Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-19-2011, 07:15 PM   #21
boogers&bows's Avatar
boogers&bows
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 20
My Mood:
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

I totally know how you're feeling. I hate bfing as well. I do it because I know it's best, but I get no enjoyment from it. I know for a lot of Moms it's a wonderful experience, it just hasn't been that for me. We're past our issues for the most part. I just find it to be really inconvenient. I'm a Mom who likes to be on the go and I feel like bfing puts a damper on that.

Advertisement

boogers&bows is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-19-2011, 07:59 PM   #22
Clare378
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,810
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

1. Go see an IBCLC. Insurance may pay some of the cost.
2. On my visit with the LC, DD1 wasn't latching very well because she was just using me as a pacifier. The LC looked at me and said, "put her down." "Put her down. If she's just going to play, we'll wait until she's ready to actually eat. Put her down for a minute." First of all, I was shocked. Second, I was relieved. Third, DD1 was shocked. Fourth, after approximately 90 seconds away from the breast, DD decided she would - in fact - nurse. Then we were able to address the latch issues and whatnot. But I learned in that moment that I didn't have to be a human pacifier - and neither do you.
3. Get out of the house. Nurse the baby, put her down, pick up your purse, find your keys, and tell the BF, "I'm going out to get coffee. I will be back in an hour." Then WALK out of the door. If he tries to stop you, say, "She just ate, she just burped, she just went down, and there are diapers on the changing table. See you in an hour." GO. You don't actually have to get coffee. You can drive around. You can get a soda. You can go find a quiet parking lot and cry. You can BLAST your music and sing like a maniac. By all means - do it! He will survive, your LO will survive, and you will be better for it.
4. If you're pumping and the BM is going bad, freeze it. Freeze a little anyway. Just put some in bags and lay them flat in the freezer. Put the date on it and use it within 7 months. If you get sick and the meds affect your supply, you'll be glad you did this. If you run late from work/school 9 months from now, you'll be glad you did this. If the one hour by yourself isn't enough, you might need an evening out and you'll be glad to have a little milk in the freezer.
5. If it makes you feel better, I have SO been where you are. I'll never forget the night that I was nursing DD1 and I suddenly looked at DH and said, "Get her off me! I swear to God, she's like a little vampire just sucking the LIFE out of me!" He took the baby and I went for a walk. She survived it, he survived it, and I resolved myself to take regular breaks so as not to hit max stress over BFing.

You can do this. You're so not alone. Keep us posted.
Clare378 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2011, 10:52 AM   #23
ashmomof4's Avatar
ashmomof4
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Southern Louisiana
Posts: 378
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry! There are moments when I briefly feel that uncomfortable, nails on a chalkboard feeling, and I think (for me) it has to do with hormone fluctuation, sometimes my nipples are really oversensitive, but for the most part, not at all.

My first baby nursed all.day.long every day, but he slept well at night... at the end of each day I was at my wits end from getting nothing accomplished and totally 'touched out' but I woudl try to focus on the positive of how healthy he was, how I was doing the best thing for him, and how well he slept at night (I would tell myself I can handle anything during the day if I get a good rest... over and over).

Also, it does get easier with time, I promise. Perhaps as it hurt at first but now it is just annoying, that will diminish until it doesn't bother you any more. My best advice would be to try to find other breastfeeding moms to hang out with, and do your best to be comfortable breastfeeding more. I wasn't so much with my first, but with my fourth, I feel comfortable nursing anywhere. I am super discrete and try not to do it when it obviously makes someone else uncomfortable, unless it can't really be avoided, but I would say that public reception of breastfeeding is at least 98% positive. Most of my friends don't have littles but at dinner parties and gatherings they've called me the ninja nurser, lol, because they don't notice that I'm not just holding a sleeping baby. Practice in front of a mirror if you can, you'll quickly get the hang of doing it to the point that you are comfortable that nothing shows. Restaurants and friends would much rather your presence (business or visiting) with a quiet, happy nursing baby, than for you to leave or go to a back room, I guarantee! I've had so many people come up and compliment me on it-saying things like "it is just so good to see someone feeding their baby the natural way" and etc. that it has been a big confidence booster for nursing when (and where) my baby needs to.

My LO initially wouldn't take a bottle, either, but I was stressed at the idea that she would be frantic in an emergency if I couldn't feed her, so I worked with her with a bottle 2x/day fora week, she would play with it in her mouth at first but after 5 days or so she figured out how to suck from one. I also know people whose baby started taking a paci at 5 months, so keep offering it (didn't work with my kids though)

Many hugs to you for what you are doing for your baby! I know you say ff would be easier on you... but not necessarily... it might seem that way, but the long term health effects (and washing bottles) can really put a damper on things. I know it isn't foolproof, but most babies I knew with horrific recurrent ear infections were FF. I could go on and on, but I really would encourage you to stick with it, my experience with my first showed me that it can get so much better as time passes. ((((((Hugs))))))
ashmomof4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2011, 01:53 PM   #24
dawbs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 139
My Mood:
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

First, I'm sorry.
Second, I will say somewhere between month 3 and 5, something magical happened and it just got easier. I still don't LOVE BFing (and probably never will) but it became something that I don't dread--less all-encompassing and more reasonable. The time got better. The work got better. The sleep got better. It just happened.
Third, you're not asking to much of your BF. There are things he does because he's a DAD. One of those things is watching his child. It's not something you should have to schedule; it's something he should be doing automatically--the same way you do. He's not a babysitter who you beg to watch her for an hour, he's a dad and his JOB as dad is to parent.
dawbs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2011, 02:46 PM   #25
Greenebean214's Avatar
Greenebean214
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 718
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

I am right there with you, girl. No advice, just hugs from one insanely exhausted and stressed out Mommy to another.
__________________
Loving Life as a Coastie Wife

Welcomed Liberty Grace May 12, 2011!
Greenebean214 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2011, 08:29 AM   #26
Hillargh
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 7,903
My Mood:
It sounds like your baby is an excitable. My son is, too. He gets himself worked up into a frenzy after a while, won't latch and gets frustrated and cries. I've come to realize that until he calms down, it's pointless to try to relatch. It just rushes him and makes him more frustrated. I just bounce/pat/rock/ etc until he calms down, and then he goes right back. It's frustrating for sure, but I've found that if I make him take a break after 30min or so, and pat him a bit, that when we go back he finishes eating and conks out, rather than get frustrated and we have to start over. Maybe that would help?

I would definitely speak to someone about your feelings, though. And your bf needs to step up and relieve some pressure from you. mama, don't feel bad, we all have varying feelings about everything.

Sent from my myTouch 3G Slide using DS Forum

Last edited by Hillargh; 06-21-2011 at 08:34 AM.
Hillargh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2011, 09:27 AM   #27
THBVsMama's Avatar
THBVsMama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 21,424
My Mood:
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

All of the other ladies have given great advice, but I can't get past how much of an *** your boyfriend is being. Last I checked, your DD was just as much his DNA, right? Half of his DNA, half of his responsibility. Don't ask him to watch your daughter. TELL HIM "I'm going to the store/gym/a friend's/OUT. I'll be back in 2 hours. Here's a bottle of pumped milk". Then leave. Don't give him the opportunity to say no because that's not how parenting works. ESPECIALLY when he doesn't work right now. He is continuing to not help out because you have given up on getting him to help. Put your foot down, Mama

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. That's not my intent. I just think it's bs how he won't help.
__________________
DS (8) DD (4)

expecting our 2nd baby
girl next March

THBVsMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2011, 09:38 AM   #28
mummy2lolo's Avatar
mummy2lolo
Registered Users
Formerly: cay***ali
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 314
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

Sorry I haven't read this thread entirely but I just wanted to say try to hang in there. I completely relate. For me it didn't get easier until after 4 months. I was also suffering PPD, I had just lost my Grandmother days before DD arrived. My DD wouldn't take a pacifier as well either and was really colicky. Once we got to the easy stage though OMG is it EASY now and I love it. I am so glad I stuck with it. I sort of just made up my mind that I was going to just do this and there was no backing out. That's me though...maybe this won't work for everyone. I also just stuck around in bed a lot, made a very comfy retreat for myself and rested with baby when I could.

Check out this site: www.kellymom.com there are the best resources on there and also join a La Leche League if you can or join their forum. The right support can really help you.

*ETA* I also wanted to add that you are not a 3 headed monster for feeling this way at all, what you are experiencing is normal...BFing is not this magical instinctual thing that just happens...there is a lot to learn and master. I view it like an ancient art, back in the day we probably learned young from watching our mothers, aunts, friends etc, but now we don't anymore. Get some support it can make all the difference in the world. Maybe your BF can't nurse her or feed her, but he can support you and his top priority can just be taking care of you - making sure you are fed, comfy, bringing you beverages and give you moments alone. There will be times when you just have to say "I need a moment!" and leave and get some air. This doesn't make you a bad mother...I did it...DH managed and LO managed. I know everyone says the first 3 months are the toughest and it's true...for me too it lasted about 4 months. The is a light at the end of the tunnel though and it's coming!!

Also have you tried the Playtex Drop Ins system with natural latch nipples (slow flow is best)? I did after members of the LLL forum suggested and it really was a life saving for my LO who was refusing bottles.

And another thing too about rejecting bottles, my milk has lipase in excess if it's frozen - this was another reason my LO was rejecting a bottle. I have to scald my milk before I freeze or it gets a soapy taste and she rejects it. See how there is lots to know? It's true, it really is a fine art. I love kellymom.com and the LLL for online resources to troubleshoot issues.
__________________
A Modern Hippy Mummy to hypnobaby Willow Raine born Jan/8/2011
love line drying
Baby Led Weaning

Last edited by mummy2lolo; 06-21-2011 at 02:19 PM. Reason: spelling
mummy2lolo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2011, 10:38 AM   #29
Sleep deprived
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,154
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

Have you tried swaddling her before feedings? I used to have to swaddle DS when he got really wound up, or he couldn't focus.

It's not that unusual to hate it. I actually really dislike the idea that a good lactation consultant will magically fix everything. I had a good one, and my latch was fine, and we didn't have thrush but it still felt like I was passing shards of glass out my nipples for the first few weeks. Some things just take time.

Also, your boyfriend should man up. Sometimes men do not understand what an active chore nursing is. I definitely remember leaving DS with DH for my first day at work. I made it an hour and a half before calling in to check up:

DH: "he's been crying since you left."
I: "did you feed him?"
He: "no, I was going to wait until you got home for lunch."
I freak out. "He can't wait that long! Don't you notice how often I nurse him?"
DH: "Ohhhh.. Er, I have to go."

He never made that mistake again.

Dare him to try doing an active thing every time you breastfeed. He doesn't have to do it forever, just dare him to do it for a day or something. Every time you nurse, he has to wash dishes, or stop what he's doing and stand very still, or something. I guarantee he'll be surprised how often it happens and how long it takes.

Last edited by Sleep deprived; 06-21-2011 at 10:39 AM. Reason: spelling
Sleep deprived is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2011, 10:53 AM   #30
mixed_chica's Avatar
mixed_chica
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Sugarland, TX
Posts: 1,766
My Mood:
Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clare378 View Post
1. Go see an IBCLC. Insurance may pay some of the cost.
2. On my visit with the LC, DD1 wasn't latching very well because she was just using me as a pacifier. The LC looked at me and said, "put her down." "Put her down. If she's just going to play, we'll wait until she's ready to actually eat. Put her down for a minute." First of all, I was shocked. Second, I was relieved. Third, DD1 was shocked. Fourth, after approximately 90 seconds away from the breast, DD decided she would - in fact - nurse. Then we were able to address the latch issues and whatnot. But I learned in that moment that I didn't have to be a human pacifier - and neither do you.
3. Get out of the house. Nurse the baby, put her down, pick up your purse, find your keys, and tell the BF, "I'm going out to get coffee. I will be back in an hour." Then WALK out of the door. If he tries to stop you, say, "She just ate, she just burped, she just went down, and there are diapers on the changing table. See you in an hour." GO. You don't actually have to get coffee. You can drive around. You can get a soda. You can go find a quiet parking lot and cry. You can BLAST your music and sing like a maniac. By all means - do it! He will survive, your LO will survive, and you will be better for it.
4. If you're pumping and the BM is going bad, freeze it. Freeze a little anyway. Just put some in bags and lay them flat in the freezer. Put the date on it and use it within 7 months. If you get sick and the meds affect your supply, you'll be glad you did this. If you run late from work/school 9 months from now, you'll be glad you did this. If the one hour by yourself isn't enough, you might need an evening out and you'll be glad to have a little milk in the freezer.
5. If it makes you feel better, I have SO been where you are. I'll never forget the night that I was nursing DD1 and I suddenly looked at DH and said, "Get her off me! I swear to God, she's like a little vampire just sucking the LIFE out of me!" He took the baby and I went for a walk. She survived it, he survived it, and I resolved myself to take regular breaks so as not to hit max stress over BFing.

You can do this. You're so not alone. Keep us posted.
Mama, ^ is really good advice.
I also wanted to give you and really think her father should be helping out a LOT more.
__________________
Semi-crunchy mama to five and drill instructor to a house full of men and an itty bitty baby girl
mixed_chica is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.