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Old 06-12-2011, 09:20 AM   #21
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

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Originally Posted by seeinstarrz View Post
This is a great idea! I was going to suggest something similar. Your DD is likely to be scared to be left alone with someone she isn't familiar with. Maybe you could, depending on just how close you are with the neighbors, tell them the situation too. It's possible that they changed their plans around to accomodate your DD that night, and they might be really disappointed to have been removed from the job as well. Or at least, that could be an excuse.
I'm glad to hear so many think this is a good idea!! Yea, these neighbors are basically on the same level as being DD's extra set of grandparents. They love her that much, and I trust them that much!! I DO plan to let my neighbor in on what is happening. She's a very gracious lady, so I know she will be able to handle the situation, probably better than I will!

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Old 06-12-2011, 09:22 AM   #22
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

I wouldn't say you cant tell him both issues. I would just lead in with I have two concerns when it comes to MIL watching DS and give them both. This way it doesn't sound like excuses but you can get both points across.
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Old 06-12-2011, 10:44 AM   #23
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

I vote stranger anxiety! Both my kids had pretty serious stranger anxiety, so for me that wouldn't be making something up and there is no way my babies would have happily laid down to sleep for someone they saw 6 months ago, grandma or not! GL!
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Old 06-12-2011, 10:58 AM   #24
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

This is a tough one. You know what you have to do: put on your big grown up mommy pants and leave your baby with the neighbors. Tell your mil that baby is having stranger anxiety right now. If you leave baby with her you will not enjoy the concert at all anyway.

You are the mother and will have to make many unpopular decisions for your children. Might as well start now so it becomes easier.
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:43 PM   #25
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

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Denise, thanks for responding!

The concert starts at 8, so I'm assuming we'd have to leave by 6:30 or 7 latest. Pittsburgh traffic is awful! Assuming it starts on time, that means opening act is over at 8:45 or 9, headliner is on at 9:15 and then she'd be on for an hour or two. So we'd be home by 11-12.

MIL doesn't know anybody here. Heck, we barely do! She is only coming to visit from Sat-Sun, so yea, basically just to babysit. She hasn't seen DD since we went to visit SO's family in mid December.

I want to clarify that I'm not trying to disparage MIL in any way for having emotional instability or severe depression. We've all got problems. But I also believe we have to work towards fixing them. When SO appears to be the parent and his parents are the children, then there's a problem, kwim?

yay your from pittsburgh? what area? im looking for a playgroup or playdates for my ds :[ i dont really have many mothers around me!
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Old 06-12-2011, 02:52 PM   #26
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

I would tell SO, that you are concerned that your DD would be anxious and uncomfortable since she doesn't really know MIL. But that you don't want to keep MIL from seeing the baby. So you feel like a good compromise that your LO would be comfortable with would be to have the neighbor come over and visit with your MIL while she babysits. In addition, this couple is already expecting to babysit and has cleared their schedules to do so, so it would be rude to back out now.

FWIW, I wouldn't let my MIL babysit alone either. I have issues with her, that I truly try to put aside for the good of my family (kids knowing grandma, husband not feeling like I'm pushing his family away, etc...)... but she would never babysit alone before now. We currently live in different states so it's currently not an issue. Oldest ds is almost 6. If we were closer to "home" I might let her baby sit when DS1 is 7 or so, old enough to really understand certain things and can tell me what's going on, and trust me to know that he needs to tell me things.. ESPECIALLY if someone tells him "it's a secret" or "don't tell your mom."

My MIL is a nice person, and she's really cleaned her act up over the last few years...but I still don't trust her 100% with my children alone.

Hugs mama!

God bless!
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:17 PM   #27
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

Another pgh mom here! I'm not sure what area of the city you're coming in from.... but if you aren't already I would allow at least 20 minutes of walk time from your car to your seats.

This is unfortunately a sticky situation. I would sit down w/ your SO and calmly discuss that you'd already made childcare arrangements w/ (neighbors) and they made their plans around having your LO. When is his mom coming up? This is a pretty touchy time w/ baby's as far as seperation anxiety and stranger anxiety. If your DD hasn't spent much time w/ his parents it's not off the wall to assume she's going to scream the whole time. If he doesn't "see reason" I would tell him that I was going to ask the neighbor to check in. Is his mom used to being around babies? If not... that's the reason I'd give your SO for the neighbor checking in. I also wouldn't make it optional, I'd tell your SO that in order for you to enjoy yourself you need to have someone available to his mom if she needed another set of hands since she doesn't know anyone in the area.

On another note. I'm from an hour east of the city, but grew up around the airport. If you need any mommy group recomendations or would like to know about places to check out I'd love to help. Also, there's a FABULOUS CD store in Robinson Twp. If you didn't know that already. Check out www.happybabycompany.com
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:53 PM   #28
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

I would be straight up with your SO. You said he has a difficult relationship w/ his mom right? Just tell him 'because of how you relationship is with her I'm not comfortable leaving DD with her.' Honestly she sounds alot like my mom (minus the obese part) and my mom has watched my older two for an hour-ish once two years ago but I don't trust her for more than that. If your MIL is anything like my mom she won't go along with the DD has stranger anxiety option very well because "I am her grandma not a stranger" even if she hasn't seen the baby in months (at least that's how it goes with my mom). I really hope you get this all worked out.
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:32 AM   #29
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

It sounds like your SO really wants his mom to come and spend time with your LO. You said he didn't have a great relationship with her growing up and that she was mean to him. I would find out exactly what that means to him and also why, given that, he's okay with her watching your LO. Unless she was physically abusing him as a child, I would probably let it go. He is LO's parent as well and if he trusts his mother to watch her, then you have to trust him enough to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Your LO is still pretty immobile you said, so there shouldn't be the worries that grandma will have to chase her around the house on bad knees/hips. I'm sure your home is childproofed and would be safe for your LO for those few hours.

I think your neighbor will understand that your LO's grandmother was able to come for a visit and that she wants to babysit her grandchild. I would ask her if she was willing to serve as a backup if LO gets upset. That way you have backup and don't have to leave the concert if LO is upset.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:33 AM   #30
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Re: Possible Babysitting Crisis with MIL PLEASE HELP ME!

Well, I told SO yesterday, but it didn't go well.

I tried to approach it with a mirror - I would do the same thing if DD didn't know my own mother. I told him to take the "mother" factor out of it. Would you let your child stay the evening with a person that she has only spent 2 hours with 6 months ago - aka A STRANGER?!?!?! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wouldn't even let my mother stay with DD if she didn't know her, kwim? And even my mother agreed!!! (And, FTR, she can TOTALLY be trusted with DD!!) He wouldn't concede, even though I've got to believe the gears in his brain were turning. I mean come on!! Anyways he got pretty angry. I was also upset. I knew this would cause a wedge in our relationship but I told him I have to be a mama bear. Feelings will NOT trump the safety of DD. Ever. So he was hoopin and hollerin that I always get my way, blah blah blah. It's always "what Rachel wants." And I said yea! Because what I want is for DD to feel comfortable and be safe! So if that means I get my way, so be it!!! I was actually a litte taken aback - he seemed indifferent to who watches DD. "It's only a few hours!" Dang, daddy, you need to be schooled!! So he stormed out of the house and left for a while. I went and talked to neighbor. Of course, she is totally cool with everything, and DD played with her for a couple hours.

Came home to find SO bought her a super neat toy. Some apology.
Oh well, I am getting my way. DD will NOT be left alone with MIL.

Thank you everyone for your support. Your feedback really helped me so much!!
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