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Old 08-09-2011, 11:47 AM   #1
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Being sent to her room...

So is it still a punishment if you send them to their room and they start playing. I have tried all sorts of discipline with my very "high spirited" dd who is in her much-more-terrible 3s. Lately instead of losing my cool, I tell her to go in her room and shut the door. Pretty much every time she comes out on her own and acts like nothing happened, usually with a new attitude.

Do you think this is teaching a good lesson? Like your attitude is not appreciated and you are welcome to join us when you change it.

I have up on time outs and other choices of discipline because nothing seems to work.

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Old 08-09-2011, 11:56 AM   #2
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I honestly don't see anything wrong with it. What you are teaching her is that, if for some reason she feels unable to behave properly, she should retreat from the situation and have some time to regroup and then rejoin others once she is ready to show better behavior. This is a GOOD thing for kids to learn. Hopefully she'll even start going to her room herself (without being told) when she starts to feel overstimulated or out of control, which would be a good indication that she is self-aware and is able to monitor her own behavior instead of being in an endless cycle of "punishment."

If it works, it works!
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:56 AM   #3
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Re: Being sent to her room...

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Originally Posted by MissyMia View Post
So is it still a punishment if you send them to their room and they start playing. I have tried all sorts of discipline with my very "high spirited" dd who is in her much-more-terrible 3s. Lately instead of losing my cool, I tell her to go in her room and shut the door. Pretty much every time she comes out on her own and acts like nothing happened, usually with a new attitude.

Do you think this is teaching a good lesson? Like your attitude is not appreciated and you are welcome to join us when you change it.

I have up on time outs and other choices of discipline because nothing seems to work.
The bolded is key. I send my 3yo DS2 to his room when he's in his super whiney-nothing will please him mood. It's like pressing a reset button for him and he comes back out (I do go get him) all sweet and happy and cooperative again.

My goal is for him to learn just what you said-his attitude is inappropriate and he needs to keep it to himself until he is ready to be civilized again.

ETA: My oldest recently messed up big time while at his grandparents' house and told me, "I think I need to go upstairs and get in bed for a while." It seemed to be a good idea for everyone right then.
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Old 08-09-2011, 12:15 PM   #4
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I think of it as a regrouping. If she comes out with a better attitude and keeps you from blowing your top then its doing what it needs to. Doesn't matter if she plays or not like pp said its the reset button. I use it too. It seems to work way better to send her to her room then time out. She just screams in time out- which frazzles me even more and we end up in a pretty nasty cycle, but when I send her to her room she is usually quiet and comes out better then when she went in. And I get to stay relaxed and calm.
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Old 08-09-2011, 12:22 PM   #5
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I do that with both girls. When they're nuts I send them to their rooms. 1-they hate that they cant play with each other 2-they get time to calm down 3-they have a great oppertunity to focus on something other then what the problem was. As long as they come out with an approperiate attitude they are welcomed to stay with the other family members-if not then back they go!
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Old 08-09-2011, 04:13 PM   #6
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I always tried not to send Dd to her room, it's like sending her to Disneyland. however I did send her there yesterday just for the break from her being so defiant and me not wanting to yell.
At three I sat her in the hallway next to a cupboard, the first time I think I took her back at least a dozen times, but she got the hang of it eventually and it worked for a long time, I think I need to start doing it again instead of sending her to her room.
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Old 08-09-2011, 04:35 PM   #7
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I think it sounds like a good strategy to me. I mean, it's getting you the desired result- a reset in attitude. I think that's much more valuable than 'punishment' kwim?

To me they are sort of two different things. My DD was put in timeout last night because she would not keep her hands and feet off her baby brother and she was doing it deliberately to test me. So timeout it was. But I have brought her to her room if she just needs to cool off/is exhausted/unwinding, or just generally needs to chill out for some reason. I think kids having a space where they can retreat to and reset themselves (as well as knowing HOW to do that) is invaluable- there are lots of adults who would benefit from doing the same thing!
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Old 08-09-2011, 09:10 PM   #8
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Re: Being sent to her room...

I still do this w/ the stepsons (12 and 13); even tell them "we all need a break from each other". It works wonders. I'm in a better mood, their in a better mood, their dad is in a better mood. If they come out with a bad attitude, they can go right back, but that's rare. Trust me, I understand your frustration, it really sheds a new light on why other animals eat their young when the 13 goes all emo on us.
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:00 PM   #9
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Re: Being sent to her room...

So basically what you're saying is that she is learning how to put herself back in check when she isn't behaving? I think that's a great thing!! So what if she's playing? One day it may be reading a book or going for a walk. As long as she is doing something that is healthy then I think it's wonderful. Plus if it's helping you not lose your cool then that's really important too.
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Old 08-10-2011, 05:04 AM   #10
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My mom says she used to send me to my room with the same results. I think I just needed time to get back in my own head. I seem to always be paying attention to what's going on around me and if I were 3 I wouldn't have known what to do when I felt overstimulated. So going to my room and taking time to sort things through was good. My 10 year old, a bit like me, needs quiet time in his room each day.
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