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Old 10-25-2011, 02:06 PM   #1
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UPDATED-Need some detachment advice for my almost 2 year old

UPDATE- So I decided to work on the weaning first. It has now been 48 hours with no nursing and hardly any crying. At night she is really good she just lies between us and I just tell her to lay down and close her eyes. Last night really sealed the deal, I told her how big she was trick or treating and eating candy and she can't have any more boo boo. I kept saying it every time she woke up and she would just roll over and go back to sleep. She asked in the morning again today but I just reminded her how big she is and that she gets to do big kid stuff now. This is SO MUCH EASIER than I expected. Hopefully it keeps up that way. We will work on the co-sleeping maybe next month on her birthday. She has slept in the toddler bed for a few naps though.



The title is a little tongue in cheek but I need some help with my almost 2 year old DD. I have been very responsive since day 1 with her and while I do love the results of AP (she is so friendly, social, independent, etc) I just can't keep co-sleeping and breastfeeding her. I originally planned to go the child led way and wait until she was closer to 3 to have my second but I am due in march and just don't know how I can take care of a newborn with such a demanding toddler. My two issues are co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

Co-sleeping-
She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and while I wasn't opposed to co-sleeping we really did it out of need. I always tried to lay her in the crib for naps or night but she would awake hysterical after 15-40 min. She has JUST started the past few months taking naps up to 2 hours without me laying with her, I do know she is moving towards sleep independence but I need it to happen before the new baby. Night is a totally different story, she never just wakes up, she is always crying in hysterics and I am right there. She also needs to nurse if she wakes up and gets angry and more hysterical if I try to pat her back or snuggle her.

I know I need DH's help at night but he gets up at 4am and works so hard that I can't disturb his sleep. Need other advice besides make him help

Breast feeding- she is a booby baby and always has been. I do have her pretty much day weaned but she will still ask for it and I just distract her but there is no way I can get her down to sleep without nursing. I have to wait till she passes out in the car or watching a show for naps. At night she is all over me crying until she gets to nurse and sleep. Sometimes she will sleep until 5am ish but not often and still needs to be nursed back to sleep.

What do i do? I really would like her in a toddler bed and weaned by her 2nd birthday on 12/8 how do i get there while she is still so dependent and this is a month away. Help me!

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Old 10-25-2011, 02:26 PM   #2
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Re: Need some detachment advice for my almost 2 year old

Maybe start with nightweaning and see how it goes once that is accomplished. You may find that she sleeps better and even a bit more independently, even in the same bed, once she night weans. I have personally used this method of nightweaning successfully.

I won't tell you there isn't any crying involved, because there is, but at her age, she is fully capable of understanding "not now." She will be mad and upset that she isn't getting her way, but she is at that age where she is learning that it isn't all about her all the time either.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:48 PM   #3
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Re: Need some detachment advice for my almost 2 year old

A friend of mine was in a similar situation - really high maintenance toddler and a baby on the way. She wanted to wean him before the baby came, because she felt she could not handle both. He has a super willful child and fought her tooth and nail, but she just insisted and was firm (but still gentle and respectful), and she did manage to wean him before the baby came.

All I can say is that it's not going to be easy. Is there any way your husband can put her down for sleep, so that she learns another way of falling asleep? Have you tried a paci?

I think at this age she is old enough to listen and understand if you explain to her that you can no longer nurse her to sleep. Explain this in the daytime while she is in a good mood and fully awake, and maybe use puppet shows or books to help her understand the transition. A friend of mine put bandaids on her nipples and told her daughter that she had an ouch and she could not nurse. It worked.
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:54 PM   #4
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Re: Need some detachment advice for my almost 2 year old

will she take breast milk from a bottle in her own crib or in your hubby's arms?
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Old 10-25-2011, 03:19 PM   #5
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Thanks for the replies so far.

I have read up on the jay gordan approach but I really want her in her own bed because we will probably co-sleep with the newb too but hopefully she has a better sleep temperament and can sleep in a crib too. Should I night wean first? Then complete wean and then move to toddler bed?

As for pacis, bottles, etc, she has never had a bottle and I just thought 2 is too late to get started on that, she hardly likes sippy cups and only likes regular cups really. I tried pacifiers on and off when she was younger and really pushed it as a baby but she never liked it.
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:31 PM   #6
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I was in your shoes last year before i conceived baby number 2.

Co-sleeping: hubby puts her to bed and deals with night... Yes, my hubby has to get up super early as well but you will no survive a day when that baby comes if you have to be up to tend to both at night. Something has to give.

Breastfeeding: I explained that they were broken. I put bandaids on them and one of my hubby's tight undershirts that can be pulled Down or hard to get up to nurse. The first night she screamed and clawed at me and then the next slept throughout the night. And has ever since! I kick myself that i didn't so it early; would have saved some of my sanity!

We weaned before we took her out of our bed. That took months to stop! And was miserable. You can alway bring her crib mattress into your room and have her sleep on the floor.

When our son arrived I explained that they work again but only for babies...she didn't want to try because she's a big kid...but we are co-sleeping again and that is a struggle again. His crib is in our room so if she has a rough night in her big girl bed, in she goes!

Sending you hugs! Good luck!
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Old 10-25-2011, 08:35 PM   #7
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Your DD may surprise you with the weaning. DS was a serious boobie monster. It was the only way I could EVER get him to sleep.
I decided to night wean him shortly after he turned 2. Like you, I wasn't comfortable asking DH to help since he has to get up so early for work.
I started out by nursing him down as usual, then covering up and not allowing him to nurse if he woke in the night. It took exactly 1 night to get him sleeping through.
A month or 2 later I decided to try putting him down without nursing. Again, one night and he was fine after only minimal grumping.
I actually *really* enjoy sleeping with DS now that I'm not an all-night milk machine.

He's still in our bed but we haven't attempted to move him yet. I'm hoping he surprises me again. The plan is to move a toddler bed into our room by Christmas. We also have #2 due in March. Just in case the transition doesn't go as smoothly as we hope we plan to get a cosleeper for the new baby so he's safe from DS if he still insists on sleeping with us.

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Old 10-25-2011, 09:05 PM   #8
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This thread makes me happy and gives me hope! I'm in a similar boat as OP. Well not the pregnant part. I might have to try the bandaid trick.

I'm on my phone and the touchscreen hates me so my posts are short, to the point and probably misspelled.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:13 PM   #9
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Re: Need some detachment advice for my almost 2 year old

Sounds a lot like how my dd used to be. The only way we were able to get her into her crib and to night wean was for my dh to put her to sleep and to tend to her when she woke up at night. I did nurse her before bed (but not to sleep) and then dh would do the bedtime routine and put her to bed. It definitely wasn't easy but she was much more responsive to him tending to her at night than she would have been if it were me. I would say that it only took a couple weeks for her to be sleeping through the night with no waking up and in her own crib. We don't do CIO and the process really was better than we thought it would be.
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Old 10-26-2011, 07:16 AM   #10
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Thanks, there's a lot of good info and hope for me here. Last night I wouldn't let her nurse to sleep and she asked a bit but no crying and eventually she went down. I did nurse her in the night though, a lot of it is my fault because I am so exhausted I don't feel like fighting her at 4am. (bad I know). I think I will try the band aid thing tonight and just go with it. I do like the co-sleeper idea for the new baby because I do love snuggling with dd and waking up to her in the morning. I just worry the co-sleeper would be a waste because even as a newborn dd had to be touching me to sleep good, I couldn't even put 6 inches between us.
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