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Old 10-21-2011, 06:56 AM   #1
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So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Ok, so we decided that our last baby, 3 months old now, was our last. We have 3 girls now. We talked about the vasectomy. I had bad reactions to spermicide/diaphragm and the hormonal bc is not my favorite. It makes me crazy. He was supposed to make the appointment but just won't call. SoI finally got the depo shot to save some time. At least 3 months. I asked him what his plan is and he said he is not getting the V because it is so permanent. That he can't forsee how he will feel in the future. He said "what if I wanna try for a son?...we can just use condoms until then."

...so now what do I do? I hate what hormones do to me and he knows it. and honestly he doesn't have the best track record of being diligent with the condoms. I am 30 and yeah we have more time...but we can barely afford the kids we got! He doesn't think in terms of money or how many bedrooms we have...or the fact that I do all the being pregnant and delivering and breastfeeding. I sacrifice my body/diet for these kids while he just waits for them to turn into a toddler so he can finally enjoy them...I love the kids we have but I don't think we can have one more. I don't want to. I just had a baby so right now I feel done. Maybe I should go on bc cuz I don't trust him to be super consistent with the condoms....but I secretly think that is his master plan.

Ok this was basically a rant....but anyone been in my shoes? What would you do?

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Old 10-21-2011, 07:45 AM   #2
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Had a friend in the same situation, and she told her hubby, no v, no dtd!
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Old 10-21-2011, 07:59 AM   #3
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Obviously this is a very personal decision, but just to throw out another option--have you considered an IUD? It's a great-semi-permament option. I have a Paragard (copper T) which is free from hormones and it lasts for 10 years. I had one before we tried to get pregnant this time and just had it replaced postpartum; I've been really happy with it. I also know people who have the Mirena and love it--that lasts 5 years, but does have progesterone in it.
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Old 10-21-2011, 08:48 AM   #4
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

The copper IUD? It's long term, no hormones, and cost effective if you do decide on TTA for a long time/ever. And then you're not dependent on him being consistent.
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Old 10-21-2011, 09:06 AM   #5
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

I have looked into it. The thing about that that throws me is that it creates a hostile environment for the possibility of a fertilized egg, preventing it from implantation. In my book, that is not something I support. I'm on progesterone which prevents ovulation. That is different. So, based on my beliefs I have limited options.
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Old 10-21-2011, 09:45 AM   #6
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Well, 2 people are involved in sex, so if no condom is used it's not just his fault.

I would be fine with him not getting the V. You don't have a right to force him to get that kind of surgery if he doesnt want it BUT:

I would also say: no condoms, no DTD and actually hold to it.


If you want something super permanent you can get your tubes tied.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:29 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by DaynaR
Well, 2 people are involved in sex, so if no condom is used it's not just his fault.

I would be fine with him not getting the V. You don't have a right to force him to get that kind of surgery if he doesnt want it BUT:

I would also say: no condoms, no DTD and actually hold to it.

If you want something super permanent you can get your tubes tied.
Oh well its a good thing I have you to tell me things I don't know! Geez, I just would like some moral support sometimes on DS. I don't want ppl telling me obvious things. I asked what would you do? I obviously know I can't force him and I would never do that. I also know that having s e x means getting pregnant. I am an adult! How about a "sorry you are in a tough situation".
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:37 AM   #8
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Sorry you are in a tough situation, but have you considered tube tying? Essure? Adiana?
But how would he feel if you did something permanent? It sounds like he does want another? Maybe tell him you guys can adopt down the road when things are more financially comfortable?
And you can just stick w/ condoms- they ARE pretty effective when used properly- just make sure he wears one! lol Obvious statements I know lol.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:49 AM   #9
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Re: So, what if I am TTA but hubby has other plans?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightowl Jan View Post
Oh well its a good thing I have you to tell me things I don't know! Geez, I just would like some moral support sometimes on DS. I don't want ppl telling me obvious things. I asked what would you do? I obviously know I can't force him and I would never do that. I also know that having s e x means getting pregnant. I am an adult! How about a "sorry you are in a tough situation".
Sorry I didn't say what you wanted to hear...

If I was in your situation my post IS what I would do. I wouldn't pressure my hubs into doing something so serious that he doesn't want to do. I feel the same about IUD's and hormonal BC, actually, so I know how stuck you feel. My options would be condoms or tubes tied.

So since you don't trust your DH with it, you need to take care of it yourself. Sex does mean getting pregnant. BUT it's not just DH's fault and you can't saddle him with blame if you guys agree to use condoms and they get missed sometimes and you get pregnant. THAT is on both partners.
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Old 10-21-2011, 11:00 AM   #10
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Sorry I didn't say what you wanted to hear...

If I was in your situation my post IS what I would do. I wouldn't pressure my hubs into doing something so serious that he doesn't want to do. I feel the same about IUD's and hormonal BC, actually, so I know how stuck you feel. My options would be condoms or tubes tied.

So since you don't trust your DH with it, you need to take care of it yourself. Sex does mean getting pregnant. BUT it's not just DH's fault and you can't saddle him with blame if you guys agree to use condoms and they get missed sometimes and you get pregnant. THAT is on both partners.
Yeeeeeah I would never blame him for me getting pregnant if we didn't use a condom. I didn't say that I would. I am mainly just frustrated that he knows I can't use alot of options and that I dint want more kids but he isn't willing to do more. It is more up to me and I am just frustrated. That's all.
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