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Old 04-18-2012, 08:48 PM   #111
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I haven't read all the posts but I wanted to share. I was adopted and formula fed. I have no allergies, never had ear infections, and can count on 1 hand the number of times I have been sick enough to lay in bed all day. My husband was breast fed and has had to take allergy shorts the majority of his life, horrible ear infections, awful sinus problems, gets every illness that comes within 20 feet. My son is also formula fed, 3 years old, and perfectly healthy. I had a hard time with not breast feeding at first and I'm desperately trying to breastfeed my dd but formula is perfectly fine and many people I have met are very healthy. To everyone who "has" to use formula or hell just chooses, I say more power to you! You care enough about your child to. Go against the stream and do what you need to. Your child will be perfect and will still love you!

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Old 04-18-2012, 09:19 PM   #112
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

ive never breastfeed aney of my kids & i dont feel bad about. i grew up around it & to b honest ik soooooo many kids that r on all sides of it (bf,ff, bf & ff) i dont see aney diff in aney of them helth wise. i really think bf is over rated now & days cuz of all the allnaturall stuff thats pushed on us. i really believe that kids thrive best when the parents do what best for there family. cuz there happy & feel @ peace. not stressed out trying to force somthing to work. if it works for u then i say go for it. ff w/ pride dont worrie about what socity says.( i honstely could care less & i tell them that too lol )
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:41 PM   #113
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I don't know if this article has come up already, but I really like it:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...-feeding/7311/

It's long but a great read!

I EBF because I like it and pumping at work is painless and about the only time I get a real break. But before reading this article I thought EBF was the only way to be a good mom. It's just not true. The science behind the pro-breastfeeding movement is actually pretty scant, and it's put an unfair amount of pressure on moms.

I also used to attend La Leche League meetings, but on several occasions there were women who were sobbing because their babies wouldn't nurse or they couldn't produce enough milk and they felt like failures. Other moms at the meetings comforted them, but no one ever suggested what seemed like the obvious solution: stop torturing yourself and your baby and break out the formula! I know the league is about breastfeeding support, but it seemed like those women left still feeling desperate and guilty about what their bodies/babies were doing. It seemed kind of cruel to not give real information about formula.
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Old 04-19-2012, 07:02 AM   #114
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Quote:
Originally Posted by infojunkie View Post
"The science behind the pro-breastfeeding movement is pretty scant?" What?? Just wondering how you came up with this statement or where you heard this..... I know this thread is about supporting formula feeding moms, but I think it is prudent to not misinform............

In Peggy O'Mara's award winning editorial "Case Closed: Breast is Best" she rebuts the Rosin article soundly:

http://www.mothering-digital.com/mot...506?pg=10#pg10

Peggy discusses the sheer number of studies and the results, if you link to the article you can read it.

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, I only link to this to show that the medical evidence for breastfeeding is rock solid. I don't want women who are breastfeeding and reading this forum, and perhaps wavering in their choice or feeling vulnerable, to feel unsupported and/or get wrong information.

<3
Why are you posting on this thread, then? It seems like you posted to intentionally make FF'ers feel badly, while snidely saying you weren't.
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Old 04-19-2012, 09:40 AM   #115
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Throwing in my 2 cents: I have bf'd my 3 kids and love it.

BUT- it is possible to give a baby MANY of the benefits of bf while formula feeding. Dr. Sears calls it "NURSING" whether you are giving baby bm or formula. You can still give baby skin to skin contact and cuddling, switching from side to side for different feedings to evenly excercise baby's eyes, etc. He also recommends that mom ALWAYS be the one giving the bottle and never propping the bottle. Then it really can be a more natural experience.

That type of ff is still very different, imo, than someone who hands baby off every chance possible to get something done, etc. My SIL basically didn't want another baby... I didn't care that she stopped bf after 3 days, but she never wants to hold the baby if someone else will, that sort of thing. That's what I think is sad, not the lack of breastmilk.

If we ever adopt and for some reason I can't pump enough bmilk, I will feed formula like I described above and I will feel great about it.
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Old 04-19-2012, 09:47 AM   #116
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by MuffinMania View Post
Why are you posting on this thread, then? It seems like you posted to intentionally make FF'ers feel badly, while snidely saying you weren't.
The science spporting bf is irrefutable. ALL MOMS NEED GOOD INFO to make informed decisions. It is fine to choose to ff, but doing it because it is just as good for your baby is simply misinformation.

I know some foods are healthier than others and still choose to eat less healthful food sometimes... but not kidding myself that the food is just as good for me. Does that make any sense?

Don't feel guilty if you choose to use formula, just be confident that your need for it outweighs the risks associated with it. And, yes, they are quite real. But it still is the right decision for some.

Some moms try to bf and it doesn't work out and they shouldn't feel guilty. Some moms have severe trauma in their pasts (sexual and physical abuse come to mind) that can make bf too much for them. They shouldn't feel guilty. They are doing their best.

But maybe a mom who decides to ff because she finds bf too inconvenient or time consuming.... maybe that mom would be more willing to bf if she knew that it is so much better for baby.

?KWIM?
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Old 04-19-2012, 10:01 AM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momomom

The science spporting bf is irrefutable. ALL MOMS NEED GOOD INFO to make informed decisions. It is fine to choose to ff, but doing it because it is just as good for your baby is simply misinformation.

I know some foods are healthier than others and still choose to eat less healthful food sometimes... but not kidding myself that the food is just as good for me. Does that make any sense?

Don't feel guilty if you choose to use formula, just be confident that your need for it outweighs the risks associated with it. And, yes, they are quite real. But it still is the right decision for some.

Some moms try to bf and it doesn't work out and they shouldn't feel guilty. Some moms have severe trauma in their pasts (sexual and physical abuse come to mind) that can make bf too much for them. They shouldn't feel guilty. They are doing their best.

But maybe a mom who decides to ff because she finds bf too inconvenient or time consuming.... maybe that mom would be more willing to bf if she knew that it is so much better for baby.

?KWIM?
As a mama who physically can't breastfeed, I don't have enough glandular tissue, it hurts everytime I hear how amazing breast milk is for the baby. WE GET IT! It's the best, risks with formula, bottles suck etc...

I wish people would stop already. I feel enough guilt when I can't do it, as I'm sure other moms do as well, we don't need to continue being told how much shame we should be feeling because BM is better by the constant reminders how much better it is.

CD are better than disposables but you can't treat it the same as FF and BF. Nursing is personal, what you put on your child's butt isn't. Too often it's lumped with the same sensitivity towards the subject.

Ugh .. I just wish people were more sensitive and would LISTEN more than educate. Maybe we could teach you more than you could teach us or rather more than you think we need to know.
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Old 04-19-2012, 11:30 AM   #118
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria View Post
As a mama who physically can't breastfeed, I don't have enough glandular tissue, it hurts everytime I hear how amazing breast milk is for the baby. WE GET IT! It's the best, risks with formula, bottles suck etc...

I wish people would stop already. I feel enough guilt when I can't do it, as I'm sure other moms do as well, we don't need to continue being told how much shame we should be feeling because BM is better by the constant reminders how much better it is.

CD are better than disposables but you can't treat it the same as FF and BF. Nursing is personal, what you put on your child's butt isn't. Too often it's lumped with the same sensitivity towards the subject.

Ugh .. I just wish people were more sensitive and would LISTEN more than educate. Maybe we could teach you more than you could teach us or rather more than you think we need to know.
Obviously, some people DON'T get it. My post was talking about the moms who say ff is just as good- SO MANY on this thread are trying to say that... I specifically pointed out moms who MUST ff because of physical and mental health issues. They should not feel guilty. But when a mom chooses to ff thinking it IS JUST as unimportant as whether to use a Graco or a Britax, that is concerning.

Once I offered to pump for a mama friend who didn't have any milk and she brushed me off like, oh, it doesn't matter, calories are calories. She is a PA. It was really shocking to me. I was willing to spend a significant amount of my time to provide milk to her baby for FREE, in addition to caring for my own baby and toddler, and she just thought nah, it doesn't matter. There are still, in the 21st century, plenty of people who DON'T get it.
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:31 PM   #119
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Quote:
Originally Posted by infojunkie View Post
"The science behind the pro-breastfeeding movement is pretty scant?" What?? Just wondering how you came up with this statement or where you heard this..... I know this thread is about supporting formula feeding moms, but I think it is prudent to not misinform............

In Peggy O'Mara's award winning editorial "Case Closed: Breast is Best" she rebuts the Rosin article soundly:

http://www.mothering-digital.com/mot...506?pg=10#pg10

Peggy discusses the sheer number of studies and the results, if you link to the article you can read it.

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, I only link to this to show that the medical evidence for breastfeeding is rock solid. I don't want women who are breastfeeding and reading this forum, and perhaps wavering in their choice or feeling vulnerable, to feel unsupported and/or get wrong information.

<3

ETA:
I really do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. I know all you mothers love your babies with all your hearts, want to make sure they are fed, comforted, and cherished. You are all doing your very best and have had many different journeys to where you're at today. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you all are wonderful mothers and the choice to feed formula can sometimes be hard (I know myself!) but we are all doing our best.
I'm not sure I agree her refutation is done "handily" though confidently, sure. 9,000 abstracts but only 46 primary studies? That means the over 8,000 of those abstracts were meta, post-hoc, review or otherwise secondary; the types of articles a 2nd year bio student probably wouldnt be allowed to use when writing a midterm paper. As for the reductions in risks for certain diseases/conditions, Rosin never said breastfeeding wasn't healthful, her point was that the change in risk wasn't dramatic. A statistically significant change in the risk of ear infections might be the difference between 3% of kids getting ear infections in a given year and 3.5% of kids. That can be a scientifically significant number, but in terms of actual children it's only 1 less ear infection per 200 kids. And I'm not certain all those studies were properly adjusted for maternal comorbid conditions and soceio-economic circumstances. Low income mothers are less likely to breast feed and their children are more likely to become overweight and develop health conditions... but that may be more economics than breastfeeding. If you do a pubmed search for breastfeeding and risks of diseases, you find a lot of studies that fail to control for many important factors, and come to relatively insubstantial numbers but usually end with pro-breastfeeding conclusions anyway.
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Old 04-19-2012, 01:34 PM   #120
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momomom

Obviously, some people DON'T get it. My post was talking about the moms who say ff is just as good- SO MANY on this thread are trying to say that... I specifically pointed out moms who MUST ff because of physical and mental health issues. They should not feel guilty. But when a mom chooses to ff thinking it IS JUST as unimportant as whether to use a Graco or a Britax, that is concerning.

Once I offered to pump for a mama friend who didn't have any milk and she brushed me off like, oh, it doesn't matter, calories are calories. She is a PA. It was really shocking to me. I was willing to spend a significant amount of my time to provide milk to her baby for FREE, in addition to caring for my own baby and toddler, and she just thought nah, it doesn't matter. There are still, in the 21st century, plenty of people who DON'T get it.
I understand and my post wasn't directed at you. It was just the general thoughts towards FF mamas on this forum and how people tend to talk to us.

Even though you (general you) can say a mama who can't shouldn't feel bad about giving formula, I think it's those mamas who feel the worst. If my bubble tells me it's almost as good, leave me in my bubble lol The title of this thread and the purpose of it was about guilt in not BF.

However hearing about your friend I see why you shared on this thread. :hug: I wish I had a friend like you who was willing to sacrifice so my baby could get the benefits of BM, even if it was in the early days only.
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