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Old 06-07-2006, 07:07 PM   #71
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I never really spanked, slapped her hand once or twice because she was doing something dangerous. Yelling was my downfall for a while. When I was pregnant, working, and very tired, I would get frustrated w/my dd and yell at her instead of get up and redirect her. Then, after I had dd #2, everytime I nursed dd #1 would purposely get into stuff because she knew I was tied down. So I'd yell at her because dd #2 had a hard time latching and getting up would break the latch and we'd have to start that all over again. ANYWAYS there is a point to this lol. When I started working at the childcare center I saw how much my dd was yelling at the other kids...then I realized she learned it from me. It was a big wake up call and I've learned to control that a lot. My aunt and uncle don't discipline at all and their children are mean and run rampid through the house, I don't agree with that. I do timeouts and make her look at me while I talk to her. She is still a 2 year old, still has tantrums and throws fits, but at least she's somewhat under control

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Old 06-07-2006, 07:11 PM   #72
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

Just had to come on here and repost for ya'll - know how I said in my earlier post about taking DD's art supplies away?? Well tonight at church they were talking about how learning to obey is good and makes you happy...so they went around the circle and asked everyone what makes them happy, and DD says "Crafts makes me happy, but I disobeyed my mom and she took away my craft stuff." (her teacher is my friend and told me this) - guess I finally found her "currency", huh??
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Old 06-07-2006, 08:29 PM   #73
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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Originally Posted by stephdpn
Just had to come on here and repost for ya'll - know how I said in my earlier post about taking DD's art supplies away?? Well tonight at church they were talking about how learning to obey is good and makes you happy...so they went around the circle and asked everyone what makes them happy, and DD says "Crafts makes me happy, but I disobeyed my mom and she took away my craft stuff." (her teacher is my friend and told me this) - guess I finally found her "currency", huh??
Yeah! Leason learned!
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Old 06-07-2006, 08:41 PM   #74
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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Originally Posted by dirtdartwife
You amaze me!

I haven't read any further posts but I wanted to post this article link... http://www.drray.com/parentingtips/tips/spanking.htm It's pretty interesting and very logical.
You're sweet! That's a good article, I bookmarked it for future reference!
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:09 PM   #75
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

I'm just used to sites where if there is any kind of "debate" then it turns into major drama lol I am glad to see it's not like that here

so does anyone have any advice on what I posted?
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:19 PM   #76
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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I also feel like it could be a slippery slope for me and I might end up spanking more than appropriate, so I just don't go there.


I feel like hitting, even occasionally, will open a door I dont want to open. I dont what to get out of control so I dont put myself in the situation. Its not so much about the kids as it is about myself....
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:27 PM   #77
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

for us it starts with a warning and a suggestion to go do something else, if they don't respond they are told 1 2 3 Timeout. 1 min for each year of age we talk about it after and hug. If it continues it will be a spanking. They are given one warning after time out before the spanking. Now in some situations when it is imperative they know what they are doing is wrong like running out in the street, I will spank immedialy to get the point that is not going to happen. i don't play with safty.
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:29 PM   #78
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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for us it starts with a warning and a suggestion to go do something else, if they don't respond they are told 1 2 3 Timeout. 1 min for each year of age we talk about it after and hug. If it continues it will be a spanking. They are given one warning after time out before the spanking. Now in some situations when it is imperative they know what they are doing is wrong like running out in the street, I will spank immedialy to get the point that is not going to happen. i don't play with safty.

this sounds nice and easy to follow...how old were they when you instituted this??
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:40 PM   #79
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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Originally Posted by GavinsMommy
I'm just used to sites where if there is any kind of "debate" then it turns into major drama lol I am glad to see it's not like that here

so does anyone have any advice on what I posted?
Ah, we argue and then move on

So what was the question we are suppossed to be answering now
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Old 06-08-2006, 09:21 AM   #80
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Re: Spinoff... gentle discipline & so on...

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I have to disagree. People were disagreeing...it wasn't until finger started pointing that it got out of hand(IE: "How would you feel if you got hit")...amongst other things
I never pointed a finger, I only asked the same thing I ask my son after he hits someone. Of course he always answers he wouldn't like it. And if asked why he answers because its not nice and it hurts. I use this approach because to me, it is easier to understand something from the "how would I feel if it were me" point of view. I don't think anybody enjoys being hit, so to me, if you don't want someone to do it to you, don't do it to them. I couldn't possibly tell my son not to hit someone if I myself hit him. It was that behavior that lead me away from spanking (I used to spank) in the first place. Another rule I try to live by is I try not to do anything that I wouldn't want my children to do too. I grew up in a "Do as I say, not as I do" household and never thought there was anything wrong with some of the practices of my parents. Then when I followed some of the practices of my parents (stuff they told me not to do but did themselves) I got into serious trouble and resented my parents for having given me the predisposition towards those practices. I don't blame my parents for my actions, but I have decided that it would be much easier for me to direct my children with my actions rather than punishing them for following them. Does this make sense? If someone was to ask my son why you don't do something (IE hit someone) he would tell you because its not nice, I grew up thinking you don't do something because of the punishment. To me, I would rather him chose his actions based on consideration for others and himself than for fear of the punishment because there won't always be someone around to hand out a punishment and I don't want him to think that if no one finds out, then its ok (that was the impression I was left with from my parent's methods). Of course if he is doing something dangerous, I immediately pull him out of the situation, but I tell him why he shouldn't be doing that and that he could get hurt if he continued. When I used to spank him he was always too upset over the swat on the butt/hand to even listen to what I was telling him, so when I would try to explain why he shouldn't do something it never registered, he only knew that when he did something mommy didn't like he got hit, thus when others did something he didn't like, he hit them. Once (shortly after I stopped spanking) I saw my son spank his baby doll, I asked him why and he just looked at me like he was confused. I started to cry because I realized he was spanking his babies because he though that was what he was supposed to do, which made me realize that all those times I had spanked him hadn't taught him not to do something, it had taught him thats just what parents do. I knew his dolly couldn't possibly have done anything wrong, but he spanked her anyways. Now I lite up with joy when his sister takes something of his and instead of him hitting her, he tells her "no Alice, thats not nice" and replaces the taken toy with something different for her to play with because he understands it isn't nice to take something away from someone even if they took it for you (the whole 2 wrongs don't make a right theory). And he is only 27 months old. And as far as the term "Gentle Discipline", it is called that because it involves using methods other than physical punishment, it doesn't have a set of strict rules and everyone has their own degrees of practice and it doesn't say other methods are wrong, it simply gives a general description of that type of discipline. I hope this clears up what I was saying.
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