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Old 11-13-2011, 05:19 PM   #41
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by matersalad View Post
Nope, no guilt here. BFing is a choice and I chose not to, why should I feel guilty? I was FF and I graduated high school with an almost perfect GPA, I barely ever get sick. My husband is the same way.

I tried to BF in the hospital (mostly to get the nurses and LCs to just leave me alone, I didn't want a lecture) but I hated it. I felt miserable and I cried at every feeding.

On top of the fact that I didn't want to BF, my son was born severely tongue tied and it took 3 months to get it corrected, by that point I was obviously dried up. I'm happy with my decision and if I have any more LOs, I will use formula from the beginning.
this is what i'm worried about. i have a natural birth planned in a birth center. i don't want to bf. i bf'd dd2 and i hated it. i resented her at some (many) feedings, a feeling i don't remember having with dd1, who was ff'd, at all. all i remember with dd1 was snuggling on the bed with a warm bottle. i honestly feel like bfing this child would cause some serious irritation/ moodiness on my end. it sounds awful, but it's true. i know my midwife is going to be upset about my wanting to ff. i can just hear the lectures now. however, i feel like for where i'm at right now, ff is the right choice for EVERYONE in my family. we have a lot going on right now, and i've been a mess this pg. if i can find a way to make things a little easier on others by making them easier on myself, i'll take it. i think i may end up pumping for a week or so to get dd that good early milk, then switch to formula. and i'm sure i'll try bf at least a couple times to make sure my feelings haven't changed- but yeah, i'm def worried about what other people will think .

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Old 11-13-2011, 05:52 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by leeuhhh

this is what i'm worried about. i have a natural birth planned in a birth center. i don't want to bf. i bf'd dd2 and i hated it. i resented her at some (many) feedings, a feeling i don't remember having with dd1, who was ff'd, at all. all i remember with dd1 was snuggling on the bed with a warm bottle. i honestly feel like bfing this child would cause some serious irritation/ moodiness on my end. it sounds awful, but it's true. i know my midwife is going to be upset about my wanting to ff. i can just hear the lectures now. however, i feel like for where i'm at right now, ff is the right choice for EVERYONE in my family. we have a lot going on right now, and i've been a mess this pg. if i can find a way to make things a little easier on others by making them easier on myself, i'll take it. i think i may end up pumping for a week or so to get dd that good early milk, then switch to formula. and i'm sure i'll try bf at least a couple times to make sure my feelings haven't changed- but yeah, i'm def worried about what other people will think .
I am worried about this. I pumped with DD, had to because of NICU and she never latched. I am going to give bf a go with this one but I already decided if it's not working for either of us we will go straight to formula
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Old 11-13-2011, 06:17 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by leeuhhh

this is what i'm worried about. i have a natural birth planned in a birth center. i don't want to bf. i bf'd dd2 and i hated it. i resented her at some (many) feedings, a feeling i don't remember having with dd1, who was ff'd, at all. all i remember with dd1 was snuggling on the bed with a warm bottle. i honestly feel like bfing this child would cause some serious irritation/ moodiness on my end. it sounds awful, but it's true. i know my midwife is going to be upset about my wanting to ff. i can just hear the lectures now. however, i feel like for where i'm at right now, ff is the right choice for EVERYONE in my family. we have a lot going on right now, and i've been a mess this pg. if i can find a way to make things a little easier on others by making them easier on myself, i'll take it. i think i may end up pumping for a week or so to get dd that good early milk, then switch to formula. and i'm sure i'll try bf at least a couple times to make sure my feelings haven't changed- but yeah, i'm def worried about what other people will think .
Do what YOU feel is right for you and baby.
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:55 AM   #44
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Wink Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Originally Posted by leeuhhh View Post
this is what i'm worried about. i have a natural birth planned in a birth center. i don't want to bf. i bf'd dd2 and i hated it. i resented her at some (many) feedings, a feeling i don't remember having with dd1, who was ff'd, at all. all i remember with dd1 was snuggling on the bed with a warm bottle. i honestly feel like bfing this child would cause some serious irritation/ moodiness on my end. it sounds awful, but it's true. i know my midwife is going to be upset about my wanting to ff. i can just hear the lectures now. however, i feel like for where i'm at right now, ff is the right choice for EVERYONE in my family. we have a lot going on right now, and i've been a mess this pg. if i can find a way to make things a little easier on others by making them easier on myself, i'll take it. i think i may end up pumping for a week or so to get dd that good early milk, then switch to formula. and i'm sure i'll try bf at least a couple times to make sure my feelings haven't changed- but yeah, i'm def worried about what other people will think .

I feel as though I went through the same issue. I hated BF'ing with a passion. I'm using the word "hate" about breastfeeding. That's how much I didn't like it. The nurses and LC's at my hospital were awful. Not technically bad, but the pressure and judgement was the worst. It was so bad that after my stay I called the patient advocate at the hospital and complained. I am NOT one to call and complain about anything, but they ruined my entire hospital stay with my newborn. It should have been some of the happiest days of my life. I know that they "think" their hearts are in the right place, but they need to keep their ideals off mothers and only help when asked. They had NO respect for my decision.

All that being said, stand your ground. Have your DH stand up for you. If the pressure gets too intense, let them know that you want to talk to a patient representative. See how quickly their attitude changes, but also, expect to get the COLD shoulder after you decide to stand your ground. Be strong and know that there are a TON of moms out there that support you, including myself. If you ever want to talk, just send me a message
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:12 AM   #45
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It's late so I didn't read all the responses before me, plus it brings me back to when I was in the same boat and it just makes me upset. I wanted to but was unable with my first two. The first time nobody made a big deal about it at all and I felt like everything was fine. The second time I felt like the most horrible piece of crap parent ever. I felt like such a failure and that my daughter would have been better off with someone else for a mother. It took a long time for me to realize that this was a total load of crap. My daughter is healthy and smart and hasn't suffered at all. She almost never gets sick or any of the other horrible things the lactation counselors lead me to believe would happen. People said I was a failure because I stopped nursing. There was no milk so of course I stopped! The goal in parenting is not to produce milk. We feed kids to ensure that they survive. Well she did so mission accomplished.
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Old 11-16-2011, 04:12 PM   #46
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I breastfed my son for 5 months. I had no trouble with the actual nursing part, but my son has a disorder that makes him unable to digest certain proteins. He had bloody stools, vomited, and was miserable the whole 5 months. I tried a restrictive diet try to continue nursing and it helped, but not enough. I remember being in tears at the doctors office with them telling me to put him on formula. I had lost 70lbs trying to feed him. I struggled with the choice for months afterward. But i wish i had done it sooner. My son is soooo much happier and so am i. I think it will be really hard to BF any future children now that i know how much easier it is to do it this way. I didn't realize how stressed out i was while BFing until i wasn't anymore. I think the hormones brainwash you or something.
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Old 11-16-2011, 04:26 PM   #47
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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My son is soooo much happier and so am i. I think it will be really hard to BF any future children now that i know how much easier it is to do it this way. I didn't realize how stressed out i was while BFing until i wasn't anymore. I think the hormones brainwash you or something.
This exactly. My son was SO much happier when I was NOT breastfeeding. He wanted to use me as a pacifier, and I KNOW that he never got enough, because my supply just never came in. He would fall asleep nursing, then wake up 30 minutes later. I thought I was going insane, and he seemed so unhappy.

Then we did formula. He drank the whole bottle, and passed out in a happy, full-tummy sleep. I didn't feel that guilty with him, but I do this time around. DH keeps pushing that breastfeeding is best, and I should atleast TRY. But why? Why would I when I know how much happier we both were with formula? My supply will not come in (I've had two healthy pregnancies since for surro-babies). I just don't produce enough. And the stress was intense. It is painful for me, so it makes me resent nursing time.

I am just telling DH now that I will not nurse, but I will pump if I feel up for it. I hate the guilt, and feel it's unfair when other people make you feel that way.
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Old 11-16-2011, 04:39 PM   #48
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I used to feel guilt surrounding the circumstances of my eldest being formula fed after 6 weeks, and then I realized that having guilt over it doesn't change anything. You can't change the past, and there should be no guilt over doing the best that you can do for your children.
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Old 11-16-2011, 09:20 PM   #49
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I do/did!

I thought I would nurse my first, but a previous reduction, one flat and one inverted nipple, poor lactation consultant, and being super sick after a section just killed that. On top of that, I had no pump at all and the rental was $45 a month!! I had PPD over my emergency C and subsequent inability to nurse.

#2 came along and I was better prepared with a good pump and all ready to go for a whole year. I had NO lactation help at ALL in the hospital, aside from a nurse who brought me a pump kit when I asked. Then... I got kidney stones when he was 6 weeks old and was very sick and needed surgery. I pumped and dumped and then dried up.

This time is VERY different!! We did bottles in the hospital... I've been on supplements, I had a great NP who prescribed reglan for me, I'm pumping, I'm healthy... AND I have a friend who gave me a nipple shield. How on EARTH did it take my third baby and a FRIEND to get me a shield??? For the first time ever I nursed... three times... and he hates it because he's so used to bottles. SO... bottles it is! I'm angry though because nobody ever suggested a shield before and perhaps I could have at least comfort nursed my first two??

We do two formula bottles at night, and then I can keep up with the daytime feedings. DH can take the night feedings (and he likes using the microwave) and then I don't have to feed AND pump, I just get up and pump and go back to bed. In fact, my ODS likes to mix the bottles, and it makes all my guys feel like they're helping me (in fact, they are!). I like that my parents and IL's can bond with baby while bottle feeding too.

Do I have guilt? SURE. At some point I'll have to stop pumping and we'll do all formula. Do I wish I never had surgery (reduction and csection)? Absolutely. There's no doubt in my mind that's what screwed it up for me. However, after struggling and just not being able to keep up and being exhausted, formula is what ended up working for us. And as much as I'm a proponent of breast feeding (I consider what I'm doing breast feeding, even if it's not nursing), I simply can't make enough milk to feed my baby. AND.... a few months after my first was born I had the satisfaction of being able to leave my newbie at home with DH to go crafting with my MIL while my SIL had to bring hers along
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:19 PM   #50
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

My first ds was ff and delivered via c-section. I had an infection with the c-section so I didnt even get to hold my son until he was about 2-3 hours old...everyone else got to see him before I did. It felt like there was no one there to help me at the hospital too, the lc spent a whopping 5 minutes with me "teaching" me to bf. It felt like she had no time for me so I didnt ask any questions. I tried bfing but it hurt so bad that I would cringe and cry when he fed. Turns out that my son had a case of thrush and a bad latch. And then i got mastitis..at that point bfing wasnt worth it to me so I simply ff him. Now I just had ds2 and am ebf. i feel like I am getting way more support this time around plus I am standing up for myself more. The guilt I feel isnt because I ff my ds1, it's because we didnt have the experiences i am having with my ds2.
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