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Old 10-06-2011, 10:53 AM   #21
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Nope I don't really feel guilty. My first was FF from day one. I decided to at least try it with my second. I hated it. We made it about a week and then switched to formula. I was literally dreading each feeding and would constantly watch the clock like "oh god I will have to feed him again in an hour." Dont get me wrong I think BFing is wonderful, I just honestly didn't enjoy it and it was keeping me from bonding with my son.

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Old 10-06-2011, 03:06 PM   #22
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I did at first. I'm talking extreme guilt. I literally suffered PTSD after my labor/delivery/breastfeeding failure and struggled with it for WELL over a year. I finally talked to a therapist about it and it truly helped a lot. I have come to terms with it at this point and I am at peace with it. I did the best I could. My daughter is happy and she is the healthiest little girl I know (she is almost two and has never had so much as a fever or rash - seriously, never sick). At the end of the day, she was fed and loved beyond words. As long as you're not starving your child, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Really.
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:14 PM   #23
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I bf my first for 6 months and it was MISERABLE. I had ppd for at least 2 years and she screamed that whole time. To the point of vomitting. The pedi had her x-rayed because they thought she may have broken her collar bone or something during birth (emergency c). She was so skinny (even with some formula supplementation) they had her weighed every week and I swear were on the brink of calling CPS. Oh yeah, I couldn't produce worth a darn either.
Enter dd2 (10 years later), I bf for 4-5 weeks. This baby is sooo happy. She never cries, occasionally complains but it's more like yelling and you know she's communicating rather than wailing. She's super plump, talks and coos, interacts with people, and loves life. Sleeps through the night and has since 6 weeks. Unlike my first who I swear did not want to be on this earth for 2 years. Screaming the whole time.
No, I don't feel guilty at all for weaning at 5 weeks. I feel guilty for keeping my dd1 bf for 6 months. Seriously, between the fact that she was in a bili box for her first week and I couldn't produce and her screaming we never bonded like we should have. No amount of bf could change that. DD2, bonded with me like I couldn't believe, and yes she was another emergency c.
Don't feel guilty. Just because bf has become such a nazi-esque band wagon thing does not mean you HAVE to do it or suffer the consequences of a ruined child. It's a crock. Works for some but not everyone and don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you're a bad mom because of it. There are so many worse things people do to their children!
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:26 PM   #24
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Every now and then I have feelings of guilt. DS and I never had a great BFing relationship though. I had a c-section, and I don't know if that affected my supply, but I ended up taking fenugreek which helped trememendously. But, I would always get milk blisters, be engorged, clogged ducts....all the fun stuff. When I was home, I could deal with it most days because I wanted to BF so bad. When I came back to work it became harder, if I was overly engorged and clogged, pumping couldn't even help so I would be miserable (and lopsided) all day. I stopped the fenugreek hoping the engorgement would stop, and it did, but my supply also went way down. I could hardly pump anything while at work. I ended up switching to formula and kept nursing at night for a couple months. Eventually, my supply was pretty much done (I think). We were FFing full time. While I agree that it's almost easier to bond with a bottle (I would play on my phone while BFing), I still had a hard time. I was ok in the beginning, but every now and then I'll look back and wish I could have made it longer. But DS just turned one and is happy and healthy and that's all that matters. I'll try again when we have another, but I won't beat myself up over it if I can't go as long as I want to.
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:28 PM   #25
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I switched to FF at about 4 months with all 3 of my kids and I find myself feeling like I need to explain to random people in the park why I FF'd. Why can't I just say no, we use formula, and leave it at that? Honestly most people don't care. I'm not sure why I feel guilty about it, my kids are healthy and smart, and I did what I could. Maybe it wasn't as hard as others might have tried, but it was no walk in the park for me.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:10 PM   #26
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I have guilt, for sure. I also think (and I know I shouldn't!) what if I'm able to nurse future babies, but I couldn't nurse DS? I'll feel really badly that I wasn't able to do the same thing for him But then, what if I can't nurse future kids, that'll be sad to me as well. Basically, there's no winning in my mind!

But yes, I feel guilty, I feel like I always had to explain to people why I wasn't nursing so they didn't think I "didn't care" <-- not that I think that FF by choice don't care, I just didn't want to be judged for some reason. I had to constantly remind myself that there's nothing wrong with FF (even though I'd never judge anyone else for it. I'm much harder on myself about everything) and that it's no one's business why I wasn't BF'ing because they people who mattered (me, DH) already knew.

I wasn't able to produce milk for whatever reason. I tried everything, EVERYTHING for nearly 3 weeks and there just wasn't anything in sight. DS was experiencing majory nipple confusion (which I know existed for us because I saw it firsthand) and was so awesome at latching and such that all he wanted to do was "nurse" even though he wasn't getting anything. We'd try to bottle feed him and he wouldn't take to the nipple so while I was nursing round the clock, pumping when he wasn't on my breast, taking supplements, home remedies, etc. we also had to feed him from a syringe and because he wasn't getting enough food his weight just kept dropping and dropping. Eventually we had to commit to switching him over to bottles and formula because he wasn't getting enough food otherwise and nearly 3 weeks out with no milk it was obvious it wasn't coming. So we switched to FF'ing. Thank goodness DS never had any trouble taking formula and thrived on it. We were very lucky in that regard. No idea how future attempts will go.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:09 PM   #27
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DD1 was FF, DD2 is BF. I did what was best for each of my babies and I refuse to feel guilty. I found other ways to bond with DD1. She's healthy and happy and smart. FF was not the end of the world.
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:44 AM   #28
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I would say in the moment I decided to GIVE UP breastfeeding.. I felt bad. But in THIS moment, I don't feel guilty ONE bit.

I did what was best for all of us at the time and I don't regret it at all. Both of my kids are smart and healthy and that's all that matters.
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Old 10-13-2011, 06:46 AM   #29
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by agalanto View Post
I would say in the moment I decided to GIVE UP on breastfeeding (about 1 week in, both times).. I felt bad. But in THIS moment, I don't feel guilty ONE bit.

I did what was best for all of us at the time and I don't regret it at all. Both of my kids are smart and healthy and that's all that matters.
I will try again come child three but if it's not working for us.. then it's not working for us.
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Old 10-13-2011, 12:50 PM   #30
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I don't feel bad at all- not worth it. DD had a terrible latch, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, and she lost quite a bit of weight. The lactation consultant at the hospital couldn't help me, nor could the one in our local BFing support group. So, I was an EPer for about 5 months (though by the end we were supplementing with formula).

This time around, I'm going to meet with the lactation consultant ahead of time and might even hire one on my own. However, if it doesn't work out i'm not doing to feel guilty at all about FFing. You can only try your best, that's all. And EPing might have worked ok for our first LO, but with a toddler running around I am not even going to attempt it this time.
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