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Old 08-10-2011, 02:21 PM   #1
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My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

...it seems to be worse than usual Ever since he was a tiny baby he was been super sensitive. He didn't very much like to have other people hold him. He didn't like to be put down. He didn't even really like strangers to look at him or talk to him. He would occasionally cry for what seemed (to an adult) like a silly reason. I never tried to force him out of his comfort zone and I always tried to be empathetic. As he got older (particularly when he started entering the toddler stage) I saw him really start to come out of his shell all on his own. He was still super shy but I was seeing improvement and I felt happy and proud that he was making this progress on his own terms.
That brings us to now. Lately he seems to be becoming more sensitive. For example, the other night my mom was over for supper. We were all chatting in the kitchen and I had just made us tea. I accidentally put my tea in the mug I said was for my mom, and put her tea in my mug. So my mom asked, "which one is mine?" I looked and started to say, "The one with more milk..." and then I realized my mistake and said, "OOPS! Sorry bout that! I gave you the wrong mug!." I kind of laughed and my mom didn't care about the mistake so she laughed too and said it was alright. And out of nowhere DS burst into tears! A similar thing happened a few nights later. DH and I were talking and DS caught my eye and I saw his lip trembling so I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I don't know what's upsetting him and he can't/won't explain to me.
Another problem lately is the shyness. I have never had a problem with his shyness before. I was a shy child and I grew out of it...eventually. And I guess I know deep down that he likely will too. I'm still a bit shy so maybe I shouldn't expect him to just get over it so soon. But the thing is, it just breaks my heart when I see him lower his head or turn away when someone talks to him. I never really thought about shyness as being a bad thing really. But lately I've been thinking about how shyness is an anxiety. I don't want my child to be anxious and stressed! All I want is for him to be happy and carefree!

Anyways...I don't know if I'm really looking for advice, or if I just wanted to talk about how I'm feeling about all this. Maybe I just want to hear that someone else can relate.

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Old 08-10-2011, 03:07 PM   #2
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Re: My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

Honestly I would take him to the pediatrician and talk about the issues you are having. Crying over you giving your mom the wrong cup seems to me that it could be something else going on here. I know some kids are overly sensitive but that is just beyond what I have seen before.

I was always a shy kid (and I'm still shy but I try really hard to act like I'm not in public situations because it comes off as me being stuck up). I wouldn't turn my head but I would hide under my moms skirt or legs.

Anyways could totally be fine, but I would take him in and talk about your concerns just in case.
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Old 08-10-2011, 05:13 PM   #3
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Re: My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

My oldest DD sounds a lot like you litte guy, although now she has moved from being "shy" to being just "reserved." She's really blossomed, but will never being a super outgoing individual.

There was period of time when DD would just burst into tears when any mistake/accident happened. We have never punished her for mistakes or accidents such as spilling milk or breaking something. I'm not even sure why she would burst into tears- it would happen if she did something or even DH or I did something. I think she was starting to realize that her actions have effects (or others), and just got overwhelmed with emotions. Tears became the outlet.

If you're concerned about anxiety then I would speak with your Ped. who can maybe point you into the direction of some resources that could really help.
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Old 08-10-2011, 06:37 PM   #4
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My older boys used to be extremely shy. I remember telling someone to not look directly at one of them at 4 months old. As toddlers and young preschoolers I had to literally push them through the door of the LLL meeting- that we had been going to monthly since they were 4 months old. They didn't like family to hold them or talk to them. Then around 4 or so they began to open up! It was like a miracle!
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Old 08-11-2011, 09:19 AM   #5
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Re: My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

I find doctors to be pretty useless most of the time. Even when there's obvious physical signs of illness I find that doctors can be pretty idiotic. I don't think I'll rush off to the doctor yet. If this continues over the next few months, and most definitely if it seems to get any worse, then I'll talk to a professional about it.
It's nice to hear that others have experience with children with similar personalities and "issues", and that they turned out just fine.
Thanks for the responses
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Old 08-11-2011, 09:45 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Qbit
I find doctors to be pretty useless most of the time. Even when there's obvious physical signs of illness I find that doctors can be pretty idiotic. I don't think I'll rush off to the doctor yet. If this continues over the next few months, and most definitely if it seems to get any worse, then I'll talk to a professional about it.
It's nice to hear that others have experience with children with similar personalities and "issues", and that they turned out just fine.
Thanks for the responses
I agree.

I just wanted to offer some hugs. I'm still horribly shy and I hate it. It interferes with my life but I'm not sure what my mom could have done to help. Sometimes I just think this is how I am. However a friend of mine's 3 year old went through the super sensitive thing last year where she would cry if her food wasn't arranged a certain way or if something small went wrong like the mug thing. She has grown out of it now so I hope your DS does too.
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Old 08-11-2011, 10:05 AM   #7
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Re: My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

Both of my boys are pretty sensitive kids. DS2 has actually been labeled high needs because of his excessive crying & neediness.

DS1 wasn't always so shy & sensitive. He was actually pretty outgoing until about 6 months ago. We sent him to nursery school 2x a week for socialization etc. & it really damaged him. I'm not sure if he was picked on or didn't respond well to the teacher, but he became withdrawn & started crying at the drop of a hat. We went to the end of the year picture day & he was miserable! It broke my heart. He had his head down most of the time & broke down crying at least 3 times. One boy in particular seemed to enjoy picking on him & this child was at least a year older than DS & also bigger, so it was horrible to watch. In the group shot we got every other child is looking at the camera but DS' head is down. So sad. We got through that day & we never took him back.

I've actually been thinking about calling public health & seeing if a nurse can make a home visit & speak to us & see if she would recommend DS seeing someone else for some of his behaviors.
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Old 08-11-2011, 02:15 PM   #8
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Re: My DS has always been sensitive and shy, but lately...

I have seen this is all of the kids turning 3, I think it is totally normal and not related to the shy/reserved thing. It must be a very emotionally turbulent time for them. My DS is not particularly shy or reserved or sensitive or anything but since turning 3 life can be a drama. I think it must be when they start to develop empathy or something. This week's incidents include

hysterical and inconsolable at forgetting to listen to the "tunnel song" while we drove through the tunnels in the car

complete devastation that the neighbor's toy car that he thought was red (and apparently had looked forward to driving a red car) turned out to be blue

sympathetic sobbing at the fact that some man coming out of the ice cream store dropped his ice cream cone on the sidewalk
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