My six year old stole from my mom

[womanoverwhelmed]

I need some ideas on how to handle this...

My six year old son spent the weekend with my mom and came home yesterday with $60, (He only showed me $40, the other $20 he put in his piggy bank)

He said my mom gave it to him for helping clean her house. I believed this because he has been telling her about this $40 Bakugan he has been saving his money for, for almost 3 months. I figured my mom just gave him the $40 to buy his toy hes been wanting so bad. My mom has been known to be a "giver" so I really didn't think to much about it when in reality I really should have called her.

So, this morning I needed another dollar for him to buy his lunch so I took it out of his piggy bank and found another $20 in there. I asked him where it got it and he said meme gave it to him. I knew this wasn't the case, why would my mom give him $60 when the toy only cost $40.

I called my mom after dropping him off and she counted the money in her purse and she is $60 short... my heart dropped.

I am so sad this happened and so disappointed. My husband took him last night to get the Bakugan so I have to pay her back $40 out of my pocket that I really don't have.

What scares me is he didn't bat an eye lid when he lied to me...usually when he lies he will wear it all over his face. I'm not really sure how to handle this. He has never stolen anything before.

My mom said he was begging her all day for a $20 because he saw the money she had when she got it out of the ATM and she said no and gave him a dollar. So this wasn't an accident or a mistake.

My husband said maybe it was because he didn't take his medicine yesterday. (He has ADD). I refuse to blame a theft on ADD... He has the brains in his head to know what he did was not right!! I am furious.

How would you handle this?

[kaimon]

I don't know what a Bakugan is but could you make him return it?

[z2akids]

I would return the toy and make him go with you when you do it. He also needs to give the money back to his grandma and apologize to her when he does so.

Otherwise, punishment depends on your beliefs and your child. Mine would loose privileges like tv, computer time, etc. for a pretty lengthy time period.

If you cannot return the toy, I would donate it and then make him do chores to "pay" for it.

I had no idea that there were $40 bakugans. I'm glad my boys only got into the $3-$5 ones and are past that stage now.

[Sweet_Fantasy_Fox]

I would take the new game "he bought" and not let him keep it, pout the pieces back in and return it to the store.
I would then take him to your moms and make him face her and apologize, I would have a talk with him about stealing and also have your mom talk to him about his actions. Return her money to her as well.
His punishment will be the loss if the game he bought with the stolen money as well as extra chores so he understands.
He is only 6, so young, so he is still moldable to be the honest nice young man he needs to be kwim?
It is better to teach him now rather then let this go and just be upset, he needs to be told so he knows he was discovered and this isn't appropriate behavior, if he is going to be stealing form grandma, she isn't going to want him to come visit with her. Do what you need, scare him in to realizing it is wrong to do that and he may just straighten out form here. goodluck.

[MommyMandi]

If it were me, I would definitely make him return the toy and if it can't be returned, he would definitely not be allowed to have it. He obviously knew what he was doing and there should be no reward for that. I would also make him right an apology note and hand deliver it with the money. And talk to your mom about it and make sure she doesn't brush it off, to really explain how she is disappointed in his choices and her feelings are hurt. The thing is to stay calm, no one needs to be overly angry. Just explain how his choices (you don't want him to think HE's a bad person) are unacceptable and that stealing could get you in a lot of trouble. It's never ok.

A tough situation, momma!

[ralenth]

I would make him return it, and return the money to your Mom. If you can't return the Bakugan, take it away from him, and quite honestly, I'd give it away entirely. Make him earn the money for your Mom, and make him return it. He needs to understand what he did and how serious it is.

I have no experience with ADD, but I know my ADHD son seriously lacks impulse control when off his meds. He may (and does know) right from wrong, but off his meds he's often unable to think through consequences.

[jc12551]

I am sure he has opened the toy and you can't return it now, but you could sell it and recoup some of your loss. You should also seize the money he has saved so far for this toy. Have him return the $60 to your mom and then make him work off the $60 for you. If he refuses to work off the money, then explain to him that you will not buy him any toys until he does so.

this is what I would do, but each family is different!

[escapethevillage]

Originally Posted by womanoverwhelmed My husband said maybe it was because he didn't take his medicine yesterday. (He has ADD). I refuse to blame a theft on ADD... He has the brains in his head to know what he did was not right!! I am furious. How would you handle this?

I agree. If you start blaming ADD for everything he does, he will never learn to be accountable. Good for you... and smack dad upside the head for me.

Obviously, the toy he bought would have to go.

If this were my child, I'd sell the toy he bought, and several others to try to repay as much of the $60 as possible, then i'd make him give grandma the money, apologize and EXPLAIN what he was thinking. He needs to discuss what he needs to say in advance so he's not just stammering "um.. I don't know". Because he DOES know, but you can help him. He stole the money because he wanted to buy an expensive toy. (nothing wrong with really wanting something.. we all understand what it's like to want something)

I might even post a set of his toys on Ebay, and hope it brings in $40. You don't have to go into exactly WHY you are posting his toys. I've always thought those stories were funny, but this one isn't really that funny.

He WILL learn. As long as he doesn't get the "well, it's not my fault, I have add" freebie card. He'll learn and remember how this didn't work, and it made him feel really bad about himself. He might really like that toy, but it probably does make him feel really bad.

If you can, you might want to give Grandma back the $40, and when he repays her, she can slip it back to you, just don't let him see it.

[Geckmumto3]

I would agree that you cannot blame the ADD for this, because that is precedent setting. I have known many kids who think they can get away with whatever because, "I have ADD/ADHD/behaviour issues/etc...." It's not an excuse.

In our house, the toy would get returned or removed if not returnable. He would work off the money and return it to Meme, with a verbal and written apology. He would have to do something for Meme to "make it right," and we would have discussions around trust. And how it takes a while to earn trust back.

[womanoverwhelmed]

Thanks ladies, The box to the toy wasn't ripped apart so Im going to try to put it back together and return it. He will also be hand delivering the money. He can kind of write so we will work on an apology letter together.

Also, no TV or wii for a while. I hope this teaches him so he'll think twice next time!