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Old 06-07-2006, 08:21 AM   #1
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DH/pregnancy question??

I need to know that I'm not alone on this one.

DH is glad that we are having another baby, and was glad with the first one too, it's just that he starts becoming "distant" when I start showing. For example, (sorry if this is TMI), we used to "have relations" once or twice a week - now it's more like once a month! My sex drive has diminished with the pg, but not that much! He is just weirded out by my big belly and the baby moving in there and doesn't get turned on, I guess. Is this normal? I'm ready for the baby to be here so we can get back to normal!

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Old 06-07-2006, 08:37 AM   #2
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

I do know it's TOTALLY normal. There are a few different reasons why it could be (well, probably more than a few!) and it's absolutely nothing to worry about. Some men just have issues with it, LOL. I got "lucky" and mine doesn't, LOL, although sometimes I wish he would! A lot of pregnancy books talk about it - so I know it's totally normal. I also know some friends who have had the same problem. With some men it is the movement, some have an issue with a belly being a too obvious sign of you being a mother (don't ask me why, LOL), etc. Just don't take it personally, it happens a lot from what I've heard!
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Old 06-07-2006, 10:18 AM   #3
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??


Not something I've experienced (think fighting him off with a stick!), but something that's VERY common. I guess for most, it's one extreme or the other. Either they can't get enough of you, or they want little to do with you! Of course, our bodies usually react the same way.
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Old 06-07-2006, 10:33 AM   #4
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

honestly, while "common" , I do NOT think it is *normal*

I believe this behavior is the result of cultural conditioning. Think of it as analogous to someone being "weirded out" by the sight of a woman breastfeeding. It is something he has "learned" due to his environment/culture. He clearly has some sort of mental issue going on which is making him feel "weirded out". If you can find out what it is, you can perhaps fix the problem. Is he worried about the physical safety of the baby? Some men think they are going to "hurt" the baby or something like that. If this is the case, perhaps some reassurance from your midwife or other professional would help alleviate his fears?
Regardless, i think this is an issue that can be resolved.
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Old 06-07-2006, 10:35 AM   #5
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

With the 1st pregnancy he was like this, and after he could feel this one move he got weird for a few days but then we discussed it and now he's fine. I think they just get scared about hurting the baby or the baby 'knowing' at least that's what it was for him. Just talk to him in a non confrontational way or start something with him and see what he does.

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Old 06-07-2006, 11:19 AM   #6
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

Oh yeah!! I totally forgot about that part! Some of them feel like they are or will hurt the baby if you have sex, LOL. There is a reason I came back and posted, I promise: When I first got pregnant with my son we had the sit-down appointment with my OB and he said the whole "Intercourse is fine..." thing and then he said "Some men are worried they're going to hurt the baby. If they really think that then I think their ego is a little too big" LOL or something like that. The whole point is that their penis isn't going to do any damage, unless they're like Ron Jeremy or something (that was a pretty gross picture, but I doubt even he would do any damage). LOL - if that's really what the problem is then have him talk to your Dr. or MW or someone about it. We sure don't want him to think he's hurting you or the baby!
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Old 06-07-2006, 11:42 AM   #7
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChurchPunkMom
Not something I've experienced (think fighting him off with a stick!)
Ditto!! I think as much as pregnancy is a turn-on for some men, it's a complete turn-off for others... both are normal IMO, as well as everything inbetween. It does NOT mean he doesn't love you or want to be with you - some really are just weirded out by the process and don't know how to handle it.

I would suggest that you two talk about it though - and figure out what you might be able to do or change to make your sex life more satisfying for both of you. I know I have *zero* desire for sex while pregnant but I still try to make sure DH is happy... I'm sure if the rolls were reversed, DH would do the same...
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Old 06-07-2006, 08:50 PM   #8
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99
honestly, while "common" , I do NOT think it is *normal*

I believe this behavior is the result of cultural conditioning. Think of it as analogous to someone being "weirded out" by the sight of a woman breastfeeding. It is something he has "learned" due to his environment/culture. He clearly has some sort of mental issue going on which is making him feel "weirded out". If you can find out what it is, you can perhaps fix the problem. Is he worried about the physical safety of the baby? Some men think they are going to "hurt" the baby or something like that. If this is the case, perhaps some reassurance from your midwife or other professional would help alleviate his fears?
Regardless, i think this is an issue that can be resolved.
ITA!

To be honest, it would really hurt my feelings if Dh pulled away from my while I was Pg. I mean, we're in this together and he's the one that got me this way to begin with. I would feel really hurt. Thankfully my Dh isn't like that at all... I hope you can help your Dh through this...this is a good time to be pulling closer together, not apart. And you will need him a lot right now too. Pregnant hormones are nothing to take lightly
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Old 06-08-2006, 12:14 PM   #9
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowcampcat
I need to know that I'm not alone on this one.

DH is glad that we are having another baby, and was glad with the first one too, it's just that he starts becoming "distant" when I start showing. For example, (sorry if this is TMI), we used to "have relations" once or twice a week - now it's more like once a month! My sex drive has diminished with the pg, but not that much! He is just weirded out by my big belly and the baby moving in there and doesn't get turned on, I guess. Is this normal? I'm ready for the baby to be here so we can get back to normal!

you are lucky they got back to 'normal' quickly after having a baby LOL
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Old 06-08-2006, 12:36 PM   #10
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Re: DH/pregnancy question??

I spoke with my DH about this last night and he said it is a combination of things, he said it is a fear of hurting the baby, he knows they say you can't but he still is afraid of crushing the baby, the other thing he says that weirds him out is the fact that the bbay is going to come out of that hole. It is just really a turn off thought.

That is my DH perspective.
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