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Old 10-10-2011, 11:10 AM   #1
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Red face Words of encouragement needed!

I need some words of encouragement. I started on the fast track at work 8 years ago, but when I had my first child 4 years ago, I decreased my hours to 32 and things slowed down. I went from having a staff, to having everyone promoted beyond me. I still do great work, that is not the issue. I am not afraid of losing my job. I am just feeling frustrated and a pull from both direction. On the one hand, I feel incredibly lucky that I am doing work I love and have a good balance, on the other hand, I am frustrated that I have been overlooked for positions. The person who was just promoted to be my supervisor, used to be one of my staff. I originally applied for the promotion, but w/drew my application when I found out that the pay would not increase for me when you broke it down hour for hour. It would not have made sense for me to continue to go for a promotion that I knew I couldn't accept. But now I am even more frustrated! I am I being unreasonable? Sorry for the ramble, but I thought that perhaps some moms hear would understand how I am feeling! Thanks!

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Old 10-10-2011, 12:54 PM   #2
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

Couldn't read without hugs!

My hubby had that happen to him time & time again, turns out word had gotten back to his higher up that he wasn't interested in being the "quarterback", because everybody loves the "backup QB better". I guess it's a dude thing??
He didn't want to be disliked, so he would rather not be making decisions BUT after a while(6 yrs of being passed over & doing the same job day in & day out), he was no longer challenged either & felt like he was at a dead end. What is your goal if you don't want promoted(or in your case, money per hour more)? Why are you even there still then?

Boy, that didn't sound very encouraging, did it??? Not what I meant. Maybe goals need to be re-evaluated if they won't promote you for more money? Maybe the money wouldn't be better initially but what it would do for your self esteem & worth as a corporate ladder employee might be worth it?

I dunno. I just remember having this convo with my hubby & hearing his frustration similar to yours(it was his own fault initially though). Once he called his higher up & told them he was interested in promotion, they came down next day & offered him the job. He's been head man 3+ years now. Sometimes it's worth what they pay, and sometimes it isn't. But what it did for his self worth as an employee was worth it. He felt like he wasn't moving. Was stuck. Not challenged. And worst of all, not appreciated enough to promote.

I hope you find your answer. I don't think you are asking too much or being unreasonable. They just might not be able to accommodate you initially? Or their incredibly stupid & you don't need 'em anyways
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:10 PM   #3
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

Thanks! It's not that they are ignoring me, I know that they value the work I do. Like your husband, it has been my own decisions that have slowed my career down. I am just starting to see younger people who haven't been there as long as I have getting more opportunities. Much of this has to do with the fact that they are willing to give more hours to the job than I am. I work in nonprofit so the money isn't the whole factor for why I work, anyway. I do need to make ends meet, though. It's just so weird to now be the subordinate of a person I hired!!
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:56 PM   #4
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry the position didn't offer a better fit for your family financially, but it seems like you've reached where you can go with the hours in this company.
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Old 10-10-2011, 05:25 PM   #5
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

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I don't know what to say. I'm sorry the position didn't offer a better fit for your family financially, but it seems like you've reached where you can go with the hours in this company.
That sounds about the size of it, wilillie. I am willing to work more hours, the pay just has to offset day care. Right now the kids are in DC twice a week and in order for me to put them in full time, I have to make enough for it to be worth it. I thought this position would offer that, but it didn't. It seems that they created the position with my co-worker in mind. That's fine, I just feel frustrated that I am not being given opportunities. I think you are right, though.
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:46 AM   #6
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

its all about hard choices as a mom. I think I can safely say that we all have frustrations of some sort once you mix finances/jobs and kids. There are a lot of sacrifices in there so the best thing you can do is choose your priorities and work in that direction. You are going to drive yourself crazy reviewing scenarios that are not practical for your current life circumstances. why not talk to the boss and let them know that would love to have a promotion but that you would need the pay that goes along with one. perhaps they don't even know what it is you are looking for since you are not applying and such
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Old 10-11-2011, 02:45 PM   #7
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

I know how frustrating it can be, but when this type of thing comes up for me I always ask "would I trade in my life for those who were promoted"? Typically my answer is "no way". Those promoted have made way, way bigger sacrifices at home than I'm willing to make. I'd much rather know my kids friends and participate in a school activity here or there than get a promotion. Many of the folks promoted around me have had failed marriages because they (sometimes inadvertantly) put their career before their spouse.

Try to focus on what you have gained by making the choices you have, not what you've lost (I KNOW this is much harder than I'm making it sound ).
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Old 10-13-2011, 08:33 AM   #8
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

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Originally Posted by doodah View Post
its all about hard choices as a mom. I think I can safely say that we all have frustrations of some sort once you mix finances/jobs and kids. There are a lot of sacrifices in there so the best thing you can do is choose your priorities and work in that direction. You are going to drive yourself crazy reviewing scenarios that are not practical for your current life circumstances.
I agree with this. Unfortunately we all have to make hard choices when we have children, and sometimes that means passing up promotions, taking a job that pays better but is less rewarding, etc. I gave up a lot when I quit my full-time job- I was on track for a supervisor or manager position in the near future, if not in my organization then in another. But, I chose to drop my hours because my kids will only be young once and I want time with them now. I can always pursue career goals once they are older.
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Old 10-17-2011, 04:28 PM   #9
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

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Originally Posted by Lisa921 View Post
I agree with this. Unfortunately we all have to make hard choices when we have children, and sometimes that means passing up promotions, taking a job that pays better but is less rewarding, etc. I gave up a lot when I quit my full-time job- I was on track for a supervisor or manager position in the near future, if not in my organization then in another. But, I chose to drop my hours because my kids will only be young once and I want time with them now. I can always pursue career goals once they are older.
Ditto. When it's all said and done, will you wish you spent more time at work, or more time with your kids? That's the question I ask myself when I have these inner battles. I like my career, I've worked hard to get where I am, but one day I'll retire and be forgotten in that world. With any luck, my kids won't forget all the time we spent together and fun we had
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Old 10-17-2011, 04:55 PM   #10
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Re: Words of encouragement needed!

I too chose to go part-time and pass up a career path in order to spend more time with my kids. And yet I still feel like I don't spend enough time with them, that they would like more time with me. But it drives me nuts to stay home full time and I think I’m a better mom when I work out of the home. And I also think about what I want my headstone to say when I die… “she was a great mom” or something related to work? For me the answer is always “mom” and that reminds me that this is the path I am consciously choosing and this is what I hold to be most important.

Having said all that--it would definitely annoy me to report to someone that I used to supervise. It might annoy me enough to make me look for a different job or line of work. I left job security behind and am an independent contractor now, and much happier for it.
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