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Old 12-07-2011, 01:18 PM   #1
happysmileylady
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TTC when it's not a good time to have a baby

DH and I are NTNP. As you can see by my siggie, we have a teen, a 3yr old and a 1yr old. We had always said 3 was our limit, but after #3 was born, we both decided we would be ok with 1 more.

DH is 41, he will be 42 in June. I am going to be 34 on Monday. So, our age is a major factor for us in our decisions about kids. We are NTNP for now, but have both decided that 42 is DH's upper limit. He doesn't want to be 65 when his kids are just graduating high school.

In our life, right now, another baby simply isn't practical. We have some serious issues going on with our teen, financially we aren't in the best position, and managing the two young ones now, with all of that, is sometimes difficult. But we are really feeling like it's now or never, because having another baby later just isn't an option for us.

I guess what I am asking is how do you reconcile the desire for another baby with the other factors that point against it?

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Old 12-09-2011, 06:56 PM   #2
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Re: TTC when it's not a good time to have a baby

I don't know. I really, really want another baby. We were done at 7, had our oopsie that ended up a loss, and then I decided I really do want another one. But we have teenager issues too. They are actually way better now than they were when I was preggo in 2010, but they are still there. Money is always an issue, but I figure I have everything I will need for at least 2 years....diapers, clothes, crib, car seat, mama milk.....and people seem to love to give us hand me downs. Our kids never have a lack of clothes. And the last thing that is against us having another is our car. But we are buying a 12 passenger van from my brother, so that is taken care of too. So that's how I reconcile it. My desire for another baby is so strong that I am very, very sad every month when I start AF. Everything else will work out. My dh's limit is 40, BTW, and he is turning 40 in May, so I'm feeling like a ticking time bomb!!! I don't want him to say we're done trying if it doesn't happen before then. I'd be so sad.
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Old 12-09-2011, 07:53 PM   #3
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Re: TTC when it's not a good time to have a baby

I can't comment on the older children issue but I can on the rest I would address your want of another baby vs. the sacrifices you will have to make or continue to make in order to have that baby. Our limit was me being 35 (I will be 34 in March with this one due April). I don't want to have the additional worries of carrying a baby later in life.

SO, we were done, done after DD. DH even told me at our 20 week u/s with her that we could be done since we were having a girl. I was okay with that even tho I wanted more but always thought I would want more. Before her 1st bday he asked if I wanted one more. I told him I most definatley did but would always want more but he agreed that adding one more wouldn't be so bad. We are not in a good place financially. We are trying to sell a business, he went back to school FT, I quit my PT job so he could and he now works 2 PT jobs. We are behind on our mortgage and struggle every month. Is it a great time for a baby, NO. Is there ever a great time for anything, I really doubt it! I am willing to struggle now, live a simple life in order to bring another life to our family. I don't want to be 40, with a bigger house, a great career but always mourn the 4th baby that could have been 'if' we had just done it. No one will suffer
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