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Old 09-06-2011, 04:41 PM   #1
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Hi and a quick question

Well, I must say this board is a nice addition to DS. I'm glad to see it here.

I am Brookglen, and I have a 3 year old step son who is smarter and cuter than a button. I also have a little girl, she's 1 and the light of my life!

I have a question that I think best fits here, although please feel free to direct me elsewhere if you you think it'd be a better fit.

My question is, what can/should you do if the other parent goes against a court agreed schedule. As in flat out refuses to release the child for an agreed scheduled visit?

I'm just curious, because there doesn't seem to be a whole lot protecting the non-custodial parent and we aren't sure how to proceed.

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Old 09-06-2011, 08:16 PM   #2
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Re: Hi and a quick question

The only thing you can do is take it to court and hire an attorney. Even a basic fight adds up. My husband's judge was very nice about the situation and granted him immediate visitation but then she refused to follow it after a few months. There is not much to protect the NCP's rights, just the CP for child support. It sucks. I forget what its called but there is a message board for dads/divorce and they give a lot of good advice but prefer the dad's join over the step-moms just as warning. My husband's case was in Northern CA and the judge was very good and supportive.
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Old 09-07-2011, 08:17 AM   #3
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Re: Hi and a quick question

I would take it back to court. Technically I suppose the custodial parent would be in contempt if there is an order dictating visitation schedules and they are not adhering to it. So I would make sure I documented everything, all missed visits and calls, all written or voicemail messages refusing visitation. EVERYTHING. Voicemail messages or answering machine tapes are admissable in court because the person KNOWS they are being recorded, just so yo u know. So keep any and all incriminating messages. But I would definitely take this situation back to court, if nothing else, to make sure that the situation is recorded in the event of future difficulties with the custodial parent. It will help you in the future so the courts can see that the custodial parent isn't great at following hte court's decision regarding the child and may not have the child's best interests at heart. But you are right, there really is no other help or recourse for the non-custodial parent to foster their relationship with the child and that's not right.
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Old 09-07-2011, 01:48 PM   #4
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Re: Hi and a quick question

are we talking about a one time refusal?

What are her reasonings?

Is she willing to let your SS come a differnt time to make up the time he is not coming?

Court is costly, time consuming, and imo rarely in the best interest of the child (they are making choices fro your family based on a few hours of information). I would try and work with the mother first.


Remember you have to deal with this lady for another 15 years.
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Old 09-07-2011, 03:05 PM   #5
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Re: Hi and a quick question

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeymama07 View Post
are we talking about a one time refusal?

What are her reasonings?

Is she willing to let your SS come a differnt time to make up the time he is not coming?

Court is costly, time consuming, and imo rarely in the best interest of the child (they are making choices fro your family based on a few hours of information). I would try and work with the mother first.


Remember you have to deal with this lady for another 15 years.
Honestly, I can't think of one time when she hasn't made visitation coordination difficult. It's perpetually exhausting trying to work with her.

I won't get into details to avoid boring you to death. But the long and short of it is that my husband will be working one day during the visit and she has decided that that is cause to cancel. The logic simply doesn't fit because he's worked in the past during visits and she never seemed to take issue.

I agree, court is extreme. It just seems so ridiculous that the family legal system can appoint an order without any means or intentions of mandating said order. What's the point of having it court issued at all?
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:05 PM   #6
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Re: Hi and a quick question

Is there a first right of refusal? (meaning if your husband is away from the child for more than a certain amount of time he has to offer his exwife the first "right" to keep the child? (DOes that make sense) but it would still only be during th ework hours and wouldnt mean she can legally cancel the weekend.


It is exhausting have they tried talking with a mediator?

If you have the court order I THINK (could be wrong depending on yoru state and po dept) that you can take the order to the police and that they will enforce it (make her hand the child over) --- now that being said I personally would do that as LAST reort because it could be tramatizing to the child BUT it may work as an encouragement lets follow the court order thing to the mom (let her know your willing to enforce the order this way if need be)

I would also say try and sympathsize with the mom ( I am a mom of a nearly four year old who goes to his dads every other weekend and I personally find it frustrating that his dad doesnt carve out more time to spend with his son when he has him YET requests more time) but my sons dad is not at work doing the time Im frustrated about either.

custody is hard all around. Im sorry shes a difficult person to work with
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:07 PM   #7
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Re: Hi and a quick question

I took a look at the court agreement and it seems to stipulate only three things. Both parents are to agree on a new schedule every year, pay/receive child support, and split the cost of add-ons. Nothing so specific as right of first refusal.

They have gone to a mediator twice prior to the two occasions that she has taken my husband to court. The first to establish custody, the get child support on the books

I'm wondering if the fact that she lives in a different state than the court order has an effect on whether or not the police can enforce it.

As far as being sympathetic towards this woman, I try to make it a point to not carry any emotional ties with certified narcissists. In all fairness, I did my best in the beginning to remain diplomatic about the whole thing, I mean convincing my husband to keep a level head through his frustrations can be a full time job alone. However, the moment she put the looks and character of my infant daughter under scrutiny she lost any chance of ever garnering anything from me. Any sensibilities I maintain regarding the topic of her are strictly maintained out of respect to my step son.

ETA- I hope you don't take any offense to my statement above. Obviously co-parenting is a pain in the butt, and I don't mean to minimize it for anyone. It's just to try so hard to make life easier for all parties when children are involved and to be consistently resisted is incredibly frustrating and would seem to be for naught.

Last edited by brookglen; 09-07-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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