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Old 09-08-2011, 08:37 PM   #1
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DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Okay, I know...whine whine whine. BUT DH is being a total loser lately! Seriously! He hasn't held a steady job for almost 3 years now. He WAS working at my Dad's company and my dad only gave him the job because it took stress off of me and we were able to pay our bills. I know, maybe that was a wrong move, but it helped out SO much. Then DH laid out all the time, embarrassed me by doing so, and my dad thinks he is unreliable and doesn't really want him back.

DH is unreliable when it comes to providing for us. And here I sit, working 8-4 everyday while taking my 1 y/o and 2 y/o with me to work (my mom helps watch them) and then busting my @$$ doing It Works and Avon to help make ends meet almost.

Should I just get out? I love him and he is a good dad...but he's not being a good husband and I just don't WANT to settle for less than I deserve! UGH!!

We do get along great unless money or work is in the discussion. And lately that's been a lot. Plus all the stress DSD's lies (see previous post LOL) have created doesn't help matters. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be without all this mess and just handle my own. It's not like I haven't been doing it anyway...

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Old 09-08-2011, 08:42 PM   #2
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

((HUGS)) I dont' really have an answer. I don't blame you for being irritated and honestly can't believe you have put up with that behavior for so long, but i come from a family where strong work ethic is high on the list.
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Old 09-09-2011, 01:05 PM   #3
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

have you ever heard of dave ramsey? he is a financial guy. he's written several books and has a radio show. you and your husband should attend his financial peace university classes! we just started going and we love it! for the 1st time in over 10 years, we are on the same page financially speaking! i live in a very small town and they even have classes here...maybe you can find one close to you??? i HIGHLY recommend checking it out! the 1st class is totally free...show up and see for yourself. then if you choose to continue, it costs about $100 for the kit. the program takes about 3 months to complete.

good luck!
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:10 PM   #4
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

I am a vocal DR hater, so I will suggest that paying $100 for this guy to tell you to keep your money in envelopes isn't going to motivate your DH to get a job.

I'd send the kids to grandmas and open up to him. Even get a counselor if you need someone to "get your back". I've heard that a large portion of marriages break up over money, so this is very serious. You feel like you are busting your hump while he does nothing? Maybe he feels he IS contributing something, but in reality it's not quite equal? Point is, talking right to him openly, bluntly and non-emotionally is the only way to resolve this. Good luck!
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:21 PM   #5
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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Point is, talking right to him openly, bluntly and non-emotionally is the only way to resolve this.
well there you have it. just nag him....i'm sure you've never done THAT before!
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:25 PM   #6
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

I dont think you should leave him, you got married that means for better or worse, can he watch the kids so you dont have to take them to work? Maybe he can help by passing out Avon books or taking orders. I hope things get better
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:40 PM   #7
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

I agree that you just need to have an open talk with him and tell him your concerns and how you feel. Maybe there's something going on like depression where he feels unmotivated.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:56 PM   #8
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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Originally Posted by pkaskaggs View Post
have you ever heard of dave ramsey? he is a financial guy. he's written several books and has a radio show. you and your husband should attend his financial peace university classes! we just started going and we love it! for the 1st time in over 10 years, we are on the same page financially speaking! i live in a very small town and they even have classes here...maybe you can find one close to you??? i HIGHLY recommend checking it out! the 1st class is totally free...show up and see for yourself. then if you choose to continue, it costs about $100 for the kit. the program takes about 3 months to complete.

good luck!
Since when is Dave Ramsey the answer to everything? The OP is venting about how her husband is a slacker and a lazybones while she has to work three jobs to support herself, kids, and one grown up who thinks he has no responsibilities. How the heck is Dave Ramsey going to fix him? Is he going to give him a reality check? Is he going to make him magically care about the well being of his kids?


Way I see it unless DR can help them figure out how to save to buy the DH some cojones and grow up, he has nothing to add to this conversation. And BTW, thanks for letting the world know that Kriket is a termagant. Didn't know you knew her personally like that.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:59 PM   #9
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pkaskaggs View Post
have you ever heard of dave ramsey? he is a financial guy. he's written several books and has a radio show. you and your husband should attend his financial peace university classes! we just started going and we love it! for the 1st time in over 10 years, we are on the same page financially speaking! i live in a very small town and they even have classes here...maybe you can find one close to you??? i HIGHLY recommend checking it out! the 1st class is totally free...show up and see for yourself. then if you choose to continue, it costs about $100 for the kit. the program takes about 3 months to complete.

good luck!
1) If they are barely making ends meet, I doubt they have $100 to spend on a class, not to mention they'd have to find someone to watch the kids during it.
2) If she is interested in Dave Ramsey, she can check out his books for free from the library.
3) Dave Ramsey is not going to make her DH all of a sudden decide to have a good work ethic.

Just my

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kriket View Post
I am a vocal DR hater, so I will suggest that paying $100 for this guy to tell you to keep your money in envelopes isn't going to motivate your DH to get a job.

I'd send the kids to grandmas and open up to him. Even get a counselor if you need someone to "get your back". I've heard that a large portion of marriages break up over money, so this is very serious. You feel like you are busting your hump while he does nothing? Maybe he feels he IS contributing something, but in reality it's not quite equal? Point is, talking right to him openly, bluntly and non-emotionally is the only way to resolve this. Good luck!
Although I do appreciate some of DR's ideas, I do 100% agree with the bolded.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pkaskaggs View Post
well there you have it. just nag him....i'm sure you've never done THAT before!
Talking to someone openly, bluntly, and unemotionally (as in not crying or yelling, etc) is NOT nagging, IMO. For any relationship to work, there has to be open lines of communication. Having an honest convo with your partner is not nagging at all. Nagging would be continuously whining about, "You need a job. When are you going to get a job? I do everything. (blah blah)". Open communication is more like, "We obviously need to make some changes with our finances. I'd like for us to be able to live comfortably and enjoy each other as a family without us being stressed about money all the time. I'm going to try to help our situation by making these changes___, ____, ____. Do you have any ideas that can maybe help out?" I would also probably give something for both of you to work towards, like saying "When we get these two bills paid off, you and I are going to go away for a night, just the two of us, to celebrate!" HTH.
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Old 09-09-2011, 05:00 PM   #10
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

OP, I suggest that you have a "come to jesus" meeting with your DH. I'd get the person he looks up to the most, the person whose opinion and respect your DH cares about and approach them about talking with your DH. Then send the kids to grandma's for a few hours and have a serious talk with your husband and that person present. Sometimes it takes having your dirty laundry exposed to the person you admire the most in order to get through to a person. And if he truly doesn't change, then you have deeper issues in your marriage and you should take a closer look as to whether you want that example for your children and if you shouldn't deserve better.
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Dear Baby in my Belly, Please come out. Seriously. It's like a 100 degrees here, IN CANADA. Your dad has taken to calling me puffy. I get that you're a dude and the last thing you want to do is leave a place you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to get back into, but enough. Your room is really cool, come out and see it. Sincerely, Love Mummy
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