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Old 12-13-2011, 03:23 PM   #11
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

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Ugh. We went through a phase like that. I definitely battle my desire to be as "attachment parenting" as possible during phases like that. I did stop nighttime feedings after I noticed DS wasn't really eating. It went along with getting him to nap on his own - we found a new way to comfort him back down. I can't ever do CIO - but at 6 months I felt it was a good time to start creating other associations than myself for sleepytime.
Please tell me what worked for you!! I've tried googling some solutions but it's either stuff I've been doing for ages or nobody has tips for attachment or co-sleeping parents. DS sleeps GREAT for DH, even naps well for him when I'm at work, I'm just good for the boob apparently. I try to stay grateful and keep it in perspective (I found out recently that I girl I knew in high school just delivered her baby at 28 weeks, so she can't even sleep under the same roof as the baby much less nurse him ), but there is a certain point where he's not eating and only rooting to help him fall back asleep.

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Old 12-13-2011, 04:37 PM   #12
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Have you looked at The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? She has a whole method to getting them to sleep w/o being on the boob...worked good for us.

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Old 12-14-2011, 04:23 PM   #13
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

I do a modified Baby Whisperer approach. Basically I just perused the forums and got the general idea of what to do. There is a pick up/put down method I DON'T do because it just seemed to confuse DS. What does your DH do to get him to sleep? I found that if I did what my husband did, it worked after awhile. There was a few days of confusion and crying for DS because I wouldn't nurse him back to sleep but held him and bounced him.

It's different for everyone, but part of the reason I didn't co-sleep in the bed was DS is very high needs and would comfort nurse all night if he could. I'm not that selfless. I used to do that for naps and he never got great rest because he was half asleep half nursing. I found that he gets more restorative rest when he DOESN'T have access to boob 24/7. My thoughts on the matter are very different now than when he was a baby. My thought is that when they're newborns there can never be enough attachment/connection. Once DS outgrew the Arm's Reach co-sleeper and moved to his crib in our room, he seemed to like his independence and having a place to roll and stretch in for sleep.

It's totally a matter of what you want and can handle. I always replay this line in my head from a Dr. Sears book "If you resent something, change it." I started to resent the fact that DS needed that constant boob attachment for sleep. It took us a couple of weeks (and we still have regressions) to establish good naps and nighttime sleep, but I know I feel a lot more sane and happy with that boob/sleep association gone.

Another thought - can your DH get your son back down at night instead of you having to do it? I know you sidecar so it's harder. But I think basically, if your son is just comfort nursing every time he wakes up you need to break that association to help him establish good sleep patterns.

I know this all seems so NON-AP and it probably is, but it's what worked for us. And I don't think an irritated parent, no matter how attached, is a good one!
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Old 12-15-2011, 02:28 AM   #14
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

Thank you both for the suggestions! I'm going to look them up and see what we can try over the weekend (I don't try anything new on nights I have to work ). DH will rock/bounce him and sometimes let DS sleep on his chest (though not all the time). My mom can also get DS to sleep by walking/rocking/bouncing, so I do think he associates sleep with me as sleep with the boob and if I let him, he will comfort nurse all night long. Lately, he's been giving me a couple of hours before he wants to nurse more, but after that it's still pretty frequent for the rest of the night. When he was teething I knew there was nothing I could really do, but he's been doing this since October and his two first teeth are still the only ones we've found.
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Old 12-15-2011, 08:56 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherrycoke
Thank you both for the suggestions! I'm going to look them up and see what we can try over the weekend (I don't try anything new on nights I have to work ). DH will rock/bounce him and sometimes let DS sleep on his chest (though not all the time). My mom can also get DS to sleep by walking/rocking/bouncing, so I do think he associates sleep with me as sleep with the boob and if I let him, he will comfort nurse all night long. Lately, he's been giving me a couple of hours before he wants to nurse more, but after that it's still pretty frequent for the rest of the night. When he was teething I knew there was nothing I could really do, but he's been doing this since October and his two first teeth are still the only ones we've found.
He is probably still teething, fwiw, they can move around inside his gums before they ever pop through, which can be pretty painful. Hope you can find a sleep solution that works for your family!

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Old 12-15-2011, 11:12 AM   #16
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

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Thank you both for the suggestions! I'm going to look them up and see what we can try over the weekend (I don't try anything new on nights I have to work ). DH will rock/bounce him and sometimes let DS sleep on his chest (though not all the time). My mom can also get DS to sleep by walking/rocking/bouncing, so I do think he associates sleep with me as sleep with the boob and if I let him, he will comfort nurse all night long. Lately, he's been giving me a couple of hours before he wants to nurse more, but after that it's still pretty frequent for the rest of the night. When he was teething I knew there was nothing I could really do, but he's been doing this since October and his two first teeth are still the only ones we've found.
Keep us posted on what works for you (and what doesn't!) We're definitely here for support.

AFM - I feel strange lately. I'm wondering if starting solids and my milk supply changing has affected hormone levels or something. I feel really irritated all the time. It's difficult, especially when DS isn't sleeping well. I get really frustrated. I get frustrated at DS. I get frustrated at DH. I get frustrated at the dog. I don't have the same patience I did in the first 5-6 months. Has this happened to anyone else? I fear it means my hormones are changing to the point that my period will return. What a glorious year and some months it's been without having a period (minus the postpartum stuff.) Anyhow, that's where I am.
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Old 12-15-2011, 01:28 PM   #17
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

cherrycoke - I don't know why everyone says the beginning is the hardest. I generally think that as children get older, it only gets more complicated. Their needs in those first days are so basic. DD is very attached at night too. You are not alone. She slept on her own in her crib, put herself to sleep, everything from about 6 wks to 5 months. Then it just went downhill (in terms of independence) from there. My DS went through this stage also and I tried many times to change it and I think another factor in being able to make a transition is how much energy you have. Sometimes for me it was just easier to keep doing the night nursing than try to change anything. And there were certainly good days and bad days when I could cope more effectively with the loss of sleep and frustration. Anyway, just wanted to offer and I think the other mamas gave you some great suggestions about finding an alternative way to soothe your DS at night. Definitely keep us posted! Also, I agree with Rachel - teething goes on FOREVER! And can be on and off long before any teeth show signs of popping through (IME).

On that note, I have a question... do your LOs sleep with anything in their cribs? DD sleeps in our bed under the blanket but for some reason I am nervous to leave a blanket when she naps in her crib. Also, do your LOs have a lovey or some other toy you give them when it's time for nap/bed?

Julia - I do notice myself being very irritable but I think it's more just a general feeling of being overwhelmed. And DD still nurses at night so I'd be surprised if my cycle returned. I didn't get one until 15 months with DS. Not that that necessarily means anything. Just crossing my fingers.
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Old 12-15-2011, 01:32 PM   #18
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

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I know this all seems so NON-AP and it probably is, but it's what worked for us. And I don't think an irritated parent, no matter how attached, is a good one!
This sort of made me chuckle. I think you're totally right! Nothing works completely for everyone. Adults are all different and seem to be very accepting of this point of individuality but for some reason, parenting books and sleep books especially seem to think there is one right way to do things that will work for everyone if you just follow the rules. And I do not find this to be the case at all. I think finding a good mix of what you're comfortable with and what you can tolerate is the key! Along with following cues of your little one, of course! Most importantly.

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Old 12-17-2011, 05:56 PM   #19
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

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This sort of made me chuckle. I think you're totally right! Nothing works completely for everyone. Adults are all different and seem to be very accepting of this point of individuality but for some reason, parenting books and sleep books especially seem to think there is one right way to do things that will work for everyone if you just follow the rules. And I do not find this to be the case at all. I think finding a good mix of what you're comfortable with and what you can tolerate is the key! Along with following cues of your little one, of course! Most importantly.
I agree. I believe in things happening for a reason and learning from those things in life. What I've been taught in my short time as a mother is patience and not trying to control everything. I love control and am borderline OCD. DS has taught me that just when I think I've got everything under control, he'll change and need something else. And I have to be able to adjust to that.

There is so much judgment and advice in parenting when I really believe more in instinctual parenting. If it feels wrong, it is. If it's working, it's right. Life is easier that way.

On that same note, my control switch is being thrown these days by DS ROLLING ON HIS TUMMY TO SLEEP. I know that once they can roll, there's not much you can do about it. He used to do it in the early morning and only sleep a few hours like that (I rationalized that was okay in my head and totally different from a whole night.) But now he just flops himself over and goes to sleep. I go back and forth between thinking "oh good, he's asleep and now I can sleep" and "OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO DIE." (Hello, overstatement.) Anyone else living this?
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:57 PM   #20
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Re: *May 2011 Mamas - December Chat*

A little funny side note: The other day I was in desperate need of mommy alone time (got some today by going to work...of all things) and started thinking about how great it was being pregnant because everyone was concerned with how you were doing and held doors open for you, etc. I think I need some coddling. Or a massage.
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