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Old 08-23-2011, 02:21 PM   #11
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Re: Do you ever feel bad bout things you couldnt/cant do

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing everything you can and that counts the most. One thing to consider is that you will have first hand experience about being a young parent and can use that knowledge to guide your children and help them learn when the best time would be to start a family.


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Old 08-24-2011, 10:17 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by happysmileylady

I TOTALLY, completely, 100% get exactly what you mean!

I got pg with my oldest when I was 17, I had JUST turned 18 when she was born. I graduated high school (actually, I had her just as my last semester ended.) I then went to work, and then college, and graduated college as well.

And now, she's going to be 16 in a few months. I have a 2yr old and a 11 month old. I am married, we have a house, DH is working full time, finishing up his last semester of school. I work still, but just part time, and even then, my shift is only 5 hours long, and everyone's only awake for 3ish of those 5 hours. I am home for my 2 young ones from when they wake up until just 3 hours (or less) before they go to bed. And, going forward, once DH has his degree, it's VERY likely that I will be able to stay home for good. I will be home for them after school, no after school care like DD1 had. I can bake cookies for them for an after school snack, never able to with DD1. And so on. They have each other to grow up with, DD1 grew up as an only.

I do sometimes feel bad that I couldn't give those things or opportunities to DD1. That she kinda just got tagged along as an accessory to my life.

But, I am slowly, VERY slowly, realizing that there are good things that are a part of DD1s life, that won't be for the younger ones. DD1 just went to Europe this summer, because of generous gifts from MIL and FIL, as well as my own parents, plus she saved and paid a portion and we did too. It's pretty unlikely really that DD2 and DD3 will have those opportunities. Being so close together, that sort of thing will be much less financially feasible. More importantly, MIL just recently passed away. DD1 got 10 years with her, DD2 only got 2, most of which she spent afraid of her due to "stranger anxiety." And DD3 will be a year old in September. Neither of them will ever get to know their grandmother. DD1 enjoys a special relationship with her other grandparents, something that grew out of spending so much time with them while I was in school, while I was trying to build a life as a single mom. DD2 and 3 will still have a great relationship with my parents too, but it will, out of necessity, be different.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that yes, there are things I can give DD2 and 3, that I wasn't able to give DD1. But there are also things that DD1 has had in her life, but the other two won't have the chance at.

And, as I am realizing, that's life. That's really just the way life is. It was really no different in my own family despite the fact that my siblings and I were all close in age. There are things my parents were able to do for and give to my youngest sister that they weren't able to do for or give to me, simply because I was the oldest and they were dealing with four of us, vs dealing with my sister and 3 other adult or nearly adult children. Even outside of and opportunities and such, they are all different for EVERYONE. That's just how it is. Life hands each individual person their own unique set of circumstances to deal with and grow up with. And unfortunately, as much as we as parents like to keep things fair, we just can't make things always exactly equal for all our children.

Or at least that's what I tell myself when I start to get a big down about it. I just don't want any of my kids to feel like they were loved less.
You make very good points! Thank you
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Old 08-24-2011, 12:01 PM   #13
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I feel bad about that kind of thing all the time. I hate that none of my kids ever got a nursery and that we don't really have the money to put ODD in gymnastics when she really wants to go (my friends DD goes) I think guilt is a part of parenting. And besides our kids will understand living within their means much better than others. You love your babies and give them what they need so try not to feel guilty.

I'm on my phone and the touchscreen hates me so my posts are short, to the point and probably misspelled.
My urchins are K (10/06)A (09/08)M (07/10)

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