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Old 10-11-2011, 01:42 PM   #11
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Originally Posted by littlest_one View Post
Thanks both of you... for the perspective tweedledum and for the defense cacasey.
I feel like my motives aren't "right"... that I want him trained for ME and maybe that's part of the negativity too. But I also feel that he IS ready, and I'm just missing something to get through that final hurdle of him wanting to be clean all on his own... and that I'm letting him down. Unfortunately, my way of coping with those feelings is to get frustrated and I don't handle that well.

There is pressure of him being the only one in his playgroup that isn't in underwear. There is pressure from parents who trained us by 2 years old. There are my two good friends who had also trained their little ones by now. That's all on ME, not on him... and I need to let it go too.
You're right, mama. That may be why you're so angry. I find the best thing for me was just to approach it matter-of-factly. You need to teach the kids good toileting habits. Think of all the times you yourself use the toilet: when you wake up, before you go to sleep, before getting in the car to go somewhere, and after meals. Build those toileting times into your kiddos daily routines, after all, they're going to be doing that for the rest of their lives! They might as well start getting used to it now. Just make it a habit that EVERYone in the family sits on the toilet at those times (well, everyone that can at least sit up by themselves ). Don't even tell him he needs to pee or poop in it. Just say, really coolly and matter-of-factly, "After waking up, everyone sits on the potty." Make him sing a song, count to 60, whatever, then wash and dry hands anyway (doesn't matter if he doesn't go, "It's good to practice!") If all goes well, he'll figure out that if you're going to make him sit there anyway, he might as well pee and poop there and skip the diaper change so he doesn't have to interrupt play time also! HTH, and good luck!


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Old 10-11-2011, 02:40 PM   #12
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

Wow, I've learned a lot!

We didn't go naked this summer, but she wore thin training pants with no pants or shorts over. For a while, I was setting a timer, and when it went off, she was on the potty. After several months, she's initiating more and being more successful. But we've had no success with poop...
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Old 10-12-2011, 01:22 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Tweedledum

Toilet training is actually only the SECOND most common reason for child abuse. First being sleep problems. But how nice that you're speaking for everybody on this thread about what they've tried and what their philosophies on toilet training are! Because it sounded to me like there were a lot of posts perpetuating the myth of "toilet training readiness," ie, if the child is TRULY ready, he'll be able to bring himself to the toilet 100% of the time and have next to zero accidents. I'm glad to know that I was misinterpreting the posts and no one here was giving a mother permission to let her son crap and pee himself until SHE felt SHE was ready, or HE was ready, for that matter, and because really most boys don't toilet train until a late age anyway (on average, boys only potty train 2 months later than girls, and the biggest single predictor of what age a child will toilet train is the age the parents start toilet training).

Whew! Glad to hear I was wrong. OP, I support whatever decision you make for your kid and your own frustration levels at this point in time. But there's no such thing as "being ready" to toilet train, and if your child can really "do it all [ie, all the toileting] on his own," you've let him go in diapers for too long.
Potty learning abuse hits very close to home in my family. Reread the original post - there were a lot of words in there that called for calming - not scientific analysis of potty learning. She wanted support and perspective. I understand that there are lessons to be learned from your post but sometimes people need compassion not a lesson.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:41 AM   #14
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Re: PLEASE help... getting so angry!

I'm sorry that your family has experienced abuse related to potty learning cacasey...

I am glad that I posted here because the support, "hugs", and kind suggestions have helped me to get that perspective that I felt I was struggling to find. I'm mature enough to know my flaws... and to control them. I needed to ask for some perspective from other adults so that it didn't get to a point that I would express them toward my son. Kids are intuitive... I'm sure he could sense those emotions from me even though I internalized them... but "internal" is how I want them to stay rather than get to a point that I would lose that control and say something mean to him. I know how counter-productive that would be. I'm glad that I have DS as a place I can reach out and know that there are other moms here that will be understanding.
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