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Old 08-23-2011, 08:39 AM   #1
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What do you think defines being over-protective?

For instance, last year when my daughter was 8, was the first time I allowed her to ride her bike alone to a friend's house in the neighborhood. She's my oldest and it never dawned on me to let her do this until the same friend came to our house by herself. Also, all of my kids (ages 9, 7, and 5yo twins) are all in 5pt. harness car seats still...some may think it's going overboard to make a 9yo still sit in one but I'm okay with it. Most of the time, I'm comfortable with my choices but sometimes I do wonder if I'm holding them back from things their peers would be doing.

So, how do you know if you're being over-protective?

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Old 08-23-2011, 08:51 AM   #2
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

It really depends... I won't let my kids ride their bikes in our neighborhood ever, we live in the city and or neighborhood streets have a lot of twists and turns and I get close to hitting on average one kid a day when I'm only going 15mph.

I guess a parent who doesn't want to let their kids get hurt, fail or any of the other bad things that can happen so much that they want to be there all the time so they can 'protect' their kids.
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Old 08-23-2011, 08:58 AM   #3
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

Attitude might define overprotective more than what you actually do than don't do? I have always said I would rather mine lived to see a therapist than disappeared. My other part of this attitude is my "relationship" with the LORD GOD, I do KNOW that my children actually belong to HIM, but that I am ultimately answerable to HIM for how and what I did and did not do in their lives! About all the really personal advice I can give to you is pray about it and listen to GOD for HIS answer
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Old 08-23-2011, 09:36 AM   #4
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I am. I am embrace it.

My daughter has a neurological issue that causes severe vertigo, so she can easily get an attack and really hurt herself. Since her diagnosis I have been nuts about them being really careful.


My 8 year old is in a booster, by 5 and 4 year olds still get harnessed. The baby of couse is still RF. They dont walk to friends houses alone, or play out front without supervision. We also live in Las Vegas, and although the neighborhood is safe, it isnt small town Kansas here.

I try to step back as much as possible, like at the park, but I also like to be with my kids and engage with them, so I dont think it is all over a bad thing.
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Old 08-23-2011, 11:04 AM   #5
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

When your parenting hinders a child's natural developmental growth & progress instead of enhancing it.
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Old 08-23-2011, 11:59 AM   #6
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

I say protecting you child from danger is good...

Protecting your child from life is being over protective. For Instance: In some schools, teachers are no longer allowed to grade papers in red because it can damage a child's self esteem...

really... Kids need to learn how to deal with negative emotions and positive ones. They are not going to change the negative drops in the stock market to purple because red may scare some people...

Things like that. I wouldn't let my 8 year old be unsupervised outside for longer than checking the mailbox...(unless in the back yard with a fence). I wouldn't let my 14 year old go walk around the mall by themselves... until my kids are old enough to drive... they will always be under the supervision of an adult... I just don't trust society... but ... when I was in high school, my city had the most murders of every city in the country...

But I will let them experience loss and pain just like they will as an adult.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:28 PM   #7
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nakedbabytoes View Post
When your parenting hinders a child's natural developmental growth & progress instead of enhancing it.
This.

I think it today's world a little over-protectiveness is okay. But, kids also need room to grow or they may begin to feel resentful and start to rebel later.
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Old 08-24-2011, 01:24 PM   #8
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Re: What do you think defines being over-protective?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nakedbabytoes View Post
When your parenting hinders a child's natural developmental growth & progress instead of enhancing it.
this.

It's important for your child to learn to deal with negative things like getting an F for not doing their homework, falling and learning that you have to get back up, etc. When they go out into the real world, they encounter things and if they've never had to fix their own problems, then they'll be at a disadvantage. It's better to let them learn to fall when it doesn't hurt so much rather than later when it could make a bigger impact.

As for the actual example used by the OP, um... I think that depends on your neighborhood. If it's just houses and not a busy street, certainly that would be sooner than later. I used to get up by myself and walk down the street at 6am when I was 4yo and ask if 'Andrew could come out and play'. Yes, I see definite issues with this, not even taking into account that I was repeatedly waking up Andrew's mother (who always tells me this story fondly, so thankfully didn't hold it against me). And no, I don't know how I did this without my parents knowing - maybe I was just super quiet - it's hard to say.

We live in military housing and I see kids of varying ages all over the place. There are a couple little kids - looks like they are maybe 3? - that ride their little bikes several houses away. Usually their parents are in the yard doing yard work or something. I realize we are in a 'safer' environment than some, but I dunno, sometimes I think that's worse because some of these kids are so clueless about cars because we drive so slow that they don't even have to think about it. There's error there too.
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