exact same thing to our kids that others are. My child came out at barely 35 weeks too. Just bc she developed more doesn't make he any less if a preemie.

Preemie does not mean health problems! It simply means a baby born before term.
It is going to happen no matter what. From preemie and full term mamas. Many people do not understand the unique in between stage your DD was in at birth and they think it was not that big of a deal. You can't really change it or make anyone understand, but there are plenty of mama's like us who get it
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Old 06-13-2011, 12:16 PM   #18
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I think the reason that the moms of earlier/smaller preemies "disregard" your little one may have a lot do with different experiences. I am glad your lo has done so well and you must have worked with him. And sometimes you do just want to hear what a good job you did with your kid. But I do want to add a few things, and hope they are taken the right way. :goodvibes
My dd1 was born at 31 weeks and she was in the nicu for 22 days we were blessed that she did as well as she did. After we brought her home, people would often comment on how small she was, of course we responded that she was a preemie. I am admiting to you that I would often get annoyed at peoples comments that their baby was early too, often cases this was b/c there "early" baby was actually full term, just born a week or 2 before there due date. But occasionally it was a parent who had a late term preemie, 35-36 weeks but was healthy and went home with mom. I think the reason it annoyed me was not b/c I thought their child shouldn't be considered a preemie, but b/c I felt like they were telling me they understood everything I had been through, but their lo had never been in the nicu, they didn't have to go through tube feedings, incubators, etc. do you know what I mean? And at some point I did realize that they probably did have certain issues to deal with associated with prematurity. But I also am acquainted with a mom whose son was born at 23 weeks and he spent months in the nicu, and long story short, he if severly disabled and will probably never have more mental function than a 10 month old. I am mentioning this b/c I would never try to compare my preemie to her son, or try to relate to her in that way. Maybe that is part of the reason your friends make the comments they do? I hope this didn't come across as mean our anything,.

I also wanted to add that maybe your friend is not sure how to help her lo, or doesn't think it will help. She may be playing with her lo, doing tummy time and anything else her ped tells her, but she may not know things like propping baby sitting up to play, letting baby lap stand, things like that, or maybe she is scared she will hurt her lo if she does those things.
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:12 PM   #19
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Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?

As a mom of two tiny preemies (2lb 10oz, 2lb 12oz), I have found myself disregarding people who, have later preemies, or larger preemies. It's not intentional, and I honostly don't feel that way. I think that it just comes down to HOW different the experiences of a 35 weeker are compared to a 28 weeker (my twins were born at 28). I can't say that my twins have been worse off, or had a harder time, or whatever JUST because of their size. There are SO many different scenarios. A IRL friend just delivered a 12oz, 33 weeker who only lived 40 some minutes... And then another IRL friend had a 5lb 35 weeker with MANY more problems that my 2.5lb'er twins had, and while we were in the NICU, there was a FT baby who had SO many problems that he was 9 months old and still in the NICU. After going through what I have with my babies, seeing up close what others have gone through with their babies, if I find myself thinking about how lame it is that someone is complaining about their tiny 35 weeker, or their delayed 34 weeker- I just remember that I have no clue what they are going through. It's always a mourning process when we lose what we expected (in this case, a FT healthy baby). It's normal for a mom to feel bad about their preemies and feel the feelings they have- but do outright dismiss someone elses experiences- that's just not cool! Sorr ythat peopel have been treating you guys like that.
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:23 PM   #20
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Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?

hmmm this sounds oddly like the "pain olympics" going on over at the bump's preemie board....
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