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Old 06-28-2011, 01:37 PM   #11
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

DH and I both want 1. That was the plan before we even started TTC. And now that we have our 1 LO we are perfectly happy with that.

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Old 06-28-2011, 01:40 PM   #12
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

we don't agree...

He came from a family of 2 kids...I came from a family of 4 kids.

I've always wanted a big family...he's always wanted a small family.

We got preggers with DS quiet easily...only 6mo of ttc.

It took us 2 years and 2 m/c to get pregnant with dd...and then had complications with the pregnancy. DH was done! He has talked about getting a V. But hasn't yet.

Right after the birth of DD (which labor was only 2 hours and I pushed for 11 minutes) I said I was done. However now I don't feel that way....for some reason I don't feel like our family is complete. I just don't think DH feels the same way.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:42 PM   #13
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Does anyone think the SAHP has more say in the matter of family size? I'm a SAHM, and we have no plans for me to go back to work. So I'm the one who gets pregnant, gives birth, breastfeeds, takes care of them, etc etc... and all that makes me feel like I should have the final say when it comes to our many kids we have. I've had two friends tell me I'm being selfish by thinking that, but I can't help it.
While I understand your point of view. I also disagree and understand the other side of this argument. Your SO who is working has to provide for all the children. And that can be a lot of stress on one person. And when your SO is not working they then become a parent and have to
Help take care of the kids. So no it's not really just the SAHP decision because they are home alone with them while the other parent is working. JMO

But in our situation I'm not sure if we agree. Dh has a son from before we were together. And we had a girl together and he was content. But I explained to him that it really wasn't fair to me to only let me have one child because he had 2. So he agreed we could have another baby. We now have 2 girls and his son. And idk if I'm done but he says we are done done. But we will see how it goes... I definitely wouldn't resent him now if we were done but I think I would have if he would have only let me have one.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:44 PM   #14
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While I understand your point of view. I also disagree and understand the other side of this argument. Your SO who is working has to provide for all the children. And that can be a lot of stress on one person. And when your SO is not working they then become a parent and have to
Help take care of the kids. So no it's not really just the SAHP decision because they are home alone with them while the other parent is working. JMO
I agree with this....it's you WOHP that has to "provide" for the family that you are creating. That's DHs worry...can we survive on a single income with a large family.

of course my family did, but we lived on food stamps and my mom went back to school when I was in grade school
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:57 PM   #15
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

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Originally Posted by A&M'smommy View Post
While I understand your point of view. I also disagree and understand the other side of this argument. Your SO who is working has to provide for all the children. And that can be a lot of stress on one person. And when your SO is not working they then become a parent and have to
Help take care of the kids. So no it's not really just the SAHP decision because they are home alone with them while the other parent is working. JMO

But in our situation I'm not sure if we agree. Dh has a son from before we were together. And we had a girl together and he was content. But I explained to him that it really wasn't fair to me to only let me have one child because he had 2. So he agreed we could have another baby. We now have 2 girls and his son. And idk if I'm done but he says we are done done. But we will see how it goes... I definitely wouldn't resent him now if we were done but I think I would have if he would have only let me have one.
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I agree with this....it's you WOHP that has to "provide" for the family that you are creating. That's DHs worry...can we survive on a single income with a large family.

of course my family did, but we lived on food stamps and my mom went back to school when I was in grade school
I would agree with you both, if DH were the one wanting to stop at three kids. But he's the one who wants more kids... he isn't worried about supporting them, and we aren't on government assistance. I know that he would agree to stop having children if we got the point where we couldn't give them the life we wanted, KWIM? Since our situation is reversed, I honestly feel like I should have more say. It may not right, but it's how I feel... I just don't want to have him resent me, you know? And I think three kids is a pretty good sized family nowadays... not the original "large" family we had planned, but it's not like I'm saying "one and done".
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:59 PM   #16
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

yes if the SAHP is done at a certain number then I would said the SAHP should get extra votes....but if the SAHP wants more than the WOHP then I would say the WOHP would get extra votes
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:04 PM   #17
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

Our ultimate family size has varied SO much in the 6 years DH & I have been together. First he wanted 4 kids and I only wanted two. Then for nearly 3 years after DS was born, I was convinced I only wanted one child. Then we agreed DS needed atleast one sibling, so then came DD. Now we're not so sure. Some days we both feel completely content with the two we have. We know that we can afford sports/dance lessons, or anything that they show an interest in.

However, I don't quite feel done childbearing. The thought of never being pregnant again, or giving birth again, or having another baby in the house makes me extremely sad and uneasy. We both agreed, though, that if we do have another child, s/he will truly be our last. Now it's just a matter of deciding if or when to move forward with that third. We also agreed that if/when we do have a third, it has to be before DH & I are 30, as neither of us wish to have more babies in our 30's. So that gives me 3.5 years to pop another out
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:19 PM   #18
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

Before we got married we discussed it. He only wanted one and I knew I truely could not be happy with one and so he compromised with at least 2, maybe 3. I am currently pregnant with number three. I do want one more and have asked DH to not get a V for a few years. We have used NFP successfully since we got married and DH trusts me absolutely about how I read my cycles so we will use that. If we do avoid and do not have another I will be fine.
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:33 PM   #19
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

We are both happy with our three. I wouldn't mind one more but at the same time, 3 tires me out. SO absolutely is finished and I'm totally ok with that. I agree with Janine - I think the parent who wants less should have final say. Obviously most parents adapt to the new/surprise baby but it's a lot to ask of someone. I can't imagine being put in that position though as it certainly wouldn't be easy (one person wants more while the other is finished). It's a HUGE decision that could potentially bring so much resentment however it plays out, so I personally would probably go to some counseling to get some perspective.
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Old 06-28-2011, 03:02 PM   #20
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Re: Do you and SO agree on family size?

My husband and I are 38 this year. My first pregnancy was rough and we weren't sure we wanted to go through it again. When my daughter was 2 we agreed to a final child. And I'll be giving birth to him very soon. We are overjoyed. But my over arching point is that flexibility is really important. My husband always wanted two or more, but 2 is all my body can do.

We recently talked about fostering though, so the way is not always shut.

And yes, the person who feels capable of coping with less children really should have final say. Sounds like you and your husband need to have a heart to heart OP.
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