Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-08-2011, 02:23 AM   #21
Wanderlust's Avatar
Wanderlust
Registered Users
Formerly: jen**eth
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Germany via military
Posts: 6,127
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

Don't know of a child, but one of my best friends (lost contact with him in the past few years) is transgendered. Born with male parts but felt more comfortable living as a woman.

My friend's parents were very strict and he had a hard time with guilt, thinking he was evil, etc because of it. He ended up marrying a wonderful woman and they have a child together. When he moved out as a young adult, he had a hard time adjusting- he wanted to be "normal" so he tried to act like a macho guy to hide his secret. It made me sad for him that it took until he was almost 30 to finally feel comfortable with who he really is.

When he lives with as a woman, he dresses like a regular woman- he doesn't dress like a drag queen He's very lucky and he has a slim figure so he doesn't stick out too much. He lives as a male when he's at work and lives as a woman the rest of the time.

Katie- I think you're doing everything right- taking your cues from your DD. It may just be a phase or it may not be. The best thing is to continue your support and love like you're doing.

Advertisement

__________________
Proud wife to Air Force DH. Honored SAHM to my twins Samuel and David.
EP'ed for 1 year!
Wanderlust is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 06:50 AM   #22
bobbyjk's Avatar
bobbyjk
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 827
My Mood:
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

I believe Lisa Ling did an episode on her new show Our America (I think it's on the O Network) about transgender children and their parents. I only saw a video clip of it and the story I saw was about a young boy (5) living as a girl. I'm not sure if they followed another child, but the parents of the boy were so amazing and supportive! You can Google it for video clips - you may find it helpful.
__________________
K - wife to S and mama to H and new baby V
bobbyjk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 07:17 AM   #23
keysersoze's Avatar
keysersoze
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: with three little monkeys
Posts: 1,077
My Mood:
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carriek38 View Post
I'm not raising a trans child, but have done some work w/ trans individuals & have taken some specialized classes. Yes, the things you point out could be indicators that your DD is experiencing some gender dysphoria. If it's not currently causing her any distress to have female genitalia & you're okay w/ her expressing her gender in a more masculine fashion, continue to go with it. And BTW, GREAT job for being supportive & understanding in a situation that makes many uncomfortable; not everyone could/would do it. If it is causing your DD any distress (like, even if she's insisting on being called Henry & peers are giving her a problem), I'd take her to a counselor that specializes in GLBT issues.

FWIW, not that it matters right now, as it sounds like your DD is generally a pretty well-adjusted kid, but she may start to delineate whether she is content the way she is now (w/ female "parts" but expressing her gender as female), or whether she feels she is assigned the wrong sex organs...if that's the case, talking with her about how her body will develop (so she knows what to expect) is integral. At some point, it may be appropriate to talk w/ her about the medical interventions that may be available.

jmoon--I also am uncomfortable w/ delaying the onset of puberty in general...but there's a pretty good research base suggesting that it is exactly the right & most humane thing to do for kids who are absolutely & without a doubt gender dysphoric & transgendered. Pubescing into the wrong sex/gender is incredibly traumatic for kids who were born into the wrongly-sexed body & this seems to be the trigger for all the depression, self-hate, etc. that are incredibly prevalent among trans youth. Their bodies have betrayed them, despite all their wants & thoughts & against what they feel is "meant to be". And honestly, if there's a thought that the kid may want ANY medical intervention for any kind of gender reassignment, it's better to delay development than to "undo" the wrong sex's puberty. Nothing's more conspicuous than a MTF trans w/ size 13 feet & an adam's apple, nor can a post-top-surgery FTM walk around w/o a shirt w/o displaying his mastectomy scars, proclaiming his trans status. Why make an individual go through that when they don't have to?

KT--I'd connect w/ your local PFLAG chapter for some linkages. Also, most colleges & universities would have an LGBT resource center that could help you. Our local AIDS Community Resource Center is the umbrella organization for the "Q-Center", a resource center for kids & teens dealing w/ any LGBTQ-related issues; either for themselves or a loved one...so it's LGBTQ kids, or kids w/ a friend or family member who is identified as LGBTQ.

If there are any questions I can answer for you or resources I can look up, I'm happy to do so...just PM me or let me know .
This is some exceptional advice. While I'm not comfortable discussing it in an open forum, I'd be happy to pm/email about this. My brother transitioned as an adult and I know that from a very young age he knew that he was born with the wrong organs (he was born with female sex organs), and he battled severe depression, suicide attempts, etc. all through adolescence and into young adulthood until he transitioned about 6 years ago. So, while I don't have any experience with this as a parent, I do have some pretty intimate knowledge of what his youth was like as well as his transition and life since.

ETA: This conference has a pretty strong focus on Trans youth, and while it's waay on the other side of the country from Vegas, the Mazzoni Center that organizes the conference may be able to point you in the direction of some more local resources, or more generally, resources for parenting a trans-identified child.
__________________
SAHD to J 12.27.05, M 12.27.08, and A 2.15.11.

Last edited by keysersoze; 08-08-2011 at 08:54 AM. Reason: Philly conference info
keysersoze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 08:31 AM   #24
carriek38's Avatar
carriek38
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ponyville
Posts: 9,269
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

Quote:
Originally Posted by keysersoze View Post
This is some exceptional advice. While I'm not comfortable discussing it in an open forum, I'd be happy to pm/email about this. My brother transitioned as an adult and I know that from a very young age he knew that he was born with the wrong organs (he was born with female sex organs), and he battled severe depression, suicide attempts, etc. all through adolescence and into young adulthood until he transitioned about 6 years ago. So, while I don't have any experience with this as a parent, I do have some pretty intimate knowledge of what his youth was like as well as his transition and life since.
Your brother is an exceptionally strong person . I remember that you live in the same area as me...not the most open & accepting place on earth, so I can only imagine the challenges that go along w/ transitioning. But I'm really encouraged that there are people like you & KTMelody who are supportive and empathetic toward their loved ones who are living with a largely poorly understood & highly stigmatized condition. It's a testament to unconditional love .
__________________
Carrie. Wifey to F, Mama to Baby Bear, Nugget, and Teeny.
carriek38 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 10:32 AM   #25
ktmelody
No Longer Here
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 20,304
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by keysersoze

This is some exceptional advice. While I'm not comfortable discussing it in an open forum, I'd be happy to pm/email about this. My brother transitioned as an adult and I know that from a very young age he knew that he was born with the wrong organs (he was born with female sex organs), and he battled severe depression, suicide attempts, etc. all through adolescence and into young adulthood until he transitioned about 6 years ago. So, while I don't have any experience with this as a parent, I do have some pretty intimate knowledge of what his youth was like as well as his transition and life since.

ETA: This conference has a pretty strong focus on Trans youth, and while it's waay on the other side of the country from Vegas, the Mazzoni Center that organizes the conference may be able to point you in the direction of some more local resources, or more generally, resources for parenting a trans-identified child.
Thanks mama. I am glad to hear your brother is doing better since his transition. I just want her to be happy no mater what she chooses. I dont want her to have to deal with bullying, hate and depression. But right now she is a happy 6 year old so I cant worry to much. So many unknowns, i guess we cross that bridge when we come to them.
ktmelody is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 10:41 AM   #26
escapethevillage's Avatar
escapethevillage
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 8,351
My Mood:
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

I don't have any real answers. But, it is pretty easy with a girl. Especially at this age. You just let her shop with you, and wear what she wants, play what she wants, whatever. With girls, it's considered cute and open minded, with boys, it's probably viewed differently. I think I'd just accept it, but feel a little awkward at first. With girls, it doesn't even raise an eyebrow.

In the 80s, I worked in a school where one of the teachers had an "ambiguous" baby. She was born with both make and female genitals. Back then, they chose a gender for the child before they left the hospital. Back then, they stupidly assumed you could raise a child to be whatever gender you wanted them to be, and they would grow up to be that gender.

So, they chose "girl" and named her Lucy. As it turned out, they were right. Lucy is very much a girl. But, I guess it could have gone the other way.
__________________

Last edited by escapethevillage; 08-08-2011 at 10:46 AM.
escapethevillage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 11:13 AM   #27
Psychomom's Avatar
Psychomom
Formerly: Boomer
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 8,762
My Mood:
Re: S/O of sorts....anyone raising a transgendered child, or gender confused child?

I am not raising a transgendered/gender confused child, but both my husband and I have thought our youngest son could be gay from the time he was 2 years old. He's turning 5 next month and we don't even think about it anymore because he is just the way he is. It's just normal to us.
__________________
A real woman always has a clean house, an empty laundry basket, smells good, is well made-up, slim, healthy, eloquent, and perfectly well behaved...I suspect I am a man.
Psychomom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.