Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-21-2011, 11:45 AM   #11
Fitter's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 6,118
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Originally Posted by crazylife View Post
I would just be blunt with DH as in, "I absolutely, positively do NOT want any visitors in the room. The baby isn't going to grow up overnight so pretty sure if they wait til the weekend, baby will still look the same" Seriously, sometimes with people/men you just have to be blunt so they get it - otherwise they'll just come up with their own interpretations. "oh well, we came last time, no big deal. So let's all go again!"

And ditto what others already said about getting the nurses to help you out Good luck!
this is true.


Kelly wife to Rich , mommy to I , G , L , and G
Fitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 12:00 PM   #12
Ten's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,612
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Originally Posted by HLCreations View Post
SIL, as an example, doesn't even INVITE her inlaws out until after they are home and my MIL encourages this...but for some reason she thinks she is invited into my hospital room?
Well, it's OBVIOUSLY different if it's HER! :headbang:

So sorry you have to go through this. I know my MIL would've completely pulled this sort of crap on us if we hadn't stopped speaking to his side of the family years ago.

Can you not tell them you're in labor until after you're home? Call them up then and tell them that you're happy to announce that you just brought your baby home and if they'd like to come for a short visit, they may?

Maybe you'd get less resistance if you gave them a task (any task) that made them feel helpful! Like, "I'm so happy that your'e excited that you want to meet our new baby, but you know what would be really helpful? If you'd be willing to watch our older kids/get dinner ready/whatever..."

Then, if you can't dodge them entirely, set a time limit (visits to be restricted to 10 minutes, or whatever) and explain the situation to the nurses. I'm sure you're not the only mama with difficult relatives and an unsympathetic husband. I'm guessing they'd be willing to come in and declare you need your rest.

Best of luck.

grateful stay-at-homeschool mom to 5yo DD#2
missing spirit-baby DD#1 (left us @ 32w preg) and the little ones who only stayed a few weeks

*After 31 cycles TTC, DD1's soul has returned to us! EDD 2/27/18!!*
"Death can't stop True Love - it can only delay it for a while." - The Princess Bride
Ten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 12:22 PM   #13
Christylkeller's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 949
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

I would just be honest with your MIL. If DH isn't willing to do it for you, then do it for yourself... maybe invite her over for coffee and just have a casual conversation. I fortunately don't have ANY family that lives near us, so I don't have to worry about that. However, I do like visitors in the hospital. I don't have to 'host' anyone, it is fine for me to stay in bed and I can ask the nurses to help me make visits short if I need them to be. When I get home I don't want anyone coming to visit for about a week. The only exception I make for that are for those bringing us a meal, which is usually short and sweet.
Daughter of the Risen King, Loving wife to Joe,

Homeschooling mom to A- '01, M- '05, E- '08 and G born 3/5/13 VBA3C

Always missing my 17 weeker E 7/25/11
Christylkeller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 12:24 PM   #14
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 767
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Well coming from someone who's had a couple C/S....I know I would not want people visiting in the recovery room. Only Dh and my mom (we are close) have been way is my dad or anyone else coming in while I'm half naked, trying to breastfeed and still being cleaned up! I don't mind being visited in the hospital but would prefer they wait til the next day, the pain meds and such made me so groggy I couldn't focus on conversations for the first 12 hours or so.

I would just tell him what you's your right as it's your body being cut and handled. Not to mention the whole bonding with the baby part...

We also didn't tell most people our surgery date until the day could just not tell them.
Abbaloosa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 12:54 PM   #15
tlc981's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 681
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

You are the patient, just tell the nurses you do not want any visitors. The hospital I go to will not send anyone in until they have permission from the mother.
Teresa SAHM to Isaiah, 9 , Jasper 11/21/09 and Sebastian 9/21/11
Earn Gift cards and prizes using Swagbucks
tlc981 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 01:55 PM   #16
Registered Users
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,790
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

At first dh didn't "get" why I didn't want anyone there and really didn't understand why I felt comfortable having my mom wait outside with our oldest when we were having our 2nd. He thought it was unfair I would be comfortable with my mom and not his mom. I asked him how he'd feel if I invited my mom to come and hang out outside the door when he had his next physical or prostrate exam, after that he stopped bugging me about it.

Also drs, midwives, nurses are usually on your side so make a birth plan and tell them you don't want anyone let anywhere near you until you say it's time. With our first mil did respect that we didn't want anyone at the hospital but she called the hospital 9 times while I was in labor (I was in labor for 13 hours). She didn't ask for our room but tried to get information from the nurses at the desk, of course they couldn't tell her anything and finally the nurse manager got on the phone and apparently pretty rudely told her that what was going on in our room was absolutely none of her business and if we wanted her to be updated we would have done it. So you could always make it very clear with the staff.

I also made a rule after our second that if they felt the need to visit the hospital they would not be allowed in the room until it had been at least 3-4 hours and only for a 30 minute visit or they could wait until we got home and visit for a couple of hours but if they insisted on busting into the hospital for their 30 minute visit they had to wait a few days before coming to our house once we were home
Awesome Heartsy Deals today! Get $5 credit for signing up and take advantage. Soaps, cookies and baby hats are all feature deals today!

Last edited by Greenbabybottoms; 07-21-2011 at 01:56 PM.
Greenbabybottoms is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 04:19 PM   #17
Registered Users
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

I tried telling DH that I would prefer they wait until I am home before they came out. His only 'offer' was 'how about I make sure everyone stays out of your room until you're settled?'

Could you tell DH that you would like for him to be with you during this special time and not entertaining his family in the waiting room. The first few days should be spent with Mom and Dad, and siblings. Knowing that his family is "waiting for you to be settled" will not leave his attention with you and new baby.

If your in-laws have pushed this with their own daughter and her in-laws, they should understand that you are the mama having the baby and you aren't comfortable in sharing EVERYTHING with them, just as your SIL only wants her parents there for her.

Last edited by blessedmommy3; 07-21-2011 at 04:21 PM.
blessedmommy3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 05:07 PM   #18
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,297
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Can you send out a polite email to his family members saying that since a C-section is a major surgery you will not be up for having visitors until you get home?

Perhaps you could also tell them that DH will share pictures shortly after the baby is born...
USMCgirl_05 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 06:10 PM   #19
z1ggy23's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 6,974
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

tell them straight out they are welcome to visit your HOUSE once you are home and that you will be leaving word with the nurses that you are not to have visitors except your husband and kids.
Brandilyn ~ Wife to C and WAHM to DD1 M (8/07), DS L (9/09), and DD2 E (9/11)
z1ggy23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 07:27 PM   #20
HLCreations's Avatar
Registered Users
Formerly: diapermamaagain
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,014
My Mood:
Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

DH was not on board. Which sent me into a crying fit like a 5 year old.

I didn't know it was an underlying issue, but before my mind could comprehend my thoughts and feelings I started crying about how it just wasn't fair that I never got to experience labor, and since I'm having my tubes tied I'll 'never get to have a natural birth, never feel contractions, never have a normal/natural labor where after baby is born I get to hop into the shower and feel like a normal human being with visitors'.

I tried to explain about how unfair and uncomfortable it was to be wheeled into my room with my family and his family already there and waiting. I had *just* gotten feeling back into my legs, but the nurses *still* had to assist me from my recovery bed into my room bed. And I was still attached to the cath, and to an IV, I had the fancy socks on and they attached the machine to keep away blood clots AND nurses surrounding me with blood pressure cuffs and wanting to put pads under me and check my incision.

All I wanted to do was hug my children and snuggle and nurse my new baby and go to sleep. And everyone wanted pictures and to talk and to hold the baby.....

I'm not proud of it, but I left the room in tears.

He ended up calling his parents while I was out of the room and just told them that it would be better if they came up the weekend after.

That, of course, made me frustrated because he only called them because I cried instead of doing it because he understood what I was asking.
Anyway...he said he did it because regardless of what he did or didn't understand he did it because he loves me and it was what I wanted.

So, yeah! Now, I don't have to stress over it for the next week at all! *relief*
HLCreations is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.