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Old 09-09-2011, 05:03 PM   #11
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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OP, I suggest that you have a "come to jesus" meeting with your DH. I'd get the person he looks up to the most, the person whose opinion and respect your DH cares about and approach them about talking with your DH. Then send the kids to grandma's for a few hours and have a serious talk with your husband and that person present. Sometimes it takes having your dirty laundry exposed to the person you admire the most in order to get through to a person. And if he truly doesn't change, then you have deeper issues in your marriage and you should take a closer look as to whether you want that example for your children and if you shouldn't deserve better.
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:09 PM   #12
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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well there you have it. just nag him....i'm sure you've never done THAT before!
My grasp on English is tentative, and peppered with ghetto-speak, but if I had intended to say "nag" I'm confident I could have drug that word out for this special occasion. kthx.
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:31 PM   #13
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

my suggestion is to express your concerns and how this is taking a toll on you and how you feel about your relationship as clearly and as unemotional as possible. Try to come up with a solution together on how to change this problem. My advice is to fight for your marriage. My hope would be that he would want to fight for the marriage too.
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Old 09-10-2011, 05:25 AM   #14
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Thanks everyone. Seems like I have to do the talk about finances in short spurts because he gets so damn mad. THAT is irritating. I basically told him I don't want to be a 30 year old loser who can't provide for my kids or pay the mortgage or on food stamps (not that it's bad, but with 2 adults in the house, we shouldn't be! and we aren't but just sayin') I have actually taken the liberty to applying him everywhere and anywhere and when we went by Wendys yesterday to get DS some nuggets for his birthday lunch at school he asked if they were hiring I would rather him aim higher, but it's a start. maybe a glimmer of hope?
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:39 PM   #15
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

I agree with sourpatch babe you need to know the Lord first if you don't already. Having God in your marriage is very important. It is not going to wipe away all your problems but if you use the Word of God to live your married life, raise your children and help with your finances you will see changes in everything. There will always be problems but you both need to learn to be the husband and wife that God wants you to be. Men are not made to feel like men so much anymore with all the women's liberation and they need to, so that they can be proper husbands. When I was first married we did use the envelope thing (from my mom ,Dave Ramsey did not even exist then). Take all of your bills and divide them by four, everything including gas, groceries and keep out a few dollars for fun money. If you have a fifth check it can partially go in savings and maybe use some to put away for something you really want. I still use the envelopes for when I really want something or need something, like a new sewing machine. Talk to a pastor or if there is a church around that offers celebrate recovery (CR), go it is not just for people with addictions it is for all hurts, hangup and habits. Hugs to you and prayers.
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:59 PM   #16
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These are some of the most bizarre, tangental responses to a marital question I've seen in a while. And that is my super helpful contribution....
But seriously OP, that sounds maddening and I wish you the best of luck and am encouraged that you know you deserve better from your husband. Hopefully he knows it too and can come to a place of willingness.
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Old 09-11-2011, 07:09 AM   #17
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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These are some of the most bizarre, tangental responses to a marital question I've seen in a while. And that is my super helpful contribution....
But seriously OP, that sounds maddening and I wish you the best of luck and am encouraged that you know you deserve better from your husband. Hopefully he knows it too and can come to a place of willingness.
No kidding...weirdest reponse chain I've seen in a while.

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I agree with sourpatch babe you need to know the Lord first if you don't already. Having God in your marriage is very important. It is not going to wipe away all your problems but if you use the Word of God to live your married life, raise your children and help with your finances you will see changes in everything. There will always be problems but you both need to learn to be the husband and wife that God wants you to be. Men are not made to feel like men so much anymore with all the women's liberation and they need to, so that they can be proper husbands. When I was first married we did use the envelope thing (from my mom ,Dave Ramsey did not even exist then). Take all of your bills and divide them by four, everything including gas, groceries and keep out a few dollars for fun money. If you have a fifth check it can partially go in savings and maybe use some to put away for something you really want. I still use the envelopes for when I really want something or need something, like a new sewing machine. Talk to a pastor or if there is a church around that offers celebrate recovery (CR), go it is not just for people with addictions it is for all hurts, hangup and habits. Hugs to you and prayers.
While I'm pretty sure that SPB is Christian, I'm pretty sure that her saying the OP should have a "come to Jesus" meeting w/ her husband was not intended as a reference to that...FWIW, that phrase is generally a colloquialism and in no way parochial. FWIW #2...proselytizing that one has to know Jesus to have a decent marriage is, well, incorrect as I have a great marriage & neither one of us believes. Putting it the way you did closes doors, doesn't open them .
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Old 09-11-2011, 02:29 PM   #18
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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I agree with sourpatch babe you need to know the Lord first if you don't already. Having God in your marriage is very important.
99.99% positive SPC was talking about the proverbial Jesus. The same Jesus I'm talking to when I see a big spider in the tub.

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FWIW #2...proselytizing that one has to know Jesus to have a decent marriage is, well, incorrect as I have a great marriage & neither one of us believes. Putting it the way you did closes doors, doesn't open them .
Ringing my own marital bell a little. I like to think DH and I have a really great marriage. I am very lucky to be married to my best friend, who's biggest problem with me is I leave cabinet doors open. You won't find hide nor hare of Jesus here. DH and I build our lives around other things. Kids, living the simple life etc.
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Old 09-11-2011, 06:54 PM   #19
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Okay, well, hmm...not sure where some of those came from but here is my I was in a similar situation with many other serious problems mixed in there. My guess is you have tried talking I'm a big proponent of counseling both married and seperate, not neccessarily because I think it solves everything, but because for me, it was really important for me to be able to feel like I had done everything within my control to try to knock some sense into my ex. I can't even tell you how many "come to Jesus meetings" we had, and none of them worked. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But if you have any feelings of "what if we did such and such," do it, try it, so you know you did all you could on the off chance it doesn't work out.
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Old 09-12-2011, 08:51 AM   #20
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Thanks everyone...seriously. I appreciate everyone's response. And we are a Christian family, however DH basically refuses to go to church LOL. But I think it's more in laziness than anything else. I go when I have the strength to drag our four kids (two of which are 2 and under ) around by myself.

I feel pretty badly about calling DH a loser. He expressed to me this weekend he feels like he might be depressed. I'm not sure what to do about it. We have no insurance for him and even if we did sign up again, there would be a one year period before they would cover office visits or medication for depression since he has been treated for it before.

He has applied 2 places over the weekend, one being Wendy's so he is trying. I'm not going to harp on him because I know he feels badly about his behavior but I am going to make sure he keeps applying...even if I do it for him I love DH madly and I hate that he has been such a slacker lately. I myself hate busting my tail all the time. It makes me super irritable especially when it comes to bedtime with my youngest two and I would rather spend that time cuddling and loving on them than yelling at them about NOT going to sleep :/ Ugh...
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