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Old 11-01-2011, 03:35 PM   #1
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a vent about hubby...i'm loosing my mind

i guess a little back story to make it all make since

I have two step kiddoes that i love and adore and have had for the passed five years. i have been "mom" 24/7. Their mother is a druggie that says she only smokes pot but fails drug tests for meth and well we all know how that goes with drug addicts. Anyways, she had just had a baby when me and my husband got together, and he always told me that she wasn't his, and that he was working out of town when she got prego, but i always knew there was a possibility the baby was his, because guys and thier dates never match up..lol But She has had CPS involved for the last4 years or so and has had the kids taken away many times and a few of the times i took both her girls, she ended up having another little girl about a year after the baby that might of been my husbands. I kept telling him to get a DNA test from the very begining but he kept telling me she isn't mine i was working out of town when she got prego..blah blah crap and well she was about 3 when i took both girls, and i belive we just got out income taxes in and i told my husband we are getitnga DNA test and that is when he finally admitted that he thought she was his, and i was a freakin basket case. cause alll these years he said there was no way, but i wanted to know for sure but it still hurt, cause i grew up in a drug house and was molested and raped, and i KNOW what goes on when you are raised in a drug house...any ways i was just soo mad at him cause i have been telling him for years to get it done and now when i said it was gonna happen he admitted it. We could of had her from the very begining like the other kids.

Well then CPS told me they could go back to thier mothers house * before we got the results * for the weekend witch made NO since to me and i called CPS twice to make sure it was fine for them to go for the weekend...if she could have them for the weekend then why did they take the kids fromher??? it ust made no since nad i told CPS that i was not going to be part of the back and forth crap and them not being in a stable home, and that they needed to find someone else to take them, that it wasn't only effecting the two girls it was affecting my four kids too. And the lady i talked to said fine...come monday night i get a call from the head CPS lady and she started yelling at me that she is disappointed in me and all this other BS and i told her to shut up and i wasn't very nice at all..lol but told her she was not gonna call me and disrespect me over the phone when i have done everything they had asked and called twice to make sure it was ok, then it was the " who told you that" and the lady that had told me they could go was in the room with her and she put it on speaker phone then she couldn't deny it..and the kids ended up going to the moms dads house for 3 months while she was in rehab, that come to find out she never went to...but she got the kids back..

other things has happened between then and now...but the month befor i foudn out i was prego, we got a call from CPS wanting us to take both girls again...and now i am 8 hours from where they are since we moved...and wanted us to take both girls, we told them know we couldnt' take both girls that we would take kimberly since she was my husbands. And they didn't like that idea...and a month i found out i was prego they said that they were going to the possible gramma of the OTHER girl, and we said that was fine, and we asked for her number to stay incontact with her. Well then we were told that we were going to get kimberly, and well then we didn't hear from anyone for over a month, and FINALLY got a local CPS lady to come over and she got the ball rolling from her end...she got done and the CPS up there was still taking forever, then we got a call that we could come get her, so we used half our car payment for gas to go get her, get 3 hours there they call us and tell us never mind and had to turn around..about a month later we finally get the FOR SURE go ahead to come get her and we used out carpayment money again, to go get her, and finally got her...

Well since all this started, well i lie, the day i told my husband i was pregnant he was so excited and he called everyone and told them. even started talking about names about an hour after i told him and i was still in shock cause he wanted to wait another year, and then all the stuff with kimberly happened and i figured i would never have another baby cause when he found out she was his he told me no more kids, and then i went into depressed mood and then told him i wasn't done having kids it could be with him or with out him that just because this child is his doesn't mean that i'm done having "our" family...lol but then we agreed on waiting...and well a big ole + and we were having a baby..lol I was still in shock when he started talking about names...but as soon as we got kimberly he hasn't had a care in the world about this baby not at all. When i was prego with my now 3 yr old he rubbed my belly talked to him went to the sonos with me and everything. nope not this time. He has missed every apt witch the normal ob apts not a big deal those are quit boring anyways..lol he missed the first sono, the baby is kicking like crazy now and i have to put his hand on my belly to feel them when they are really strong and even then he acts like he dont care.

Tomorrow is the big day to find out if it is a boy or a girl, and he wont take 3 hours off in the am and go in late, money wize we are fine, and it isn't gonna hurt us at all if he takes 3 hours off, cause he has been working like crazy the last 6 weeks or so. so we have caught up on everything. so that excuse isn't working for me at all and he can kiss my butt...lol But he isn't going and i'm so upset that he just dont care. i'm sure with the stress of having to provide for two extra kids is stressfull, but i can't even get excited about this baby. by this time with my last one i had everything set up and nesting already and by 4 mths along, i was buying diapers and wipes * before i found CDing * and everyone was mad that i had everything already when it came to baby shower time.

I am still rubbing my belly nad talking to the baby and listening to the herat beat everyday and have our baby/momma moments but i just dont feel excited as i should be, or like i have been in the passed.

yeah the 5th kids out of where * well not really out of no where but not know when we were going to acually get her, and having to come up with bunk beds clothes shoes...ect for her cause she came with nothing* it has been stressfull on me, but we have had her 5 weeks or so now * already lost count..lol * and she is blending in really well, the first week was rough but i expected that, she is still trying to see how far she can push my buttons and well hopefully she will learn shortly that i dont play that game..lol and we have rules in the house..and everyone goes by them but for the most part she is a crazy talkitive 5yr old little girl and drives me crazy like the rest of the kids..lol she just fits right in..lol really not that big of a change...well it is but not as big as i thought it was going to be...lol and i think me being pregnant has helped that ALOT, since now he can't take away my baby i'm already prego with..lol he cant say we arnt having any more cause HAHAHA we got a little hapy baby bean kicking away already..lol nothing he can do now..lol

DTD has cut down to once a week twice if i'm lucky...and my mom * yes me and my mom talk abotu EVERYTHING..lol* always was jelouse of our awesome sex life..lol ad i no he has been working long hours and is tired and that is fine, but when he wants to do it he is all for it but when i'm in the mood it is i'm to tired or maybe tomorrow, or i will wake you up in the AM before i go to work..so not what it use to be

we are trying to get legal custody of her, and my other two step kids since we dont have them on legal paper work but have to coem up with 2500 to get the ball rolling on that...

so maybe i'm stressed out more than i think and i just dont relize it or depressed or something. on top of a pregnancy that is kicking my butt..lol loosing 25lbs and then last friday going to the ER over kidney stones cause i didn't have a clue what was going on..all i knew is that i wasn't in labor and the baby was fine but HOLLY batman was i hurting..lol my asthma has came back and havn't had any issuie with it in abotu 15 years when i was a kid...and a couple other things...so maybe i'm just hormonal and loosing it..lol


i had to vent somewhere and i cant do it on facebook...and i'm sure my mom and sister are tired of hearing about it..lol and i felt "safe" to post it here and to get honest replies and tell me i'm nutz and need to calm down or what ever!!!



well if you made it this far...what are your kids doing are they ready for dinner yet...lol

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Old 11-01-2011, 05:33 PM   #2
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Re: a vent about hubby...i'm loosing my mind

I don't know if I can wrap my mind around all that, prego brain you know. I hope things work out for you though! I find out tomorrow what we're having - if baby cooperates, they'd better!! - but my dh is taking off to go with me...Maybe yours will change his mind and go?

Dd has already had dinner and she's watching how to train your dragon. I feel like crud, think I have a cold coming or something.
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Old 11-01-2011, 07:25 PM   #3
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Re: a vent about hubby...i'm loosing my mind

LOL i havn't even reread it so i'm sure it is a jumbo mess, i wrote it after my husband told me he wasn't going for the sono tomorrow, to find out the gender of the baby so i'm sure it is all jumbo mumbo...lol

He got home and started talking about what he is going to do tomorrow at work and i just started balling and told him i didn't want to talk about it or hear about his day tomorrow, and that i have an exciting day tomorrow with our with out him.


We had spaghetti for supper and you would of thought the five hungry gremlins never had it before, my five and three year old had their plates done before i got the other three plates done...lol and by the time i got there plates i was fixing the older kids seconds...lol i didn't think i was ever gonna get to eat..lol or that there would be any left for DH when he got home.....even though honestly could careless if there was enough for him..lol i know that is horrible ...lol but that is how i felt at the moment..lol

but we are now full and watching house and the kiddoes just got out of the bath, and all smell clean and i have two more loads of laundry to wash to add to my probably 5 or 6 loads...lol i swear i will never get caught up with laundry..lol I swear it mates when i'm not looking..lol

there i go rambling again..lol
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Old 11-02-2011, 04:59 AM   #4
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Dh is probably very stressed about money responsibilities. We sometimes need to remember that men and women handle things very differently. My dh hasn't been to an u/s for the last 3 babies. We can't afford to take off, even if we could, that lost money could have gone to savings ( no CCs here). Try to chill! If dh comes home to a wreck of a wife, he's not gonna be very warm and loving. He's gonna wanna turn around and run. I'm only speaking from my own experience. I read a book that my priest gave me when I was angry about a couple of things about my DH. And one thing that will stay with me is that a husband spends his whole day in the hectic world trying to support a family, he should be able to come home to a "heaven". Everything should be nice and neat, calm and warm. Not *****ing and complaining about the stresses of everything. that a wife and kids should take a few minutes to prepare themselves and the house for dad to come home. And you know what..... It really works. Well, the book was really about changing yourself and the husband would follow by example. I'm not saying your doing anything wrong. Typically, wives want the hubs to fix everything, when the hubs wants to just enjoy his family and time off without any more stress. According to the book. I'm preggo and I'm struggling in the *****y department.
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Old 11-02-2011, 07:44 AM   #5
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Hugs mama! You are in a tough situation. My sister has her DH's child full time as her mother is also an addict. Couldn't imagine the stress of then adding another who you were told wasn't your husbands all along. But I do think you should try and relax a little. I think it is normal for both husband and wife to not be as excited for the 2nd just because you have done it before. DH hasn't come to my gender ultrasound either (I had two because they changed my dates at the first) he didn't come to any of the ob appts with the first and just my midwife interview this time because it will be homebirth and they suggested having both of us there. I do agree that husbands are out working hard all day and they really don't need to be guilt tripped about taking time off for our doctor appointments. Even if you can afford it (we could too) sometimes they are busy at work or worry about this bad economy and being laid off or losing future OT for not seeming like a team player. Have you asked your DH why? It just might not be as important to him as it is to you but that doesn't mean he doesn't love the new baby. Plus I have heard men bond way better once the baby is born and women can bond as soon as they know they are pregnant. We do so much more prepping, mental and physical so it makes sense. Good luck!
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Old 11-02-2011, 02:02 PM   #6
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Re: a vent about hubby...i'm loosing my mind

Thanks mammas for letting me vent!!! i know most of it is cause i'm a hormonal crazy lady...and i no he is stress...i'm stressed too, but not nearly like i thought i would be...so i dont no what i except from him cause i couldn't tell you other than act like you excited..lol

I had the sono to day its a girl...and he has to wait to find out till he gets home...LOL He has a red box full of pink baby clothes...lol he gets to open to find out..lol I think he was quit frustrated with me that i just didn't tell him..lol oh well he will find out sooner or later..lol
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Old 11-04-2011, 04:59 PM   #7
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Re: a vent about hubby...i'm loosing my mind

my hat off to you mama ,

sounds very stressful and im super happy for your family to have gotten the new little girl.
as for the dh , and the new baby , mine is doing slightly the same thing ...
hes not that into it lol , unno most of the time i put his hand on my belly , ive had a few times he puts his hand there but its not really to " feel " baby its more just were his hand lands....
as for dtd psh.... our sex life has gone out the window since the start of this year big time..... im lucky to get it once a week.....id say maybe twice a month....its driving me mad.... but then other months its quite a few its nuts....... who knows..... men are odd when babies come...

and in a way you gutta think of what happend to your family as if you just had twins in a sence kwim ??? you husband just pretty much had a new baby that he hasnt really been apart of her life for 5 year , then to know inside he could have prevented the life she lived if he listend to you , kwim ???

he might just be hurt too , or upset with him self , men hide emotions in lame *** ways lol
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