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Old 11-02-2011, 06:32 AM   #11
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Re: Starting over..maybe

Yeah, change is hard on people so everyone around you may cause drama but that doesn't mean you are wrong, it just means it makes them uncomfortable because it is different. I would tell the sitter what others have suggested, that if she brings it over it goes home with her. This is what we finally had to do with my mom and you know what? It worked like a charm. She has bought hardly anything! We currently have 1 movie that DD wanted to watch during nap time (she is 6 and doesn't sleep but must take quiet time) and it is going right back to my mom's house after that. That one movie is the only thing my mom has bought her in the last 3 months!

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Old 11-02-2011, 07:36 AM   #12
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Re: Starting over..maybe

One idea is to get the book simplicity parenting by Kim John Payne. Show it to the sitter, offer to let her read it, and tell her about the benefits of simplifying on children's development. Maybe if she sees you doing it as a benefit and as part of a parenting philosophy, she will be less likely to think of the children as being deprived. Also, it is pretty offensive for a caregiver to disregard a parenting philosophy, so maybe she would be more respectful.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:23 AM   #13
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Re: Starting over..maybe

I am shocked that she is bringing in all of that stuff. If you would like her to continue to sit for you, you are going to have to be honest with her. You are the boss- she is your employee, don't forget.

"You are so sweet to bring things for the children. They love you and love spending time with you. I am so grateful that I can rely on your help. I need to talk to you about all of the presents you are bringing for the kids. They are so well-meant and thoughtful, but it is adding so much stuff to our home. I am on a mission to declutter, and it is hard when you keep bringing more gifts in! I am going to pare down the girls' toys- they really don't need 15 purses! I'm going to let them keep two, and really reduce their toys in general. Some of the things I'm getting rid of were bought by you- would you like them back, or would you like me to donate them? If you want to bring a special toy for the kids to play with, that is fine, but let them know that you'll be taking it with you when you leave.

Same with clothes- we are being overrun. It was nice of you to buy things for the kids, but we really don't have room for anything else. I have asked you about this before, so please respect my request- no more gifts.

Also, I am trying to get the kids eating healthier, so from now on, I need you to only serve them the food I have in the house- no more junk food for them! Thanks so much for understanding. ."
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:32 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by flynnsmom
One idea is to get the book simplicity parenting by Kim John Payne. Show it to the sitter, offer to let her read it, and tell her about the benefits of simplifying on children's development. Maybe if she sees you doing it as a benefit and as part of a parenting philosophy, she will be less likely to think of the children as being deprived. Also, it is pretty offensive for a caregiver to disregard a parenting philosophy, so maybe she would be more respectful.
Ha! I've tried this! She actually told me if it were so bad her child wouldn't have turned out so well! Her daughter burns up the mall every second she's off work.

Y'all have given me the courage to speak to her. Before I was thinking i was overreacting perhaps. I mean its Good she cares enough about my kids, and shopping is her way of showing love.

She's coming mid week next wk and I will be here. I m just going to tell her it offends me that she does not take my instruction seriously. That I feel it's a slap in the face to tell her not to do something and her continually do it. And she will say, but mama it's just so cute, or she wants it.
And I'm going to say, I'm tired of trying to get you to agree or understand, this is my home, this is what goes, and i won't tolerate it any longer. They will eat healthier, brush their teeth, take their meds: and live by our rules 7 days a week. We can reach a compromise on food if you'd like, and I will tell you if they need clothes or toys and let you shop with my money, but that's it. No more.

That ok?
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:34 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by poopstermomma
I am shocked that she is bringing in all of that stuff. If you would like her to continue to sit for you, you are going to have to be honest with her. You are the boss- she is your employee, don't forget.

"You are so sweet to bring things for the children. They love you and love spending time with you. I am so grateful that I can rely on your help. I need to talk to you about all of the presents you are bringing for the kids. They are so well-meant and thoughtful, but it is adding so much stuff to our home. I am on a mission to declutter, and it is hard when you keep bringing more gifts in! I am going to pare down the girls' toys- they really don't need 15 purses! I'm going to let them keep two, and really reduce their toys in general. Some of the things I'm getting rid of were bought by you- would you like them back, or would you like me to donate them? If you want to bring a special toy for the kids to play with, that is fine, but let them know that you'll be taking it with you when you leave.

Same with clothes- we are being overrun. It was nice of you to buy things for the kids, but we really don't have room for anything else. I have asked you about this before, so please respect my request- no more gifts.

Also, I am trying to get the kids eating healthier, so from now on, I need you to only serve them the food I have in the house- no more junk food for them! Thanks so much for understanding. ."
We posted at the same time! I have had this discussion with her, and she stopped all but the food for a month or so. I took off a trailer load of toys and junk and clothes.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:35 AM   #16
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I'm gonna call her this morning. I'll let yall know how it goes.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:35 AM   #17
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Re: Starting over..maybe

Yep! That is more ballsy than I could pull off but I think that is what it is going to take. I probably would have to write her a letter and leave it on the weekend because I get all flubbed up and am better in writing LOL.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:37 AM   #18
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Re: Starting over..maybe

Ohhh! Keep us posted!
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:49 AM   #19
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Hope it went well!
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Old 11-02-2011, 09:05 AM   #20
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Re: Starting over..maybe

For my family it has taken constantly seeing the things that they buy being purged. For instance, my mom sent a bag of stuff down for us the other day 2 used books a new shirt for DS and a new Christmas tree ornament. DS really needs new clothes and I mentioned that to my mom so the shirt was a thoughtful gift so we kept that. The rest was junk so I left it all in the bag and put it in my ongoing goodwill pile. I think making purging a constant habit will help you both. You will get use to not letting it pile up and the people that buy things will learn to be more considerate in their purchases. Gifts are suppose to be thoughtful and nice, buying people unnecessary things you know they don't want is the opposite of gift giving. It's giving someone an unwanted burden. I hope your talk with her went well. You have to do what works for your family.

I constantly tell my family I want my children to learn to be happy and for material possessions not to be the center of their happiness. Too much stuff stresses me out and it is important for me to raise my children in an environment I function well in.
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