Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-14-2011, 08:06 AM   #11
BottomOfMyHearts's Avatar
Registered Users
Formerly: NewFoundFaith
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,927
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I currently have one DD but I'm pregnant with another.

I was an only child and I hated it. It was a lonely existence for me then and even to this day. When my parents are gone, I'll have no one.

I didn't want that for my daughter and as much as I enjoy "just us 3" I decided to have at least 1 more so she would have a life long friend.

Dh and I were also together 8 years (coincidence right!) before DD 1 came along. We were used to carefree living too, traveling without any serious preparation etc.

But we adjusted much differently to our daughter than it appears you did to your child. We enjoy the challenges she gives us and the fun we have together as a family. We actually feel more "complete" now. As much as I do miss my "freedom" with DH, I wouldn't trade it for the life we have now.

Hope that helps!

Just remember whatever decision your make for your family is the RIGHT one.


Mommy to two little girls. I'm ALWAYS doing laundry!
Please visit my etsy store! <--Click

New Contest coming Soon!Please visit my Facebook store! <--Click
BottomOfMyHearts is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 08:29 AM   #12
pcjs's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

Not selfish and more and more people we know are having only one child due to the expenses, lifestyle and worrying about paying for college. We are on the fence. We wouldn't mind two and if it just happens we would welcome another child happily but not sure if we want to start up again/adoption after what we went through.

I get tired of the excuse of having another one for your child. You have a child for you and to meet your selfish needs to be a parent, nurture, caretake. Do it for you and your husband, not your child. There are plenty of perks of only having one as they get more attention and you have far more ability to do things, like travel with them as money is not stretched so far.

If you are done & happy, you are done. Don't justify it and do whats best for you as that ultimately will be best for your child.
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 08:32 AM   #13
Registered Users
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 23,589
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I am an only child. I wouldn't call it a lonely childhood, but it was indeed different from that of my friends who had siblings. It has monetary and attention advantages, that's for sure, but also had different pressures and parental expectations, IMO.

When my partner and I got married, I didn't want to have an only child. I wanted 2, maybe 3 children, mostly for the chance at parenting siblings. I wanted to see what it was like to watch kids grow up with a sibling. We got pregnant with our daughter when our son was 20 months, and I thought we had it all figured out. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a stillbirth.

So, here we are, 2+ years later and we still have an only child. We have tried several times in the past two years to get pregnant again, without success. DS is now 4.5, and I am going back to school to complete a 1-year BEd in the fall. Because of this, we really can't TTC again before December, to make sure that I don't give birth before the end of my school year.

Honestly? I am not sure at this point whether we'll have another. I would like to TTC again and try for another. But at the same time, I feel like if I am not pregnant by the summer of 2012, I'm not sure I'll ever want to be. For me, the older DS gets, the less committed I am to have another baby.
lemurmommies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 09:02 AM   #14
BESMama's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Crystal Lake, IL
Posts: 1,288
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I AM an only, and I wouldn't recommend it. The most difficult part is being the person solely responsible for your parents as they age. It becomes even more complicated if they break up, have an addiction/depression or have financial difficulties. It is a tough emotional burden.

I see my children, and realize all that I missed out on. While many of the positive, wonderful experiences I had as a child were only possible because I was an only, I still would've traded all of them in for a sibling.
ISO: FCOL boy shirts and MM Woodland Tale yarn
BESMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 12:28 PM   #15
RedheadMom09's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 544
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

We have an only and barring a miracle, she'll remain an only.

I am the firstborn of two (have a younger sister) and the arguments of "being alone with the parents die" and "having a lifelong friend" and "dealing with parents' aging alone" are unpersuasive to me. Even with siblings, you can face these things alone.

My sister and I have only spoken or seen each other once in almost 13 years. If I could go the rest of my life without seeing her, it would make me a very happy person. I would rather be an only child than have her in my life and now that she's moved back to the US, I will be avoiding family holidays to keep from subjecting myself, DH, and DD to her presence. DH has very little relationship with his brothers, so neither of us think of siblings as "lifelong friends."

As for handling parents' aging, my aunt is one of 4 children, but she is totally responsible for my grandmother's health in her old age. The three other children, my mother included, have totally flaked out on providing any help or companionship whatsoever, so it all falls on her. I know she'd be happier as an only, too, because although she has all the responsibility, the other 3 try to micromanage what she does and always create more problems.

I occasionally think about trying for another, but writing this post as reminded me of all the reasons not to subject DD to a sibling. I'm now firmly back in the "one & done" camp.
CEO of the home, SAHM to DD born 12/2008. CDing, EBFing, ERFing, trying to adjust to the culture shock of giving up a great career to be a SAHM, proud liberal milspouse to CPT Dan.
Congenital heart defects affect 1 in 100 babies. What if that 1 was yours?
RedheadMom09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 01:57 PM   #16
Registered Users
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,527
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I'm an only child.

The perks: lots of attention, lots of great vacations, material things, and my parents were able to move across the country to live near me.

The cons: It was lonely for me. My parents both worked and while they went above and beyond to do things with me and take me places, I was still lonely.

I have 2 right now and plans for 1 more. I know siblings aren't always close. My DH and his sister rarely talk, but it was very important for me to not have an only child. We still take lots of trips with our kids, we just do it as cheap as possible. Also, knowing my parents, I think 1 was perfect for them. They would not do well with more than 1.
Eleanor, mama to Maren (07.05.08) and Grant (10.20.10)
aries416 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 02:47 PM   #17
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 757
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I am the baby of a large family, but with a very long break in between me and my next oldest sibling, so I've gotten to experience life as an only & as part of a large family. There are pros & cons to each.

Dh has a sister, but she has issues that have all but driven my in-laws to the brink of divorce and have caused Dh & I not to want anything to do with her.

I always dreamed of raising 2 kids, but after DD, Dh was fine with 1 child. I talked him into trying for another and after 2 m/c's in five months, we decided to stop trying. We re-evaluated and realized that our marriage probably would not survive another child so we're raising DD as an only. Many of our friends have onlies too so I guess we don't have to worry about peer pressure

You have to do what's best for your family. Dh and I have really re-connected this past year and are back to feeling like the loving, caring couple that starting trying for a family 5 years ago.

Last edited by travelmama24; 06-14-2011 at 04:36 PM.
travelmama24 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 03:37 PM   #18
TalkinBoutMyGirl's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 13,190
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I am an only child and I will say that it sucked. I had no one to play with growing up and I was sooooooo very jealous of my friends who had brothers and sisters. I have cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents but no one shares my parents with me. Know one truly knows what I went through growing up and no one was there for me on a daily basis. I realize my family loves me but having a sibling would have been awesome. I had a lot growing up..material wise..and looking back that really doesn't mean a lot in the end. Growing up it was fabulous that I had a 1k computer desk with a computer in my room, my own phone line, a cell phone, money every weekend to go shopping with, etc. But I don't think that really makes anyone a "better" person. Now if it would be a super strain on someone financially I could see not having more kids. But if it an option then I would definitely say go for it. Your already a parent..just one more kid do love

ETA: I obviously will be having more kids whether it is via adoption or whatever.
Anna - Gazelle intense and with mywife Rachel,
our daughter Hailey (7) and our 4

ibotta with me and save money on groceries!
TalkinBoutMyGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 03:51 PM   #19
jsmith's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,121
My Mood:
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

My and DH's story is almost exactly like yours. For so long it was only us and we loved it (probably a little too much!) but the thought of just us forever was horrifying to me especially. I only have one, another is almost impossible for me but maybe one day. I always hear that it gets easier once you have two because they play with each other. Having another doesn't guarantee that your child won't be lonely. I have two sisters and I felt lonely a lot. Mostly because we all had our separate activities, parents that both had jobs to pay for said activities- there wasn't a whole lot of one on one special time. It was busy and hectic in my household, I sometimes wish I was an only child I am dead serious though. It is always greener on the other side I guess.
J + L = M

jsmith is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2011, 04:16 PM   #20
nonipie's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 6,184
Re: Attention Only Children, & parents of Onlies!

I am an only and as a child it was great. I never wanted for attention or opportunities. As an adult I hate it. My father and many other close relatives have passed away and I feel such a deep loneliness that no amount of friends or love from my spouse can fill. My DH is awesome and my friends are great but it's just not the same. As they all pass, many traditions pass with them. I'm not walking through the streets crying all day but there are times when it can be overwhelming.

This was a major motivator in our decision to have more than one. DH has one sister that is 7 years older with no children. It was important to us that they have a support structure as adults even if they won't be best friends. I think a lot of it has to do with how you raise them so I'm hoping that we can instill that sense of family commitment into them. I have 2 first cousins, both onlys themselves. My female cousin has 4 children closely spaced for the same reason. As a child I think she was very lonely. FWIW, my OBGYN when I told her we were considering having 3 she said from many studies that she had read, 3 was an ideal number since one is usually the peacemaker and all 3 will not likely be estranged. I'm very glad we have 2 now as the house just fills "fuller".

All of that to say, do what works for your family and it will work out. This is just what has worked for our specific circumstance.
Married to my soulmate Chris since 2004 Mama to big boy D 8/12/06, Big Girl M 3/7/10 and my sweet new boy E 9/10/12!

ISO:MM Optimus Prime, MM Time Lord and Supreme Dalek
nonipie is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.