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Old 06-07-2006, 02:16 PM   #21
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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Originally Posted by amandalynn
JMO but what would think of someone who hit you? That they were mean right? And that it was disrespectful? I know that if I started a new job that I didn't know anything about I would want someone to show me the correct way to do it instead of hitting me when I did it wrong. After all, our children learning to live life is like us starting a new job, neither has any clue as to what is what until we are shown.
Excuse me...but what right do YOU have to question MY parenting? FWIW, I was spanked as a child. Dh was too. We are both fully functioning adults. I am NOT saying what I THINK of nonspanking parents...so have a LITTLE respect and don't judge me. However, having a new job and being hit for messing up doesn't even apply to the situation. NO, I don't consider my parents or my inlaws "mean". They were PARENTING...regardless of what method a person uses, thats what we're all doing...PARENTING. My child will think I'm "mean" if I ground them from going to the prom, or take away a driving privilage, or put their nose in a corner, or miss their favorite tv show. I'm not too concerned about thinking I'm "mean". I disipline...they won't like it, no matter what I do. Disipline isn't "fun"

And please don't imply that my children are spanked for "not knowing what to do"...I don't spank in anger or for first time offenses...they are spanked when they KNOW what they are doing.

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Old 06-07-2006, 02:16 PM   #22
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I apologize for my wording - I could have said that better.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:16 PM   #23
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I had also grown up on the "rod" in the Bible but now understand it was to guide the sheep and not a literal "spank" with the rod, KWIM? (chosing words carefuly and we NEED a smilie who is stepping on egg shells!) I am VERY Christian but on the other side of the belief of what discipline is and have changed fairly recently (within the past 2 years) as it didn't help OUR own personal family. Especially children with attention problems: you spank, they forget immediately!

But I haven't forgotten WHY I would spank in those years past so I don't judge those who chose this form of punishment. Perhaps it just works for their family! It doesn't for ours so we have to use other forms of discipline and it just happens to not have any physical form of guiding involved in it.

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Old 06-07-2006, 02:19 PM   #24
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I'm not trying to convince someone to spank if they don't want to...so ladies...PLEASE, before you even type it...have the same respect for those of us that do choose to spank. You're *way* is not *the way* And it is completly disrepectful for you to try and make us feel inferior. I'm not pulling up links to advocate spanking...I'm sure all us "meanies" will appreciate the same from you.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:22 PM   #25
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalynn
JMO but what would think of someone who hit you? That they were mean right? And that it was disrespectful? I know that if I started a new job that I didn't know anything about I would want someone to show me the correct way to do it instead of hitting me when I did it wrong. After all, our children learning to live life is like us starting a new job, neither has any clue as to what is what until we are shown.
OK. I don't spank my kids and don't plan on it. HOwever I'm a firm believer in "do what works for you" and would never subscribe to some blanket method of parenting myself, (ie: AP, gente discipline, Babywise, etc.)...I do what works for me and say foo foo to the books and methodologies...seems impossible to me that one thing would work for all kids...I figure out what works for MY kids on my own.
That being said...I don't understand the bashing of people for spanking? I mean there is a difference in spanking and beating. Also keep in mind a child is a lot different than an adult. You can tell an adult the correct way to do something once and then they will do it...also an adult typically doesn't engage in behavior that is blatantly dangerous. Children on the other hand will keep doing the same things over and over... perhaps for some people a spank teaches their children faster? Also, kids do things (run in the street, hit their brothers with hard objects...mind did this one today) things that cause danger to themselves or others and perhaps a spank is a reminder not to do those things again... Just my from someone who does not spank but still thinks it is a respectable way to discipline/parent if done correctly.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:25 PM   #26
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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I apologize for my wording - I could have said that better.
I knew you didn't mean it the way it came out!
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:28 PM   #27
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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OK. I don't spank my kids and don't plan on it. HOwever I'm a firm believer in "do what works for you" and would never subscribe to some blanket method of parenting myself, (ie: AP, gente discipline, Babywise, etc.)...I do what works for me and say foo foo to the books and methodologies...seems impossible to me that one thing would work for all kids...I figure out what works for MY kids on my own.
That being said...I don't understand the bashing of people for spanking? I mean there is a difference in spanking and beating. Also keep in mind a child is a lot different than an adult. You can tell an adult the correct way to do something once and then they will do it...also an adult typically doesn't engage in behavior that is blatantly dangerous. Children on the other hand will keep doing the same things over and over... perhaps for some people a spank teaches their children faster? Also, kids do things (run in the street, hit their brothers with hard objects...mind did this one today) things that cause danger to themselves or others and perhaps a spank is a reminder not to do those things again... Just my from someone who does not spank but still thinks it is a respectable way to discipline/parent if done correctly.

Thank you Rachel...You explained it very well and I appreciate your respect.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:29 PM   #28
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

Good grief! I simply posted the link in case you were interested in seeing another point of view! I have read articles and such on both sides and did so before making my informed decision. I meant NO disrespect and am not saying you're a bad mom for spanking. My husband and I were both raised in spanking households and turned out "just fine", that doesn't mean that that's what I want for my kids. I'm not trying to change your mind or make you feel bad - only offering an explanation of why I feel the way I do. We even spanked our first child, it did NOT work for us! It only created more behavior problems, which sent me looking for another way. I found one, it works, I'm happy.

My belief (not one that I'm trying to impose on you, just one that I'm sharing. don't want to know? stop reading..) is that I need to do my best to be a Godly parent - just as I do my best to be a Godly woman and a Godly wife. How do I make my discipline decisions? What would Jesus do? Yes, it's cliche.. perhaps even silly. But it's true. God is my heavenly father - my ultimate example for parenting. Does God punish me when I mess up? even when I know that what I am doing is wrong? No. He points me back in the right direction through prayer and through His word. He forgives me and lets it go, leaves it behind. I simply do the same for my children. Offering them the same grace that God bestows to me. Children do require disciplining and training, but I don't believe that they require spanking or punishing.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:33 PM   #29
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I agree with rrandle! We all do what is right for our children. I also agree that it shouldn't be labled. I don't spank my DS because I found something else that works for us. Just because I don't do it doesn't mean I think its wrong for another mama to do it. Each mama does there old thing. I also see where a PP was coming from as far as calling it gentle discipline. I don't consider people who spank their children to practice rough discipline. It's just different kinds of parenting. Also each child is different. The way I go about disciplining my DS may be totaly different then the way I discipline my DD. I have to do whats right for my child and other mama's have to do what is right for their children.


Just to add I didn't know anything about "gentle discipline" before I had DD and became a part of another board. I just did what I felt was right for DS and his needs never read a book about it or anything.
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Old 06-07-2006, 02:36 PM   #30
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

Megan-I see what you are saying, been there and done that too but not everybody reads the Bible the same, heck! Some here don't believe a word in the Bible and are NOT Christian so that wouldn't apply to them.

It's a "do what works for your own personal family" situation. Like I had said before, we did for several years, found it wasn't working for us, quit and did something different and it IS working for us.

Although, you don't have to spank to "hurt" your children. What if you are a yeller? That is mentally hurting so we can say that just because you (in general) don't spank doesn't mean that you (general again) aren't hurting your child. KWIM?

There are so many ways to hurt your children that we can really pick a parent apart. Spanking is just one way to hurt your child and it isn't always a negative, in fact in can be quite the opposite but just not for us.
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