View Poll Results: separation anxiety @ the gym: Do you ...
go more often in hopes DC gets used to it 29 30.53%
keep going just 1-2x a week 46 48.42%
stop going, it's cruel to leave 'em crying 20 21.05%
Voters: 95. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-06-2007, 05:53 PM   #21
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

My son is 12.5 months and is doing the same thing. Cries anytime I'm not here. I mean sobbing, hysterical, can't breathe well cries. So I rarely rarely leave him, even with DH. And if I do, it ends up being for about 15 minutes tops.

If he's just fussy and grumping, then leaving him with someone you trust is okay. As long as you know he's being well taken care of. But if he's just sobbing and sobbing, I wouldn't personally.

I DO think that the more you leave and come back he might realize it's okay, but I also think, or at least, how it works with my son, is that when I leave, he's uber paranoid about me leaving for the next day or so, so any time he can't see me, he freaks.

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Old 04-06-2007, 06:19 PM   #22
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

Seperation anxiety is so normal, they dont understand object permanence (Sp?) but if you stay with your child at all times and dont give them the chance they'll never get past this...
These are major milestones.... Milestones arent just motor skills, Milestones are Development skills.
Sepration anxiety is a development skill. Its Building confidence and self esteem in your child, major skills that are needed for life... If you never leave your child becuase they are crying, your not giving the chance to experience the world around them.
Leaving them when there crying is teaching them Independance and that they dont always need you.
Your child isnt going to be angry becuase you leave, you need to leave becuase you do have a life outside of your children and eventually as they age they will understand that.
Its just like us when our children move out, or go to college... We deal with Empty Nest syndrome.. There is absolutely no difference...
Its life unfortunately but thats what helps us become stronger...
Sorry to be so blunt about things, but I do hope this helps

Last edited by lippeaveboys; 04-06-2007 at 06:39 PM.
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Old 04-06-2007, 11:49 PM   #23
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

I hear over and over that if you don't leave them how will they ever learn to separate. Well, I agree but I also think parents should be sensitive to this period of time.

When my daughter went through this we really limited separation, which wasn't hard because I stay at home anyway. And you know what, within months she was over her anxiety and she doesn't even blink an eye when I leave her. She is the most outgoing, independent and secure little 2 year old.

I vote that you don't leave them (when optional) at this stage. If it's something that must be done than it must be done - but what is sacrificing a few months? There is also a difference between gauging a child's readiness and smothering. I'm not talking about smothering your child.

Also, don't ever, ever sneak away from your kid. I HATE when parents do this. And this practice gets common at this stage because they want to try and avoid the tears. You will exaccerbate the problem if you try to sneak away when your child isn't looking. Always tell your DC that you are leaving and say a short and sweet goodbye and reassure them you'll be back and relate it to something they understand (i'll be back after lunch. or i'll be back after you sing songs at circle time).
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Old 04-06-2007, 11:53 PM   #24
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lippeaveboys View Post
Seperation anxiety is so normal, they dont understand object permanence (Sp?) but if you stay with your child at all times and dont give them the chance they'll never get past this...
These are major milestones.... Milestones arent just motor skills, Milestones are Development skills.
Sepration anxiety is a development skill. Its Building confidence and self esteem in your child, major skills that are needed for life... If you never leave your child becuase they are crying, your not giving the chance to experience the world around them.
Leaving them when there crying is teaching them Independance and that they dont always need you.
Your child isnt going to be angry becuase you leave, you need to leave becuase you do have a life outside of your children and eventually as they age they will understand that.
Its just like us when our children move out, or go to college... We deal with Empty Nest syndrome.. There is absolutely no difference...
Its life unfortunately but thats what helps us become stronger...
Sorry to be so blunt about things, but I do hope this helps
Why this can be true it can also be true that this sense of independence can be gained without tears. I don't think leaving them while crying teaches them independence. Leaving them may teach them independence but the crying part is a by product not part of the necessary factor for achieving independence.

My daughter is one of the most independent 27 month old children I've come into contact with (and I'm a childcare provider) and I've never had to leave her crying. Mostly because I waited until she was out of the separation anxiety stage.

Perhaps some children are so sensitive to their parents that they *will* cry no matter the circumstances or timing when they are left for the first few times but I think it is important to distinguish that this isn't a requirement for gaining independence.
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Old 04-07-2007, 08:05 AM   #25
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

I haven't read all the other posts, but I voted for the 1st response. DD did cry when I first started taking her to the gym nursery, but she does ok now after a few minutes. Sometimes they do have to hold her for a bit, but other times they explain to her that they can't. When I haven't been for like 4 days in a row it's hard on her for the 1st couple of days. If a child cries for longer than 10 mins they come and get you tho. When I first started going I got called out almost everyday for about a month. I try to go at least 4 days a week now. I hope it gets better for you soon!!
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Old 04-07-2007, 08:17 AM   #26
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

I didn't vote because dd doesn't have any separation issues. The only time she fusses is when I'm loading the groceries inside and she wants me to pick her up...other than that, she enjoys her time with her daddy.

I should add that she's never been with anyone other than me and her daddy, and I don't ever intend to leave her with anyone else
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Old 04-07-2007, 09:08 AM   #27
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

Yup, it's most likely a stage. And most kids get over it easily. So do what feels right to you but don't leave your child with anyone who will lie to you about the situation because they think they know better than you how to "fix" your child. Our 2nd son was going through this and we left the kids (him and his older brother) with my parents overnight. We asked to be called if there was a problem. No call, so we assumed things were fine. Came to pick them up, my mom told us he was fine. He became very clingy and parnoid anytime I left to go anywhere right after this. I later talked to my dad and sister and learned that the poor kid screamed his head off the entire time we were gone but my mom decided he was throwing a fit and we were spoiling him so she was going to "fix" him by making him deal with it. So make sure while your child is dealing with separation anxiety, you never ever leave them with someone who won't abide by your wishes. My son's anxiety was made 100 times worse by the way it was handled and I wish we could have done it differently. Needless to say, we don't leave any of our kids with my parents anymore which is very sad since I'd trust my dad with them in a heartbeat but can't trust my mom at all.
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Old 04-07-2007, 11:28 AM   #28
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

Quote:
Originally Posted by camdensmommy View Post
Why this can be true it can also be true that this sense of independence can be gained without tears. I don't think leaving them while crying teaches them independence. Leaving them may teach them independence but the crying part is a by product not part of the necessary factor for achieving independence.

My daughter is one of the most independent 27 month old children I've come into contact with (and I'm a childcare provider) and I've never had to leave her crying. Mostly because I waited until she was out of the separation anxiety stage.

Perhaps some children are so sensitive to their parents that they *will* cry no matter the circumstances or timing when they are left for the first few times but I think it is important to distinguish that this isn't a requirement for gaining independence.
Definetly did not say or think its a requirement

Last edited by lippeaveboys; 04-07-2007 at 11:45 AM.
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Old 04-07-2007, 10:58 PM   #29
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Re: separation anxiety - test 'em or never leave?

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Originally Posted by lippeaveboys View Post
If you never leave your child becuase they are crying, your not giving the chance to experience the world around them.
Leaving them when there crying is teaching them Independance and that they dont always need you.

I'm sorry if I was misunderstanding your statement. I was referring to the part above. I can see how what I said could have misconstrued your intentions.

I am only saying that it is possible to raise a child that is fully independent and secure without leaving them when they are going through separation anxiety (unless of course the need to leave is unavoidable). That it is possible to gain the needed independence without tears during separation. Obviously this will not work in all cases as children (and parents) all have different personalities and temperments.
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