"Bribing" for affection - too sensitive, or just let it go?

[Hillargh]

Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes I don't believe in forcing kids to show physical affection. I know I would not like to be FORCED to hug/kiss someone. How can we possibly teach kids their bodies are their own if we also force close physical contact?

That. I was never a touchy feely kid. Nor am I as an adult unless it's a partner. I HATE hugs, always have. Physical contact with family is awkward for me, and I never cared for it. It would've been pretty distressing to have things held over my head for affection.

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[cbreeding]

My children are able to freely give affection, and I will say something to anyone that "insists" when my child has said no/refuses/or otherwise indicates that they don't wish to be affectionate.

I am a victim of sexual abuse, and not being allowed to say "no" to an adult when it came to affection contributed to my feelings that other adults would think what this one adult did was okay and that I would get in trouble.

[mommyria2]

I'm with you. My in-laws do this to my 4yo neice all the time. She's not an affectionate kid, never has been. I always ask her if I can have a hug, sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, if no, I don't make a big deal out of it. They pull the same crap when they want her to pose for pictures and it drives me crazy. They tell her she is being mean if she doesn't want to follow their constant demands - they are the ones barking orders. I'll definitely speak up when it's my kid.

[kindramay]

My DS does NOT like kisses/hugs. Our familys aren't so bad, but he has had some babysitters and some family friends that have been pretty insistant about him hugging or kissing. I just tell him (as they stand there) "You don't have to do it, its ok to say no". That way we're all on the same page and I don't have to wonder whats going on when I'm not there.

[mibarra]

I can see both sides, too. If I try to be affectionate to someone like that and they don't want to, I don't want to play with them. I could make the argument that your MIL is just trying to communicate her hurt feelings in a way a young child could understand. BUT I totally understand the bribery thing and it would drive me crazy too! Maybe she needs to give him more time to warm up before she tries to approach him that way. If it really bothers you I suggest talk about it! Otherwise you might get bitter....

[kindramay]

The thing is, if a non-physically affectionate child's refusal to hug hurts an adults feelings, then the adult has a problem. Its not a child's responsibility to give the grown-up emotional gratification.

[Angel89411]

I will jump in and say something. I do not believe in forced affection. It is his body and his affection to give. I don't always want to give a hugs or kiss either. I will tell people as much. DS almost always gives hugs and kisses to DH and me when we ask, but the few times he says no, we just say "Aww...maybe later." I would def put a stop to that non sense and my disapproval would be known. I think it is rude to try to force someone into affection and invade their space against their will.

[Heather8183]

I am VERY much one who does not like to hug people. I just don't. I'm not a toucher, even with my DH...friends/family joke about how its not possible we have 2 kids together one of them is a toucher and a lover and the other isn't. No way do I force either of them to hug/kiss, nor do I do it with my nephew. Even agent we visit family/friends out of town I just say "it's time to say goodbye" not tell them they have to give hugs or anything. I just can't even imagine someone forcing ME to hug people. :shudders:

[mibarra]

I certainly don't think he should be forced to give affection if he doesn't want to and I don't think your MIL is handling the situation well. Maybe you should talk to her. She may feel like he only doesn't want to hug/kiss her (whether or not it's true) and just doesn't know how to respond.

[phobiafied]

Originally Posted by Angel894 I will jump in and say something. I do not believe in forced affection. It is his body and his affection to give. I don't always want to give a hugs or kiss either. I will tell people as much. DS almost always gives hugs and kisses to DH and me when we ask, but the few times he says no, we just say "Aww...maybe later." I would def put a stop to that non sense and my disapproval would be known. I think it is rude to try to force someone into affection and invade their space against their will.

This exactly. I agree with you, OP, and I would probably explain my feelings as politely as possible to my MIL privately if she continued to do things like that.