Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-05-2011, 08:04 PM   #31
tamarag's Avatar
tamarag
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: RI
Posts: 2,114
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Mer that first dress is adorable and would be super cute as a maternity dress. Very feminine (how do you spell that word )

Elena :bighugs: I am so sorry. I think that if this is something that is not ok with you/him/your relationship then he should totally respect that! Sucks to feel disrespected and taken advantage of. Not fair at all! I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I agree that space will probably help! And the dishonesty/shady-ness is not ok!

Advertisement

__________________
SAHM, , BWing, mommy to C-6/4/10, A-11/20/07 and P-a very silly "pop star" 4/2/03
tamarag is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 06:37 AM   #32
VibrantBlue's Avatar
VibrantBlue
Registered Users
Formerly: jlepitzki
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 2,202
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Just joining in now.

On the raunchy sites issue: I usually confront. Instantly. And loudly. I also have self-esteem issues and just hate those things. DH has been pretty good about it over the years and has *said* he's stopped looking. I check history and things and sometime (like if I'm gone for a week or so) there will be stuff. Usually not. I'm better with it if I don't know he's looking

I may have missed it in my skimming, but how are things for you Elena? Did your bleeding turn into a full m/c? :hug:

AFM: taking Isaac to speech and the kids to the splash pool today. I pretty much ditched classes for the past week and I'm paying for it now - so behind! I'm starting Grade 3 Oak Meadow program with Ava next week. Really informally, just trying to get her ready for handwriting and keep her up with language arts. I'm worried about the transition to new classroom and new teacher come the fall in addition to the home transition of me working again.
__________________
I blog
so my brain doesn't
completely turn to mush.
VibrantBlue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 07:50 AM   #33
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Mer - I bet you'll be feeling tons of movement soon. Murphy's law of posting says it'll start the day after you post saying it hasn't, lol.
I kwym about the mimicing. I've never had a mimic kid like Levi. The other day the kids were showing us their cartwheels in the living room (Zech and Ruth anyways, Isaac was doing somersaults) and Levi jumped off the couch to join it. Couldn't do it, of course, but super cute to watch! We clapped and "yay"ed for him all the same

I like both the dresses! The first one might be the best to make maternity, like Jul said the full swing skirt on the 2nd might be too much and not sit/look right.

Tamara - thanks for the hugs.

Jessica - Bleeding really started on Saturday. It's nearly done now I think. I had horrid cramping all weekend - it would start in my hips, down through my pelvis, and down my thighs. Hurt so bad. I ended up realizing I should try Advil or something for it Sunday morning, so started popping a couple every few hours. That helped a bunch.
As far as the bleeding goes, it was much like AF minus the slow start with spotting, but that cramping - holy goodness.

AFM: I gave him the letter - last night actually, cuz I waited far too long Monday night and it was really late and I knew I wouldn't be able to even stay up for him to talk.
Anyways.
It went basically like I figured it would.
He didn't deny it, he really couldn't. He did say that this is the only time, he followed links in a junk email, he shut down his computer because he felt guilty. (I don't feel like I believe him, especially with the history deleting. Have no way to verify it either way though.) He still sticks with the story of looking at them for his sister a couple years ago.
He got defensive and angry - said I am overreacting, throwing everything away over one little mistake (though I didn't say what I want, because I don't know). He acted like a victim - like how dare I be angry or upset with him over this.
And although he couldn't find anything to blame this one on me directly, instead he brought up a couple things I did while we were dating and very first married that he "made it through" - I guess that means he gets a free pass this time? And that he deals with it every day, worrying about me leaving him. (not that I ever could. honestly. I have a huge part in it myself, not blaming it all on his doing, but I'm completely trapped here - no job, no university, 4 kids - and couldn't leave if I wanted to.)
So, basically he did it and I'm the bad guy for being upset with him. And he almost actually made me feel like it.
I didn't have a ton to actually say because of having written the note, so I didn't say much. He said this is why he never brings anything up to talk to me about, because I get mad and say nothing. I reminded him that I'd said pretty much everything I could think of for now in the note, I just had nothing more to say.
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 10:44 AM   #34
solarbabies's Avatar
solarbabies
Registered Users
Formerly: ja***nes
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: beautiful New Mexico
Posts: 6,845
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Mer: I actually think I like the flowing one more for turning into maternity, but I have no sense of style

Elena: Good for you for almost feeling bad. Don't let him tear you down, you did nothing wrong. He is the one that is doing something he knows he shouldn't do. But feel good knowing that he had that horrible 'I got caught' feeling while reading your note Come live with us! We have an extra room and lots of floor space. As soon as DH gets a job, we could totally handle the load. You need a good friend that yo could go to...someone that you could stay with, help you with the kids so that you could get yourself into a better situation. Here they have colleges that you could finish a program in 9 months and get a good job. Don't say you're stuck. I know it is hard, but if you actually get to the point where you want to leave and the love is just no there, then find a way. My mom stayed with a man when I was little for far too long. It ended up being really bad for us kids. My brother is in and out of prison and drugs and was involved in a murder. My sis is 17 but with the mind of an 11 yr old, she has something wrong with her but nothing diagnosed...ptsd or something I bet. . I got out ok, but lots of bad memories I wish I could change. Don't stay just because it is hard to leave. If you honestly know in your heart that you shouldn't be there! I hate to hear when women are stuck in a relationship that they don't want to be in but feel trapped for all of the same reasons as you I saw my mom go through it....not fun.

Sorry, just had to say it. Be strong! Don't stay because you are stuck. Stay because you love him, stay because you can work it out. If you don't/can't I say do your best to get out asap. Or just kick his butt


AFM: We are in California. Don't know what the town is called lol. We are going to be driving hw 1 today. I would guess camping tonight so no internet most likely for a few days. I've put tons of pics on fb...I have videos to upload as well. Addi is doing amazingly well. She isn't complaining in her seat anymore. And when she is out she just cuddles and cuddles. We stop often, trying not to be in the car for more than an hour without stopping unless she is sleeping. I'm very happy we are doing this. I am not looking forward to going home because once we do DH is looking for a job. I have had him home for about 2.5 years now, I don't know how to do it without him Major attachment issues here. We both joke that I am going to need therapy when he starts work, it's bad that it may not be a joke

No more blood at all and I feel great (other than sore feet and sunburned arms)
__________________
[CENTER]~Shannon~Mama to Addisyn 6.6.10 and Ryan 1.22.12
solarbabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 11:04 AM   #35
tamarag's Avatar
tamarag
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: RI
Posts: 2,114
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Elena the whole situation sucks especially that he tried to make himself feel less guilty about it by turning it around on you! I HATE that more than anything. Own up to your mistakes and move on. Don't try to turn it around on the other person to help yourself sleep better at night!
Did you ask him why he was deleting his history when he "has nothing to hide" I am sorry Elena but I don't by the whole "looking for sister thing" only because WHY would you want to 1. Know that your sister/friends sister was doing these things or 2. take of a chance of seeing your sis/friends sis doing these things.
Him bringing up things from the past is just another way to trun the table and take the heat of himself. Hate.That. Also if this is the free pass then what is he suggesting should happen if/when he does it again.

I don't know I feel like it is similar to the whole BFing thing it was to work for BOTH parties. Obviously P*rn is NOT ok for you then he should respect you and his wife and abstain from looking at it.
SS mama!

Cute about Levi mimic-ing you guys. Cooper doesn't do that quite yet.

EI was here is morning and they said he has "significant gross motor delays and mild language delays" even though he has a few signs.... The PT and EI coordinator were really surprised at how advanced he is in his Fine Motor though. They said that he does things that some 3 yr olds can't do when it comes to FM. The PT said that he wouldn't ever be a traditional crawler and will probably go from "crab crawling" to walking/pulling up. His little feet get in the way and that's why he can't get onto his knees. So we will back track a little. When we hold him we are supposed to hold him in a side sitting position and when he is on our laps hold him up on his knees so he gets used to being on his knees. He is really unsure of being on his feet too. It makes him really anxious and he isn't confident at standing even while being supported. At any rate he will bloom fast and then I will be chasing him!

Went to the beach yesterday with all 3 kids and they had a blast. Cooper was eating the sand. I have never had kid enjoy the beach so much! I was so rushed that I had to sunscreen them at the beach which was a HUGE mistake. ugh it was a sandy mess! Then I was chasing cooper and didn't get sunscreen on myself so OUCH
__________________
SAHM, , BWing, mommy to C-6/4/10, A-11/20/07 and P-a very silly "pop star" 4/2/03
tamarag is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 08:06 PM   #36
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Shannon, glad Addy is doing so well! I couldn't stop that often, though. When we drive to FL, we go straight through and only stop every 4-5 hrs. Of course, I have only driven there with a baby once.
Great about the no-bleed

Tam, massage him and wear him a lot too (I know you wear him a lot) that really helps with their muscle tone! It's good that you are getting some tips and answers.

Elena, I absolutely AGREE with everything Shannon said about "don't feel stuck". Stay if you love him and want to work it out. I left....(now in all fairness, I had Hana and I knew we were gonna make a life), but I left and was a bit homeless for a while....but you don't have to leave. I did it wrong. You can make HIM leave. Esp if the p*rn thing is an issue for you. It really pisses me off that he even "almost" made you feel bad. You need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with him about stuff. Bringing up old stuff is NOT permitted if it has been forgiven. Period. If that's the case in this, write down EVERYTHING he has done to screw up the marriage, piss you off, etc and bring that up EVERY time you have a tiff. See how he likes that! It doesn't MATTER if he doesn't think it's a big deal. You do. Gah, I am so annoyed at him right now and wish we were closer. I wish you and Jess were close in proximity not just in the same country. (she is the closest to you in miles, but still too far )
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2011, 09:35 PM   #37
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Shannon - It sounds like you're having a good time! and about no bleeding - great news! I'm so happy to hear that it's stopped. I'd still definitely be getting in to see the midwife immediately when you get home, just to check things out. A quick u/s to see what's going on in there might be a good idea as well. Did they tell you anything about the placenta location? Wondering if it's low-lying or on/over the cervix and causing the spotting/bleeding?

Aww Hun, I do know how you're feeling about getting home and your DH looking for work. It's a wonderful feeling and so scary and lonely all at the same time. I loved having DH so "free" like he was when he was in university - he has a very easy time of courses, so the only time he was really ever gone was for exams and student teaching, then suddenly with his job he's gone all day, boo. But you adjust and it's all okay.


Tamara - I did ask him about the history deletion, told him that it makes things worse, him seem guilty of more than just that one time. He said he deleted it because he didn't want me to see it, he knew how much it would upset me. Thing is, I hardly ever use his computer - I have my own laptop and almost always, like 99% of the time, use it. I just happened to grab his that morning cuz it was out here and mine was in the bedroom with him and Levi sleeping. And I have never checked his history before, never had any reason to.
So his reason for deleting it makes no sense to me. Not for just those 2 pages. Not unless there was more there that he was trying to hide.

His reason for checking the sites with the whole sister thing (it was his sister, my SIL, the guy had emailed about. this guy was someone from DH's old town. or at least the email addy was his name. anyways.) was that he wanted to make sure it actually was her, if it was true, before saying anything to his parents or her.
He did print off the emails about it to show me... but I know that could have been doctored on a word doc and he never showed me the actual emails on the computer.
I'm not saying I believe him about that. Just what happened.

I'm glad though they said Cooper's behind in things that they also see he's ahead in others and they didn't say anything about anything genetic.
I love that he loves the beach so much!


Jul - If I did bring up things he's done over the 10 years we've been together... well it would just end up the same way. I'd be the bad guy for bringing up the past, he'd say he doesn't do it and demand specific dates and conversations when he did (although I am keeping record of last night's convo along with the note). It'd be a big deal that I didn't let go of things, etc. Just not good.


AFM: I'm not necessarily thinking of leaving him or separating or anything drastic... although I also won't abide him continuing this bull sh!t.
I do love him. It hurts me to not touch him, to not feel with him or connected to him right now, to have this between us. It's hell. But I do love him.
Which is definitely a different thing for me! I used to feel so much like I didn't love him when things got bad. But I don't think that's it. There's just so much bad stuff in the way.

If this did continue and we did split, I would definitely be leaving/moving. I can't stand being away from family as it is - if I had no reason to be here I wouldn't stay.
But that's not something I will jump to as the solution to this.
At the same time, I have no idea what is a way to resolve this. I can't imagine trusting him in this way. While I long to touch him, to be with him, it sickens me to think of him looking at that stuff, possibly thinking about it while we are together. Though the desire isn't gone when I think about that, it hurts too much to do anything.

I'm so darn confused about this.
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2011, 05:18 PM   #38
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

awww honey, I know how you feel. I just would have to see you let it go and it grows resentment OR apathy in you....those are relationship killers. my DH really upset me today and I thought about not saying anything, but then I knew it would feel fake, so I said something. He needs to fix this. He needs to explain himself and agree to counseling or something. If he won't, then meet with your pastor (even if it's just you). I don't know what else to tell you, but feel free to vent, PM me, etc, etc. we are here for you
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2011, 06:57 PM   #39
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Jul - at your sig addition
I kwym. I don't want to just let this slide... but I have no clue what to do about it more than bring it up.
I definitely won't be meeting with our pastor or anything - at this point, based on everything and especially this past week in our life, I'm taking a huge step back from church and all that. I just can't go there right now.
Anyways, definitely something needs to happen. I just have no clue what. I have no clue what or how I feel about it all, other than anger and disgust that it happened in the first place. I think once I get past those feelings something more will come to the surface for me.
He knows all is not well. Things are just not normal between us at all right now. Which really stinks cuz I'm and done bleeding (at least for today)... but can't do a darn thing about it. Boo.

AFM: Umm... yeah. Things just keep getting worse The m/c , the whole thing with DH , and then today - we all had optometrist appts this afternoon. Get there, everyone done, they ask about insurance. Yup, give them the card. They go to process it only to realize we are 2 days too early to qualify. WTF'ing F?!?!? They only cover one appt for DH and I every 2 years. We went on July 9th 2009.
$200 down the drain. F'ing awesome-sauce. Should have been only $60 out of pocket.

If this first week is any indication, I want to hibernate for the rest of the summer. I can't imagine what worse things are to come.
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2011, 07:46 PM   #40
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

oh my gosh, that SUCKS!!! When I called for the DS' physicals, we all made sure that they were after 1 yr. Even the doc office said it to make sure we didn't have to pay more. Grrrrr for you!

I know what you mean, it's hard when things just aren't right and you have to talk about other every day stuff or when you are TTC.

I changed my sig bc of the thread about being bruised....someone thought I JUST had Kailani last month and couldn't believe we were having wild sex right after, lol (since it said June 1st for K and no year)...I was trying to think of something clever to put as my sig and that's all I gots, lol.

idk what else I was gonna say, prob about K, but he keeps sticking this creepy teddy bear in my face that my sis got him for his b-day. it talks and stuff (boo-boo bear? Idk I hate it)
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.