Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-21-2011, 11:32 AM   #11
sisu
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 7,367
Re: I feel like a failure this time

I think you're amazing, mama, and anything but a failure. I can't imagine taking care of two new babies, just having one is a huge challenge for most of us.

Advertisement

sisu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2011, 11:48 AM   #12
litllegreekmama's Avatar
litllegreekmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 967
Re: I feel like a failure this time

my heart hurts for you mama! I have no had these specific trials, but I did go through PPD with my son, and I remember the feeling like noone needed me, even him, and that everyone in the world could do a better job than me. I nursed him and I still felt like there was a disconnect, even more when he was a few months old. I still feel sometimes as if he preffers everyone else BUT me...but I know that's just my emotions getting away with me!
YOU are their mama, and YOU carried them...noone else can say that! Our bodies are so imperfect and sometimes they just don't do what we expect them to. For some of us it's hard to be pregnant, but we can breastfeed..for some it's the other way, or something altogether different. You HEART is what matters! I bet even when you feel your worst, like you can't connect with your babies you would do ANYTHING for them! THAT is a mother who loves their baby!
As others have said do whatever you need to to get yourself feeling better! I wholeheartedly encourage pampering yourself(get your hair done/nails done buy some new clothes!) and "venting" with another mama face to face REGULARLY. I met with someone WEEKLY for months while i was going through PPD, and even after I met with her frequently to keep myself from going down that road again!
Please don't beat yourself up! You are a wonderful, good, loving mama I am SURE!
__________________
Laura, Wesley's (6/09) Mama, and J's Wifey. And THRILLED to have my little girl, Penny on the outside born 11/1/11!
litllegreekmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2011, 11:55 AM   #13
meesh38
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Washington State
Posts: 226
Re: I feel like a failure this time

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I had twins 6 weeks ago and I know how hard it is. I actually went on an antidepressant a week after they were born and I am feeling SO much better. I let PPD ruin the first year with my last dd and I refused to do that again. For awhile I was feeling like I couldn't do this and now I am really enjoying them and I'm so glad I asked for help. I don't breastfeed either but our babies definitely need us. They need to hear our voice and smell our skin and see us look into their eyes. There is nothing like a mommy, and that has nothing to do with breastfeeding. I think you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling.
meesh38 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2011, 09:44 AM   #14
Havah's Avatar
Havah
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,207
My Mood:
Re: I feel like a failure this time

Never had PPD, so at the risk of saying the wrong thing ...

You cannot fail these babies outside choosing to not love them. Love is not a feeling; it is a decision. I had a c-section with DS after 68 hours of induced labor (12 of them hard labor, 4 hours of pushing). I had planned a natural labor but when we had to induce after the 42-week point ... I felt like a failure. And I was too exhausted to bond with him.

I suspect exhaustion and frustration are the root of your lack of bonding as well. Like the other mamas, I'm so glad you're getting help. And not producing isn't a failure, either. I understand it feels that way, and I won't insult you by invalidating your feelings. I'm just asking that you identify truth every morning. God entrusted you with these wee ones and He doesn't make mistakes. Just give yourself time. These babies do need you - you are the only mother they have!

and for your healing ...
__________________
Jeanne, blessed wife to my best friend EJ , SAHM to
spectrum E 09/06, 06/08, Wyn 10/09, Rose 10/11 & River 03/14
Havah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2011, 12:10 PM   #15
ma-meem's Avatar
ma-meem
Registered Users
Formerly: ecoMama2b
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,772
Re: I feel like a failure this time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havah View Post
Never had PPD, so at the risk of saying the wrong thing ...

You cannot fail these babies outside choosing to not love them. Love is not a feeling; it is a decision. I had a c-section with DS after 68 hours of induced labor (12 of them hard labor, 4 hours of pushing). I had planned a natural labor but when we had to induce after the 42-week point ... I felt like a failure. And I was too exhausted to bond with him.

I suspect exhaustion and frustration are the root of your lack of bonding as well. Like the other mamas, I'm so glad you're getting help. And not producing isn't a failure, either. I understand it feels that way, and I won't insult you by invalidating your feelings. I'm just asking that you identify truth every morning. God entrusted you with these wee ones and He doesn't make mistakes. Just give yourself time. These babies do need you - you are the only mother they have!

and for your healing ...
well said mama
__________________
mama to 5 boys and welcoming my first girl!, married to my BFF!
ma-meem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2011, 06:53 PM   #16
bpure8's Avatar
bpure8
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Utah
Posts: 4,523
My Mood:
Re: I feel like a failure this time

As a Mama who did NOT have twins or ever had a CS but Did deal with PPD and Supply issues with my 3rd. I can kind of relate. I am so very glad your getting help. It took me a very long time to admit it to anyone. Your getting help. That is a HUGE thing! Your babies need you. You need your children/babies.

I Love what Hungry Caterpillar said. I wish someone would have told me those same things as I was bottle feeding my 2 week old son over 12 years ago.

Jeanne had some wonderful things to say as well.

Please, take care of yourself. You have done a wonderful thing by allowing those 2 precious babies to grow within your womb. Nourishing them and helping them get big and strong. Preparing them for a life outside of you. What an Awesome gift you've given them. Take time for yourself.
__________________
Andrea ~ Wife to My Best friend, Brian of 19 years. DS~18, DD~17, DS~14, DD~9, DS~7, DD~4, and DD~2
bpure8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2011, 07:06 PM   #17
BrittBBT's Avatar
BrittBBT
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: CT
Posts: 1,312
My Mood:
Re: I feel like a failure this time

I just had to respond...

I have had severe PPD that led to me actually leaving my two older children. They were 8 and 21 months old at the time. My issues didn't stem from anything physical like yours are, but *I* really did just walk away. They are 7 and 8 now and don't know me. At least you haven't actually done what you think about doing... so you haven't failed.
I also have twins. They are going to be 3 in March. I had a vaginal birth and breastfed and I'm not a better mom because of that.
However, my UC this time resulted in my baby being in the NICU an hour away for 3 days...I felt like a failure.
__________________
Brittany-mama to a bunch!Wife to Joseph Missing Zahra and Jayden my NCC and SAHM to Evan (5) Gavin & Bryce (3) and Avery (10.27.11)My planned UC, Daddy-caught Boobie Monster! 8lbs, 20'' long and 14'' head circum.
BrittBBT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 11:21 AM   #18
MyCrazy8's Avatar
MyCrazy8
Registered Users
Formerly: momto6
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 614
My Mood:
Re: I feel like a failure this time

Thank you for the advice & support, it really means a lot!

I'm feeling a bit better, I think the meds are kicking in. I'm still struggling with the feelings of letting the babies down because I can't breastfeed them. It's a stab in the heart everytime I make a bottle. I think about all the benefits of breastfeeding, the life long benefits, and I cry, knowing they won't have that. I worry about the negative affects FF will have on them too. It's very hard to not be able to call myself a BFing mom, when I haven't had any problems in the past with it.

I hope that I'm able to continue going to therapy, I think it will do a lot of good for me.
__________________
Mom to 4 boys & 4 girls!!! Our , born 10/17/11!!
MyCrazy8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 05:26 PM   #19
ambersrose's Avatar
ambersrose
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Land of Enchantment
Posts: 2,075
My Mood:
Re: I feel like a failure this time

Quote:
Originally Posted by momto6 View Post
Thank you for the advice & support, it really means a lot!

I'm feeling a bit better, I think the meds are kicking in. I'm still struggling with the feelings of letting the babies down because I can't breastfeed them. It's a stab in the heart everytime I make a bottle. I think about all the benefits of breastfeeding, the life long benefits, and I cry, knowing they won't have that. I worry about the negative affects FF will have on them too. It's very hard to not be able to call myself a BFing mom, when I haven't had any problems in the past with it.

I hope that I'm able to continue going to therapy, I think it will do a lot of good for me.
thinking of you and hoping you find peace.
__________________
Mother, Wife, lover of life.
ambersrose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 05:40 PM   #20
Laura Turtle Girl's Avatar
Laura Turtle Girl
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 79
Re: I feel like a failure this time, update in post #18

I also had c/s then breastfeeding problems. THEN I had a VBAC and still had bfeeding problems and I took domperidone right away with ds 2! Sometimes it is just not meant to be.

One thing I would add to what everyone else has said is about the PPD. I have had an extended period of PPD that is still going on a year after my son was born. My case is severe, but I just want to urge you that if the Zoloft doesn't do the job (I am on that also) or months from now you start to feel bad again, look into getting your hormones checked. They could be out of whack and exacerbating the PPD.

Sorry, don't mean to unload this on you, but it took me a while to find a doc who knew about this stuff and could help me and I worry others suffer without ever knowing a hormone issue could be a part of the problem.

Will keep you in my prayers,
Laura E.
Laura Turtle Girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.