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Old 06-08-2006, 09:31 PM   #11
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

Uh...I hear so many nightmarish stories. I should be greatful our issues are minor.

I live in Utah and child support is mandatory here as well. This was an "under the table" deal they made years ago to avoid court costs. Basically, it is just their verbal agreement. The only offical custody order they have is for joint custody with him paying support. They used to do one week with mom and then one week with dad. Then she moved out of state and applied for welfare. They tried to collect child support from dh for dss that was living with him full-time because she was trying to collect welfare to support dss.

So dh lawyer sent her a nasty letter and BM signed a statement saying dh had full custody of dss. DH turned that over to the welfare people and they stopped trying to collect.

I personally think it is crazy but it works for them.

Oh, this is sort of off topic but funny. When she lived out of state and dss went to visit her for a couple weeks she sent him home wearing a t-shirt that said "stick em in the front" on the front and "poke em in the rear" on the back. He was 4 years old. DH was pretty mad. I think it is funny now but at the time...

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Old 06-08-2006, 09:59 PM   #12
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing UPDATE

I completly agree with your first post & that you may need to pass down clothes to your younger ds for economic reasons... but I also think what you said here sounds good!!

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Originally Posted by rliszkowski
I think I may pack up dss "special items" that no longer fit to go to his mom's anyway. My dss has some pretty serious emotional issues. If it bothers him this much to see ds wearing an item BM purchased, I can respect that. I don't see the point in pressing the issue.

He is lucky to have you thinking oh him & his emotional well-being... even though he may not know it yet! while you figure this all out!!
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Old 06-09-2006, 09:20 PM   #13
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

I think you bought them, she's not supporting theres no reason for you to be trying to help her out on her request. You also need to look out for YOUR family first and if your younger child needs them then they go to them.

Now my 2 sons are from my previous marriage. He does pay child support, how ever it used to be not on time lol but I do pay for all his clothes and everything. BUT we are all so close that if I didn't NEED the clothes for another child or had to many I would offer them to him and his new wife because I from time to time will offer them things I'm getting rid of. It's very jerry springer how we are lol but it just all works out. We help each other out here and there when we can in little ways sometimes
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Old 06-10-2006, 05:12 PM   #14
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

I have to say I am in your court about this. I am a full time step mom to my husband's three other children. We have 8 kids in the house full time, his older three, my older two and our three together. The two younger step children have a history similar to your DSS, with the exception that their mother took herself out of the picture by a drug overdose over a year ago. DH has had custody of them since the 10 yo was a baby. As far as how we did things, it was simply her clothes for the children remained at her house and the clothing we had here, remained here. We didn't ask her for any clothing, and she didn't ask us. She rarely paid her CS, so anything she did happen to send home (which wasn't often) could barely considered her fair share of supporting the kids. I would definitely stick to your guns about the clothing. You are not responsible for clothing her other child. If it needs to be put into black and white with the BM (bio mom) then I would for sure ask the DH to do so. It's much easier that way, esp. when there are bad feelings between the two families. Best of luck to you. It's not always easy dealing with these situations, esp. if you're the f/t SM and the BM isn't all that interested.
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Old 06-10-2006, 05:23 PM   #15
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by rliszkowski
They tried to collect child support from dh for dss that was living with him full-time because she was trying to collect welfare to support dss.
My DH's first ex just tried that this past fall...sent her then SO (who regularly beat the snot out of her, the stupid fool) to my DSS's high school to have him sign a paper stating he was living with her and attending high school regularly when he actually lived with us so she could collect the welfare on him. HAH! We nipped that in the bud pretty quick, and boy were the ladies at the school pretty ticked that the ex was involving them in a welfare fraud. They immediately notified ex's welfare worker about it, naughty naughty!
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Old 06-10-2006, 08:36 PM   #16
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by rliszkowski
I think if she wants to keep clothing she buys for him, then she should keep it at her house. If she sends it home, I view it as a form of child support and it should stay here. I don't want to have to keep track of "her clothes".

I realize this is probably petty on my part.
She should keep those clothes there if she wants to keep them. You aren't being petty she is being unrealistic. It drives me crazy that fathers are the ones who always get a bad wrap for not paying child support but there are so many women willing to get rid of their kid as long as they don't have to pay. My brother is in the same situation and the mother wants to claim my nephew on her taxes!
wishing you the best!!!!
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Old 06-10-2006, 09:23 PM   #17
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Re: Blended family issue with hand me down clothing

how sad
how very sad poor dss he has to suffer like this
goodlcuk!!
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