When to tell about the birds and the bees?

[FernHollow]

I've been wanting to know this too. My 5 year old son has been asking lately about how babies are made and I wasn't sure exactly how/when to discuss it with him. My 7 1/2yo dd has never really asked, she was always happy with the answer that God makes babies and puts them in a mommy's belly. She understands about babies growing inside, about birth (I've had homebirths), but I guess we kind of skipped the part before that lol.

[cassieJJ]

Originally Posted by celestialdreamer I've been wanting to know this too. My 5 year old son has been asking lately about how babies are made and I wasn't sure exactly how/when to discuss it with him. My 7 1/2yo dd has never really asked, she was always happy with the answer that God makes babies and puts them in a mommy's belly. She understands about babies growing inside, about birth (I've had homebirths), but I guess we kind of skipped the part before that lol.

Yeah I would just answer the questions at the level he's at! If he's asking you a bunch of questions and doesn't get the answers, then perhaps he will ask his friends and then get some very... interesting answers.

[blackberry75]

When they ask, regardless of age, just answer exactly what is asked. Examples:

Where do babies come from? From mommies
Where do the mommies get the babies? From daddies
How do the daddies give the mommies babies? They use their penis (you can expound on that if your child is ready to hear/understand it, only you will know)

Honest is the best policy, books are ok for help as well. The hardest question my stepson ever asked was "what does that feel like" when the book explained that a man puts his penis into the woman's vagina. He had a super grossed out look on his face, he was about 7 I think, and I was totally unprepared for that kind of question. The only thing I could think of at the moment was "I don't know, I'll have to research it", which is my blanket answer for uncomfortable questions. When he asked again at a later date I was more prepared and told him it's different for every one.

Also, kids appricate if you're honest with them. I often told the stepsons that I was uncomfortable with a topic or I really didn't know the answer. Just being there to give them the truth (none of the stork or cabbage patch stuff) made them more comfortable coming to us with more serious topics.

Lately the 13yr old has had some pretty heavy concerns about homosexuallity. He doesn't feel he can talk to the maternal side of the family about it. The honesty he recieves from us made him feel comfortable enough about asking what he didn't feel he could elsewhere. It carries over to a lot of other issues; drugs, peer pressure, extramarital sex, etc.

Another bonus is they are often correcting misconceptions/misinformation they hear from friends. So while some of thier friends believe complete nonsense about sex in general, when/how a girl gets pregnant and STDs, they inform their friends of the truth and don't fall for it themselves. A huge relief to us. It's nice not having to tell them that yes you can in fact get a girl pregnant if you have sex in water or if it's her first time DTD because they already know the truth-from us and not school yard gossip.

[isabelsmummy]

My dd was 4 when I got pregnant and she had a LOT of questions. She just wouldn't let it go and she totally knew there was more to the story than what I was telling. So when she was around 5 I told her everything. She's 7 now. she's not ever asked anything else.

I've kind of mentioned menstruation because she's seen me changing pads etc.. so she has a vague idea that something happens along those lines.

[Greenbabybottoms]

My almost 5 year old had a lot of questions this last year since I was pregnant. She did want to know how the baby got in my belly and so we told her in pretty basic terms how things happened. Then when we realized that our basic terms were pretty confusing to her we gave her a bit more detail. I don't think she really grasped much of the conversation but she has stopped asking questions for now. I don't know when will be time for "the talk" but I do think it will be before she starts her period. We are pretty open in general and don't really try to shelter them too much from that stuff so questions like that tend to come up often as they see things while we are out or catch something on tv.

[pcjs]

Originally Posted by blackberry75 When they ask, regardless of age, just answer exactly what is asked. Examples: Where do babies come from? From mommies Where do the mommies get the babies? From daddies How do the daddies give the mommies babies? They use their penis (you can expound on that if your child is ready to hear/understand it, only you will know) Honest is the best policy, books are ok for help as well. The hardest question my stepson ever asked was "what does that feel like" when the book explained that a man puts his penis into the woman's vagina. He had a super grossed out look on his face, he was about 7 I think, and I was totally unprepared for that kind of question. The only thing I could think of at the moment was "I don't know, I'll have to research it", which is my blanket answer for uncomfortable questions. When he asked again at a later date I was more prepared and told him it's different for every one. Also, kids appricate if you're honest with them. I often told the stepsons that I was uncomfortable with a topic or I really didn't know the answer. Just being there to give them the truth (none of the stork or cabbage patch stuff) made them more comfortable coming to us with more serious topics. Lately the 13yr old has had some pretty heavy concerns about homosexuallity. He doesn't feel he can talk to the maternal side of the family about it. The honesty he recieves from us made him feel comfortable enough about asking what he didn't feel he could elsewhere. It carries over to a lot of other issues; drugs, peer pressure, extramarital sex, etc. Another bonus is they are often correcting misconceptions/misinformation they hear from friends. So while some of thier friends believe complete nonsense about sex in general, when/how a girl gets pregnant and STDs, they inform their friends of the truth and don't fall for it themselves. A huge relief to us. It's nice not having to tell them that yes you can in fact get a girl pregnant if you have sex in water or if it's her first time DTD because they already know the truth-from us and not school yard gossip.

While I technically agree with you... you all just have to make it so complicated. Our way is simple - he came from the internet!

[Mom2Connor]

I may be in the minority but I definitely would stick with the sex = babies and not mention that people have sex for fun. Even though you are telling the child that married adults have sex for fun, we all know kids want to do what adults do for fun and I wouldn't want that concept in their head at all. JMHO

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor I may be in the minority but I definitely would stick with the sex = babies and not mention that people have sex for fun. Even though you are telling the child that married adults have sex for fun, we all know kids want to do what adults do for fun and I wouldn't want that concept in their head at all. JMHO

I am not sure what your religious views are, but I am of the belief that God gave husbands and wives sex to promote bonding, enjoy our physical bodies, in addition to the creation of children. I would not choose to withhold this information from my children any more than I would tell them that people drink alcoholic beverages only to quench their thirst.

Unless you completely limit their screen viewing to nonsexual content and homeschool them in isolation, the world is going to TELL them that sex is fun. I'd rather be the one to explain it to them in the confines of marriage rather than them see the disconnect and assume that because I didn't tell them about the fun in marriage, I must have been holding out on even more and take it upon themselves to explore for themselves-before marriage.

Now, if you do believe that sex is ONLY for baby making, then the above doesn't apply. If you believe that sex shouldn't be limited to marriage, it doesn't apply either.

[DalesWidda]

Originally Posted by NSB Guess it's time for the talk I think I'll just sit with both of them and tell them together (they are 7 & 10) They just seem so little still. They watch Treehouse TV, play Barbies, stuffies, and "teacher" all day. I would say they are young for their ages, but that doesn't mean there's not talk at school! Great points. Thanks!

For what it's worth, i would talk to them seperately. I have two girls that are the same ages, and my 10 year old had questions that she would not have wanted to ask in front of her sister. Plus, there is a world of difference between 7 and 10.

[geez0pete]

I curtail my answers to questions based on my childrens' ages. For example, if my 5yo asked me where babies come from, I would answer simply and directly with no discussion of intercourse, vs. if my almost-10yo asked me I would answer with a real discussion of the physical and biological aspects of it all.