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Old 11-06-2011, 12:12 PM   #1
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Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

Everytime I visit my mom I leave mad and telling myself I will never talk to her again. haha. Sounds silly I know! She always makes me soo annoyed, and she's like talking to a brick wall! And ignorant one at that!

She doesn't know or understand anything about homeschooling. The other day I went by to say hello with dd1 and dd2 (dd3 was home with dh). She started asking dd1 is she liked being homeschooled. Then when she said yes she didn't say anything. Then a few minutes later asked her if she missed her friends.

There is nothing wrong with asking these questions. But I know her purpose behind it. She doesn't agree with the homeschooling idea. So she was "fishing". And that really makes me mad!

I ended up telling her that she had raised her kids, now let me raise mine. And she knew I was mad, and tried to say that when my kids get older I will be doing the same thing she is bc I care. And that the only reason why she butts in is bc she cares.

It's so frustrating!! I seriously have had no negativity about our choice to homeschool, except from her.
I just don't know what to do.

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Old 11-06-2011, 12:21 PM   #2
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Re: Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

our family is actually pretty good about the hsing thing, but we always get "so A, have you started school yet?" ... like hsing isn't actually teaching her anything. sil teaches 8th grade, and i don't think that helps at all. everyone is very nice, but we do get the passive comments. sometimes i try to ignore them, and sometimes i try to show off by telling them all the cool things we're doing at home. it sucks though, that's for sure!
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Old 11-06-2011, 01:01 PM   #3
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Re: Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

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Originally Posted by jenhill View Post
Everytime I visit my mom I leave mad and telling myself I will never talk to her again. haha. Sounds silly I know! She always makes me soo annoyed, and she's like talking to a brick wall! And ignorant one at that!

She doesn't know or understand anything about homeschooling. The other day I went by to say hello with dd1 and dd2 (dd3 was home with dh). She started asking dd1 is she liked being homeschooled. Then when she said yes she didn't say anything. Then a few minutes later asked her if she missed her friends.

There is nothing wrong with asking these questions. But I know her purpose behind it. She doesn't agree with the homeschooling idea. So she was "fishing". And that really makes me mad!

I ended up telling her that she had raised her kids, now let me raise mine. And she knew I was mad, and tried to say that when my kids get older I will be doing the same thing she is bc I care. And that the only reason why she butts in is bc she cares.

It's so frustrating!! I seriously have had no negativity about our choice to homeschool, except from her.
I just don't know what to do.
Not silly at all! I haven't talked with my mom in nearly 2 years. Actually, she emailed me today to apologize for yelling 2 years ago. Um... NOT the reason why I don't want anything to do with you. Anyways... back to you!!

I'm sorry she's not being understanding. The wonderful thing is when your children are older she will have nothing but praise about HSing. I've seen it in so many mom that have HSd their children, who are now teenagers. Their families were un-supportive and critcal for 10+ years and now they're amazed at their wonderful, intelligent grand-children. HSing is not easy, heck raising little ones is not easy! But in the long run it's so worth it and people (mom) will notice one day.

Also, I think there is something wrong with her asking those questions. She putting seeds into your children's mind. Like do you miss your friends? And then there she is possibly thinking she's not getting enough time with her friends or she's missing out because she isn't in a public school. Those questions may seem innocent enough, but they are undermining... obviously because you wouldn't get upset about her asking. Anyhoo... That's my
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Old 11-06-2011, 06:08 PM   #4
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Re: Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your struggle.

I know almost everyone have a nutty mom. (LOL!) But mine's pretty nutty. I think perhaps she might be elligeable to be awarded "the nuttiest mom on DS.com" lol

I won't even get into how nutty she is in detail here since thread is not about her. lol

But here's the thing, your homeschooling your children is not about her, it's mainly about you and your kids, especially your kids. So what she says does not really matter.

Yes, it is super annoying. You just have to turn the switch off when she starts annoying you like that.

As much as I wish I could... I can not:

A: Get everyone's understanding and support on homeschooling (or anything else for that matter).

B: Get everyone's support to be better influence on my kids....... (less cuss words, etc)

People will just have whatever opinion they are going to have do whatever they want to do. And there's nothing much we can do about that. Try as we may, but people will just be who they are.


but what we have a control over is our decision. We can still

A. Choose to homeschool and have a positive attitude about it.

B. Be a good influence on our own children and teach them what's right and wrong

Despite what everyone else says or does.


when I named our youngest daughter, my mom did not care for the name we picked.
I did consult her before naming her. She did not have much opinion about that name then.

But after naming her, she kept saying Is it Sarah? (wrong name) no, is it Sally? (wong name again) why did you name her that? it should have been Suzan (I'm making up a name her). there's a famous celebrity by the name suzan, why couldn't you have named her that?

And that's the conversation she has with me every single time we talk and on every single emails she sends. lol I'm like what do you want me to do? but I kept telling her no mom, it's not Sarah, it's XXXX.

There's just nothing I can do about how she feels about her name, or what she says about it. I think when my baby gets old enough, she will probablly start telling her "Your name is weird. Your mom should have named you Suzan." or something like that. lol
Becuase when she makes negative comment on my children (i.e. your eldest daughter's legs are not straight.), I just say "Is that so? I see. Please just do not say that to her directly, so she won't think negatively of herself." but she makes a comment like she wants to tell her. lol

When that happenes, I just have to set my kids aside, and tell them, I know so-and so- said such and such to you, but it is not right. The truth is XXXXXX.
i.e. I know your grandma said your legs are not straight, but it's actually because you are still young. Your legs look just perfect and they can do so many things for you like running and doing ballet.
I think that's just all I can do.

I am already seeing many ppl putting input on our kids in the way we do not agree, I just have to keep educating them (or is it "re-educating" them? ) In the right way. I feel it is more challenging when it's family member since I do not want to dishonor them, but I do it when i see necessary.

You said you do not know what to do.
Would you really let what your mom says and the annoyance affect what you should do... as far as homeschooling goes?


Your mom said she cares about you. You can just take it as that. She cares about you. But her opinion does not have to affect your decision on "what to do."
I'm sure you have made your decision to homeschool for your own good reasons.(otherwise you won't care enough to try to keep homeschooling despite the struggle.)
You can just tell your mom, thank you for caring. I understand you are giving me advice becuase you care, but I'd very much appreciate it if you do not say negative opinions about homeschooling. I have made this decision for my reasons and we are managing just fabulously. We are very happy. when we get to meet and talk, I'd love to talk about something else so we can enjoy our time together much more.

and perhaps send her some homeschooling works children did to her to she can see their progress.

Know you are doing great. Feel great about it. You do not need your mom's approval to feel great about homeschooling. You have your children to help you feel the accomplishment and proud. As for your mom, maybe she will get to experience that and understand that someday, but if not, it's just her loss.

If talk to her works, or if you can somehow stop letting her opinions bother you, that's great. but if not, depending on how much this is affecting you, I think it's OK to distance yourself from your mom for a little while if that helps.


Good luck.
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Old 11-06-2011, 07:37 PM   #5
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Re: Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

I feel ya. Only it's my dad and not my mom. My mom used to feel that way but she has come around. My dad has flat out FOUGHT about my choice to HS. I've finally made my point (that these are MY kids) and he's stopped making those snarky comments but I know he still completely disagrees with me. It has made for a strained relationship. All you can do is stick to your guns and hope they come around when they SEE that the kids are fine.
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Old 11-06-2011, 10:13 PM   #6
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Re: Sometimes I want to scream at my mom!!!

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Originally Posted by SeaChellsRun View Post
Also, I think there is something wrong with her asking those questions. She putting seeds into your children's mind. Like do you miss your friends? And then there she is possibly thinking she's not getting enough time with her friends or she's missing out because she isn't in a public school. Those questions may seem innocent enough, but they are undermining... obviously because you wouldn't get upset about her asking. Anyhoo... That's my
I must say I agree Not so much the 'do you like homeschooling?'(what kid doesnt get asked if they like school ) but the 'dont you miss your friends?'(or dont you get bored, 'oh what do you learn? said with so much negativity that a 6 year old can pick up on it) questions totally piss me off. School, either public or at home, is NOT about friends, it's about LEARNING! Play time is for friends. DD1 once had someone ask if she missed not being with her friends all day. After looking at me totally confused she just said no. Later she asked if kids in public school got to play all day and although we had a nice talk about the schooling differences that ? made her think that she was doing something wrong and *that* pissed me off.

I dont know what I would do if my family wasnt supportive-or didnt keep their thoughts to themselves After a while I'd probably let the smarty pants out and say something like 'Well Mom you must be the only one that cares b/c you're the only one that questions OUR desicion'
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