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Old 12-07-2011, 04:26 PM   #1
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Unhappy Desperate for help with 3yo!

I will pay good money for someone to come potty train my kid. Okay, I'm only half kidding. But really - if someone did that for a living, I'd hire them right about now. DD is 3 and has regressed to the point where I'm ready to pull out my fitteds and wool and put her back in them. I don't know what went wrong but I'm at my wits end. I have been patient for so long and its starting to wear thin. Okay. To be honest my patience is gone. Both yesterday and today I've blown up at her for peeing in her pants. I feel like crap for doing it, but as I said I'm at my wits end....

This is summer she magically decided to potty train. Bada bing. I didn't have to do a darn thing. She was independently taking herself to the bathroom. Mostly just peeing. Sometimes she would poop in the potty, but more often she would just hold it until we put her pull-up on to go out of the house or go to bed and then she'd poop. I was fine with that. Then she just started having more and more accidents so we'd put her in pull ups for a few days to give her a break.

Now, for the past few months she won't use the potty independently at all. If we don't take her into the potty she'll just pee or poop in her underware. But only at home. At daycare she stays dry all day, other than maybe 2 accidents in the last 6 months. At home, she could care less. I just don't know what to do. At 3 years old she should be getting it by now. I really think she does get it and just doesn't care. I understand accidents and I wouldn't mind if she had an accident every now and then or even one a day but this is rediculous.

The only thing that I can think might be causing it is my neice living with us. My 21 mo old neice and my BIL live with us and have been for almost a year. She's getting into that "my" stage and the girls are fighting all the time. I've noticed that last few weeks that when DD doesn't get her way she'll crawl on the floor toward me and "eh, eh" like she did before she could speak. I don't know if the tension with my neice is the cause of her regression or if its something else, but I really need help. Unfortunately my BIL is laid off and has no money to get his own place, so that's not an option.

I finally resorted to taking a toy away when she has an accident. I don't know what else to do. I've talking to her rationally (but age appropriate) about it, tried treats when she does go. I tried a chart that we put stickers on when she goes all day without an accident. The longest she's gone is 3 days in a row, and that was ages ago... I'm getting so darn mad at her when she pees in her underware and I hate it. I don't want to make it worse by getting mad and making her feel ashamed. I was a late bedwetter (6-7 yrs old) and my step-grandmother used to humiliate me over it. I would never want to do that to my daughter. I just need help. Do I just go back to diapers? I am so desperate for advice. I'm in tears while I'm typing this... please help!

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Old 12-12-2011, 10:34 AM   #2
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

Personally, I don't feel like there is a problem with a little shame/humiliation/discipline for potty accidents when the circumstances are ordinary and you know she knows "how" but refuses to. When I had problems like that I make the consequences natural if I could (like you have to clean up the mess yourself, etc) unless that meant it was fun (my youngest thinks bathing is great fun, so that won't work for her). If that didn't work, I'd up the ante a bit until I found something that did work. Sometimes positive reinforcement works better, but sometimes negative reinforcement works better, too. And there is a HUGE difference in disciplining/humiliating a child for wetting their pants because they couldn't stop playing long enough to go to the potty and because they wet the bed. HUGE difference. If you think negative reinforcement is the way to go, you shouldn't feel guilty about it, because then you won't be consistent, and it won't work anyway. Try something, commit to it, and follow through. Don't let mommy guilt make you feel like it is the wrong thing. You know your child best!!
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Old 12-20-2011, 08:07 AM   #3
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

OP I have no advice... I'm in a similar situation w my dd. Has it gotten any better? What have you tried since your post?
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Old 01-15-2012, 12:07 PM   #4
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

No words of wisdom as my almost 3 yo has been peepotty trained for over 6 months but will not pooP on the potty. She always poops in her underwear. I am at my wits end with this also and don't know what to do. I took her fav toy yesterday so I told her she can have it back today if she tries to poop on the potty, I will see if it works or not. She cried and said she didn't want to poop on the potty but I told her she just needs to try first. God I hope something works soon cuz I feel like my 8.5 mo will be trained first at this point.. Good luck momma!
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Old 01-15-2012, 01:15 PM   #5
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

Bumping this thread back up because I think we all need a little support in the potty training area.

Any advice out there mamas with ways to get the job done in the are of potty training? Books to read or personal experience?

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Originally Posted by beci24 View Post
No words of wisdom as my almost 3 yo has been peepotty trained for over 6 months but will not pooP on the potty. She always poops in her underwear. I am at my wits end with this also and don't know what to do. I took her fav toy yesterday so I told her she can have it back today if she tries to poop on the potty, I will see if it works or not. She cried and said she didn't want to poop on the potty but I told her she just needs to try first. God I hope something works soon cuz I feel like my 8.5 mo will be trained first at this point.. Good luck momma!
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Old 01-25-2012, 07:35 PM   #6
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

I'm in this boat, too. My DD is almost 3.5, and not potty trained. She will go if we put her on the potty, both pee and poo, but will NEVER tell us that she has to go. If we don't take her for scheduled potty breaks, she will wet her pants. She doesn't tell us when her pants are wet. Most of the time, if I ask her if her pants are wet, she says no. It is like she doesn't even know when she has to go, or if she has gone.
I was just coming here to post my own story, and thought that I would throw in my "me too" here as well.
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:55 AM   #7
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

There is a mama here on this board that is a friend of mine and went through the same thing. Her 3 1/2 yr old son would stay dry at school but not at home. I am not sure how she ultimately trained him but I will direct her here
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:54 AM   #8
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

The only thing that worked for my DS was TIME and him deciding I think. He PL'd pretty easily at 2y4m last Feb, had stretches of pee accidents off and on for 6m and has been dry since. Poop is another story- very off and on. He had a short phase of pooping in his room, then just recently (at 3y3m) had a month or so of poop on the floor or in his pants at home. He really has had no problems at school (a few incidents during nap/quiet time). His poop has tended to be soft, so I figured some it was that. I just think pee/poop is pretty much the only thing kids have 100% control over- not food, sleep, school, etc, and so when they going through a phase of asserting independence (or feeling less control) that is where it shows up. I have a particularly stubborn/opinionated DS, though verbal and quite capable, it is just something we go through. My goal is to minimize the time he is in a phase, but let him move out of it on his own. I told him I was upset and disappointed, but tried to comfort him after he was all cleaned up because in the end he was upset too.
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:28 AM   #9
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

Just thought I would update for us- NO change. She will not poop on the potty I have several new toys that have been on top of the fridge for her now for almost a yr and she just can't do it. I really think part of her problem is that she has never poopped sitting down always standing up or leaning on something. Even as a baby if she needed to poop while sitting like in her carseat while out she would cry til we got somewhere took her out and then she would find a place to stand and poop. Aaaaahhhhh no one in real life understands and my moms solution is to spank her but I don't think that will help and I don't want her to really regress. Gosh I wish that someone could tell me how to fix this. We have been potty training for almost a yr now and by the time I get done with her my 9 month old DS will be starting at this rate. Thanks for listening to my vent
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:26 PM   #10
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Re: Desperate for help with 3yo!

Just want to say that I am at the beginning of this journey...but, my mom was a teacher with headstart for a while and she said that there was a little boy who knew how to use the potty but wouldn't. The parents were very frustrated so my mom worked with them to determine what the little boy liked absolutely best (his powerwheels) and then the parents told him that power wheels were only for big boys who used the potty and he could ride the power wheels only if he continued to use the potty (he also used the potty at headstart but not at home). I guess this really hit home for him because he did start using the potty at that point and realized it was more fun for him to be a big boy and do big boy things than to be a baby again (there was a new baby in the house if I remember correctly).

I have thought about this a lot because my son really has too many toys so if I take away any one, it is not that big of a deal, but I guess you need to think about what can she do now that she is big that she couldn't do before and take away that thing.
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