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Old 07-30-2011, 09:29 PM   #1
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My poem for us EPers

I didn't want to leave his room. I didn't want to leave him alone. He fell asleep against my chest. So peaceful. So sweet. But my heart still ached for what could've been....what should have been.*
My body had been created to nurture him, in every way. And though my body knew what to do, his could not. Still, he needed me. For everything. I would give him all I had. Did it matter if he got nourishment at his fathers hand? Did it matter who's eyes he gazed into when he was fed? I suppose not. I had to remind myself that daily. I loved him and I would do whatever he needed of me. *My love came purely innocent. I needed no credit.
As I rocked him, much longer than necessary, I closed my eyes and pretended we were there. He was nursing. Content in my arms. Milk running down his cheek. My heart was happy.
But...it was not real. We would never be fulfilled at my breast.
I placed him in his bed. He was perfect. So I left his room to pour out, pump out, my liquid love. I would keep this up as long as he needed. My love for him had no end date or finish line. This was my labor of love.

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Old 07-30-2011, 09:33 PM   #2
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Re: My poem for us EPers

oh kels, that's beautiful. and i'm sitting here with tears running down.
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Old 07-30-2011, 09:38 PM   #3
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Re: My poem for us EPers

Thanks Helen. I had to share. I figured that I couldn't be the only one that felt this way. You're the best! <3 u
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Old 07-30-2011, 09:39 PM   #4
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Re: My poem for us EPers

Oh jeez! Why am I crying now??!! I am 7 months out! For goodness sake...
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Old 08-01-2011, 04:05 PM   #5
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Re: My poem for us EPers

I totally started bawling. It *is* beautiful and so true. My DD has a cleft palate, exclusive breast feeding was not an option. I'm actually pumping as I type, it's really the only time I can get on the computer, because otherwise she's attached to me. It still breaks my heart, and in some ways, I feel so cheated.
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Old 08-01-2011, 06:20 PM   #6
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Tears here too and I'm 10 months into my EPing journey. Just a few days ago, in a sleepy haze, one if my boys rooted at my breast and started sucking on my shirt for the first time in probably 8 months. I foolishly thought of offering him a breast. I didn't but just the thought made me tear up. I don't think I will ever not feel this brand of loss.
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Old 08-01-2011, 07:54 PM   #7
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Re: My poem for us EPers

Bump
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Glad that I am a cloth diapering, non-vaxing, anti-circ, green living, breastfeeding/EP-ing
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:51 PM   #8
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Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
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CHECK MY STATS FOR LOTS OF FSOT!!!
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Old 08-05-2011, 07:57 AM   #9
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Re: My poem for us EPers

Such a nice poem! Thanks for sharing!
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Old 08-08-2011, 10:09 AM   #10
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Re: My poem for us EPers

Wow - that was beautiful!
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