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Old 06-15-2011, 08:44 AM   #31
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I can't wrap my head around caring so much about what another baby eats that you are truly hurt by it.

Really, this thread just appears as a poorly disguised attempt to show FF moms the error of their ways. Despite protestations to the contrary, it really doesn't come off as an honest question. The choices of words used and the explanation of the reasons why carry a lot of judgement behind them.
Couldn't agree more.

It's also kind of pointless to post a question asking why people formula feed in the breastfeeding forum. I don't know what you're hoping to achieve by this. Gaining allies in your judgments of FF moms? At any rate, think about your question some more. Doesn't it make sense that many of us on here would have tried to breastfeed? It is logically consistent that someone who wants to CD would also want to BF. But despite trying our hardest, many of us were not able to EBF, and we are tired of being questioned and attacked and trying to prove to some third party that we tried hard enough. I know in my heart I tried my best and I am doing the best I can for my baby. She is not abused, neglected, or lacking in any way and doesn't need your pity.

What I find truly odd is that in a cloth diapering forum, people who stop cloth diapering for whatever reason (leaks, laundry issues, husband, ETC) are given more support and understanding than people who formula feed. I actually think it's great that women who use sposies aren't shamed here. You win more flies with honey than vinegar and I think being positive about CD is more effective than being nasty to people who use sposies and questioning their choices, which just makes them defensive. Same is true of breastfeeding, IMO.

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Old 06-15-2011, 08:46 AM   #32
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

I CD to save money. I have latch issues, so I've been pumping for 14 mo...Why? because BM is free, and pumping supplies are less than formula. I'm a single mama, and I don't get any asssitance, because I make too much. I did FF for 2 weeks, until I got my supply established, then my son never had formula again. I had so much milk, I donated over 200oz to another mama who can't (she has IGT) make enough milk. I want the best for my son, so I keep pumping. Its so hard, but I'm just stubborn like that, I guess. If I could have afforded formula in the early days, I probably would have just FF, but I couldn't, and now I'm thankful I've been able to give my LO my milk for so long. My sweet boy was so sick over the winter, we had ear infection, after ear infection. I can only think of how much worse it would have been for HIM if he was FF. Not that all babies on forumula are sickly, but MY baby certainly was a sickly babe.
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Old 06-15-2011, 08:52 AM   #33
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

Yeah OP this will NOT go well I'm afraid. Formula users and ppl who circ are WAY defensive on DS for whatever reason, you just can't discuss this kind of thing...
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:12 AM   #34
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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Yeah OP this will NOT go well I'm afraid. Formula users and ppl who circ are WAY defensive on DS for whatever reason, you just can't discuss this kind of thing...
I'm not a formula user, but still find it offensive.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:12 AM   #35
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.



No flames from me, OP! I don't think your post was judgemental at all. Many of us who feel strongly about BFing want to be able to encourage others to BF. It's hard to do that if you don't know why people struggle with it.

I think the main reasons people quit BF are:
Lack of education (this was almost me the first couple of months)
Lack of support
Inability to maintain supply after going back to work (this was almost me again a couple of months later)

The main reason IMO people don't start BFing in the first place is that they don't want to be tied down to their baby. This can come from either a place of fear or immaturity/irresponsibility or both.

ETA:
After reading the OP again, I wanted to add something. Many of us don't get into the natural/healthy/thrifty stuff like CDing until after the birth of our first child. I didn't start CD until my DD was almost a year old. Well if you are already FFing your child, it's almost impossible to go back and start BFing! Whereas with CDing, you can start and stop as much as you like. You can't just start and stop BFing! So they are not really the same, as far as window of time and flexibility. Although I do understand the question being asked.

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Old 06-15-2011, 09:44 AM   #36
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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I also never stated that I had any issues with FF. People do it and it is their choice. This is not condemnation. I have worked with moms who have tried and been unable; I certainly do not fault them for that. I guess I do find it a little more difficult to understand why some might not ever even try. But I now see reasons that could happen.
The OP is referring to women who never tried to breastfeed, not women who tried but couldn't continue, for whatever the reason. I'm really not seeing the judgement that everyone keeps calling her out on. I see her pointing out facts. Formula is expensive if you do not qualify WIC. Formula does contain chemicals, as does much of what the FDA approves for sale. How are those facts judgement?

It's also an adequate form of infant nutrition for those who cannot breastfeed. I will never condemn someone for using formula, and I strive to support FFing mothers because I know that, especially online, they feel a lot of backlash. But I will say that it's also tiring, on the opposite end of the spectrum, that everytime a BFing mama mentions formula she is accused of judging.
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:52 AM   #37
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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The OP is referring to women who never tried to breastfeed, not women who tried but couldn't continue, for whatever the reason. I'm really not seeing the judgement that everyone keeps calling her out on. I see her pointing out facts. Formula is expensive if you do not qualify WIC. Formula does contain chemicals, as does much of what the FDA approves for sale. How are those facts judgement?

It's also an adequate form of infant nutrition for those who cannot breastfeed. I will never condemn someone for using formula, and I strive to support FFing mothers because I know that, especially online, they feel a lot of backlash. But I will say that it's also tiring, on the opposite end of the spectrum, that everytime a BFing mama mentions formula she is accused of judging.
That's because so many times....they are. Just check out the "what do you judge" thread.

BTW, did you know that breastmilk contains chemicals too?
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:56 AM   #38
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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Yeah OP this will NOT go well I'm afraid. Formula users and ppl who circ are WAY defensive on DS for whatever reason, you just can't discuss this kind of thing...
That's because so many "bf advocates" act as if formula is harmful to a baby which naturally leads to the idea that people who feed their babies formula are harming their babies. They don't have to come right out and say those words for others to see that is clearly what they are thinking behind their "honest questions." How can a formula feeding mom NOT get defensive when it's implied that they are harming their kids and being told that BF moms basically pity their child.
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Old 06-15-2011, 10:03 AM   #39
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

I agree with PP that this was a judgmental question to begin with. We all have to make parenting choices and there are many reasons for formula feeding, all perfectly valid. Even "I don't want to" is perfectly acceptable. Yes, breastfeeding is best, but nobody makes the best decisions every time. It's best to get at least 60 minutes of physical activity every day, especially during pregnancy, but how many of us do that?

Personally, I bent over backwards for 7 months trying to breastfeed. I saw lactation consultants at least once a week for the whole time, took domperidone for the whole time, herbs for most of the time. Fed on demand and pumped after every feeding and every 2-3 hours if DS slept longer. All supplements were given at the breast via SNS.

The end result was a crappy supply (12-14oz/day at best) and the most horrible depression I've ever experienced. The source of the depression wasn't harm to DS - he was and is thriving on formula, instead it was pressure from breastfeeding 'advocates'. Everywhere I went, well meaning people badgered me about using formula to the point that I never left the house and made DH go buy the formula. No one believed me when I said I had a low supply, and blamed me for not trying hard enough, or doing the right things. Even the formula cans (that I was forced to buy) taunted me, saying 'breast is best'.

I know now that I have PCOS and IGT and will likely never be able to properly breastfeed a child. That's my reason for using formula, but no one should be belittled for using formula for any reason. Parents should be left alone in making their feeding choices, unless they ask for advice/help.

Most of this judgment comes in the guise of an attempt to educate but, at this point, it is common knowledge that breast milk is the ideal food for babies. I shouldn't have to explain to everyone who comments that I really wasn't able to bf, and no one else should have to explain their choice.
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Old 06-15-2011, 10:13 AM   #40
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Re: I need to understand something about those not bf.

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
That's because so many times....they are. Just check out the "what do you judge" thread.

BTW, did you know that breastmilk contains chemicals too?
Yes, I did know that. One could assume (but I'm not) that you are judging BFing mamas now that you stated that? It goes both ways. Factual statements are not automatic judgement

& yes, there are several women who will judge any mama who whips a bottle out of their diaper bag. Thankfully when I formula fed my first child, 5 years ago, I never once felt judged for my feeding method IRL. It was just "what you do".

But breastfeeding my second child? Tons of judgement, glaring, & dissapproving stares. I find much more support online for breastfeeding than I do in real life. & extended breastfeeding? Dear Lord, you'd think I was poisoning my child when people learn that I'm "still" nursing my 17 month old.

It seems there are no happy mediums when it comes to what you are feeding your child. There's always going to be someone who approves and there's always going to be someone who disapproves.
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