Diaper Swappers

**Mpierce** · 09-16-2011, 08:14 AM

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joyful mother · 09-16-2011, 08:55 AM

I had a long reply and went to hit send and the internet connection stopped working so I lost the whole thing.

Anyways after reading your reply to I will just resay it is really her loss if she is that messed up you guys are really not losing anything. Probably your best bet is to do what you can and try to help dh come to grips with what is. Help him come deal with his inner demons and accepted what truly is and it's okay if he feels jipped of having a real mother, he just can't let him eat him alive. You can't do anything to force the process but you can not hinder it coming and of course you can support him thru it and

pray it's short

. On the other hand if it means so much to him you may not want to vent to him your frustration we are here.

My answer is yes and no. But my MIL insists on doing things with the kiddos but on her schedule and everything wrong is my fault. At our house this scenario would probably go something like this. I tell dh "I don't expect you to do anything about this, I just need to vent" then I would rant and rave about how I just don't get this woman, what is she thinking, does she really not care, she thinks I have a problem?, etc. Somewhere in the mix dh might say "just because I love her doesn't mean I understand her". Then at the end dh would say I'm so glad they are moving soon (it used to be, where do you want to move to?)

It sounds like Shaun's mom is just a flake, so don't make plans around her.

**Mpierce** · 09-16-2011, 09:01 AM

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susie190 · 09-16-2011, 09:02 AM

I no real advice either Morgan but it would irritate me too.

joyful mother · 09-16-2011, 09:23 AM

Krisha~ You know how when you fly they have the instructions for if the plane were to go down and there is the part that says first secure the oxygen for yourself then go help others, that was where I was coming from. DH really can't handle the stress of taking on those that aren't his responsibility. If he was my brother and he moved in and we had absolutely no money, I would tell him he needs to go down to Labor Ready (temp usually one day placement jobs) and get some money for this months rent or he can sell something on Craigslist, get rid of every bill of his own for now, no phone - uses yours for jobs and gives you the money he would have used to keep his phone going, walks most everywhere or stays home except for looking for a job, absolutely no fast food, living on Mac n Cheese, no movie rentals (any of that money goes to you). He can go stand in line to get food from the food bank for the family and then he can come home and cook it while your not feeling so great, he can clean for you while you're down leaving one less thing for dh to focus on. I've watched lots of friends in your position over the years and watched the dh's blood pressure spike while family is mooching off of them. My advice is just don't let it be a free ride and make sure he knows what is expected of him.

Since dh has been unemployed so long are you getting food assistance, if so let them know that you have another mouth to provide food for. So sorry all of you have to be in this position in the first place

joyful mother · 09-16-2011, 09:29 AM

Morgan~ Ask dh if it's okay if you don't put your life on hold for her? Ask if it's okay to ask her to do some stuff while she's there, like dishes etc cause you can't be playing hostess at that point you need to be working on recovering. And yes you do have the chance to give your kiddos something so much better. You also have the chance to show your kids how to be the bigger person, the one who is gracious. When you do, the favor will be returned to you in the future when you make a mistake (which we all do).

Sara~ We need a poop update.

VWgurl619 · 09-16-2011, 10:08 AM

Hehe Crissi, it's been going... Most def not like it should though

Morgan,

no advice here either but it would most def. Irritate me.. :/ and I have noooooooo clue what her inseam is at the present moment but she's in like 24 mo pants sometimes 18

**Mpierce** · 09-16-2011, 10:10 AM

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Ready2Bmommy · 09-16-2011, 10:41 AM

Morgan- What a tall little girlie!!! My MIL likes to do that too...tell us when she's coming. However, we're a little luckier in that she's closer and doesn't stay long...and doesn't stay with us. Wes and Shaun are different in their views too. Wes' mom chose a man over him when he was in college and it left him living in his aunt's basement...taking 18 hours of classes an hour from home and working full-time. He has a better relationship now with her than he did when I first met him, but it doesn't bother him to not have much to do with her. He will even tell her that we have something going on sometimes...even if we don't...just b/c it makes him mad that she assumes we're going to flex to her. I wish the situation were better for you. You don't need that stress now or when Grayson gets here.

Sara- Sorry it's not much better yet.

AFM: I've been having contractions now for about 2 hours. They aren't entirely consistent, but they are mostly about 6-7 minutes apart. So...now I'm just waiting for them to stop on me. That's what they have done every other time!

**Mpierce** · 09-16-2011, 10:54 AM

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09-16-2011, 08:14 AM	#311
Mpierce Banned Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: MD Posts: 5,220 Ratings: 33 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: August 2009 Two Year Olds! . __________________ member requested for account to close Last edited by Mpierce; 11-15-2011 at 06:24 PM.

09-16-2011, 08:55 AM	#312
joyful mother Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 4,162 Ratings: 164 Feedback: 100%	Re: August 2009 Two Year Olds! I had a long reply and went to hit send and the internet connection stopped working so I lost the whole thing. Anyways after reading your reply to I will just resay it is really her loss if she is that messed up you guys are really not losing anything. Probably your best bet is to do what you can and try to help dh come to grips with what is. Help him come deal with his inner demons and accepted what truly is and it's okay if he feels jipped of having a real mother, he just can't let him eat him alive. You can't do anything to force the process but you can not hinder it coming and of course you can support him thru it and pray it's short. On the other hand if it means so much to him you may not want to vent to him your frustration we are here. My answer is yes and no. But my MIL insists on doing things with the kiddos but on her schedule and everything wrong is my fault. At our house this scenario would probably go something like this. I tell dh "I don't expect you to do anything about this, I just need to vent" then I would rant and rave about how I just don't get this woman, what is she thinking, does she really not care, she thinks I have a problem?, etc. Somewhere in the mix dh might say "just because I love her doesn't mean I understand her". Then at the end dh would say I'm so glad they are moving soon (it used to be, where do you want to move to?) It sounds like Shaun's mom is just a flake, so don't make plans around her. __________________ Crissi, wife to my very best friend for 16 yrs. Momma to a 14.5 yr old boy almost 13 yr old girl 11 yr old girl 7.5 yr old boy,5 yr old boy coming up on 4 yr old girl. Last edited by joyful mother; 09-16-2011 at 09:23 AM.

09-16-2011, 09:01 AM	#313
Mpierce Banned Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: MD Posts: 5,220 Ratings: 33 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: August 2009 Two Year Olds! . __________________ member requested for account to close Last edited by Mpierce; 11-15-2011 at 06:25 PM.

09-16-2011, 09:02 AM	#314
susie190 Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Largo, Florida Posts: 918 Ratings: 7 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	I no real advice either Morgan but it would irritate me too. __________________ Krisha wife to J (07-22-08) and mom to T (08-22-09) Learn how to earn free gift cards at Swagbucks. Like easy cash why not give Jingit a try.

09-16-2011, 09:23 AM	#315
joyful mother Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 4,162 Ratings: 164 Feedback: 100%	Re: August 2009 Two Year Olds! Krisha~ You know how when you fly they have the instructions for if the plane were to go down and there is the part that says first secure the oxygen for yourself then go help others, that was where I was coming from. DH really can't handle the stress of taking on those that aren't his responsibility. If he was my brother and he moved in and we had absolutely no money, I would tell him he needs to go down to Labor Ready (temp usually one day placement jobs) and get some money for this months rent or he can sell something on Craigslist, get rid of every bill of his own for now, no phone - uses yours for jobs and gives you the money he would have used to keep his phone going, walks most everywhere or stays home except for looking for a job, absolutely no fast food, living on Mac n Cheese, no movie rentals (any of that money goes to you). He can go stand in line to get food from the food bank for the family and then he can come home and cook it while your not feeling so great, he can clean for you while you're down leaving one less thing for dh to focus on. I've watched lots of friends in your position over the years and watched the dh's blood pressure spike while family is mooching off of them. My advice is just don't let it be a free ride and make sure he knows what is expected of him. Since dh has been unemployed so long are you getting food assistance, if so let them know that you have another mouth to provide food for. So sorry all of you have to be in this position in the first place __________________ Crissi, wife to my very best friend for 16 yrs. Momma to a 14.5 yr old boy almost 13 yr old girl 11 yr old girl 7.5 yr old boy,5 yr old boy coming up on 4 yr old girl. Last edited by joyful mother; 09-16-2011 at 09:34 AM.