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Old 01-02-2012, 01:43 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by smashncakes
We had a friend (no longer friends) that did the same thing with letting her little one CIO...I babysat for her for a long time, but one of the last straws came when we watched her LO overnight and she insisted I lock her in the room at 7pm and make her CIO until she fell asleep, even if it took a few hours...because "she'll usually go for at least 3 or 4 hours with me". I was totally shocked & disgusted by the idea, but decided to just ignore her "advice", then as she's walking out the door, she adds "oh yeah, if she pukes because she won't stop crying, just make her sit/sleep in it, otherwise she'll never learn that its not okay to cry like that until she makes herself sick" My sister stayed friends with her for a short time after that and told me that when they did timeouts with the same LO, they didn't do a minute for each year of age, they did an HOUR. So their 2 year old was getting TWO HOUR TIMEOUTS for very minor age-appropriate things that could have been solved with simple redirection, like overly rough play. Yeah...we all pretty much promptly cut off friendship with her and called DCFS.
This just breaks my heart

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Old 01-02-2012, 01:55 PM   #22
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

If I am not mistaken, its Ferber's book that advocates intervals of checking on the child, 5 minutes, 10 minutes 15 minutes, and then hourly until morning and the book Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child advocates the "extinquishing" method of basically putting your child in bed and not going in at all. It is in that book also that he recommends not going in even if your child vomits and to put an extra thick layer of diaper cream on so you don't have to do changes at night even if they poop.
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Old 01-02-2012, 01:58 PM   #23
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If I am not mistaken, its Ferber's book that advocates intervals of checking on the child, 5 minutes, 10 minutes 15 minutes, and then hourly until morning and the book Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child advocates the "extinquishing" method of basically putting your child in bed and not going in at all. It is in that book also that he recommends not going in even if your child vomits and to put an extra thick layer of diaper cream on so you don't have to do changes at night even if they poop.
Oh geez sounds like how my fil thinks the healthy sleep habits, happy child part btw
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Old 01-02-2012, 02:44 PM   #24
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We used CIO with all our kids so far, although not in any textbook definition. I never set a timer or watched the clock for when I could go in again, I just judged on the sound of the cry. So it was more like fuss it out than cry it out. If it was fussing or just complaining (which I think we all know sounds very different than a real cry) I would wait to see if they calmed down in a few minutes or if it got worse. If the baby started crying while I was finishing my shower, if it wasn't intense I would still dry off and throw some clothes on before going and picking her up, partly because me getting her dripping wet with a towel falling off wasn't going to comfort anyone anyway but if it was a real cry I would get her as soon as possible. I also have my babies on a schedule and lay them down for naps while they're still awake from as close to day 1 as I can, and I'm not saying it's the magic answer for everyone, but all my kids are very good sleepers
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Old 01-02-2012, 06:52 PM   #25
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Oh no I don't think night terrors mean that someone misused CIO just that Dr. Sears noticed the correlation in his patients between night terrors and ppl who were hard core into CIO. And we all know that correlation and causation are NOT the same thing.
I had not heard of this before. You don't happen to have a link do you? My curiosity has been piqued.

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I also wonder if the type of personality that causes LO's to have a harder time self soothing also makes them more prone to night terrors (whether you let them CIO or not).
If a child has trouble self soothing, they probably aren't getting very good sleep at night and are overly tired-which IME leads to night terrors. I have heard some parents link certain foods to them as well. Again I think that those foods might cause less restful sleep, hence night terrors.

DS1 had regular night terrors from about age 2-4 when his Nana was his daily sitter and refused to enforce naps. ("He'll lay down and go to sleep on his couch if he's tired.") Never on a weekend when I had him and he got proper rest. A time or two when we were traveling out of town and he didn't get proper rest. And twice the first week of first grade-he was so stressed and tired that week.
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:04 PM   #26
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

Melissa I read it in one of his books but I will see if I can find it.

DH has night terrors that are for sure linked to lack of sleep.
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:36 PM   #27
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

Wow, I know this thread was about CIO but I'm learning some interesting information about night terrors.

DS is almost 20 months old. He room shared with us until he was almost 8 months old, and then easily transitioned to his crib, which he napped in. He takes regular naps at daycare 2-2.5 hours long each. We do not CIO. Some times he will fuss a bit after being laid down but I know if he is really upset b/c in his fussing/crying he starts calling "mama". The min I hear "mama" I go in there because I know he needs me.

He has never been a good sleeper. He woke up 2-3X a night until he was 8 months old, and then since then it has been 1-2X per night. He will go through stretches where he sleeps all night. If he starts crying (not just a fuss) in the night, I always go to him. He goes to be usually b/w 7-7:30 each night.

Saying all of that, we are dealing with night terrors horribly right now. Sometimes 2 or 3 per week and he is in a cold sweat with them. I always go to pick him up to comfort him, but he doesn't wake up he is stiff and limp. I'm at a loss. He cries out for me, but doesn't realize when I'm there holding him. The doc says its normal, but it is heartbreaking. Does anyone have any advice?
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Old 01-02-2012, 08:23 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Lanasmom
Wow, I know this thread was about CIO but I'm learning some interesting information about night terrors.

DS is almost 20 months old. He room shared with us until he was almost 8 months old, and then easily transitioned to his crib, which he napped in. He takes regular naps at daycare 2-2.5 hours long each. We do not CIO. Some times he will fuss a bit after being laid down but I know if he is really upset b/c in his fussing/crying he starts calling "mama". The min I hear "mama" I go in there because I know he needs me.

He has never been a good sleeper. He woke up 2-3X a night until he was 8 months old, and then since then it has been 1-2X per night. He will go through stretches where he sleeps all night. If he starts crying (not just a fuss) in the night, I always go to him. He goes to be usually b/w 7-7:30 each night.

Saying all of that, we are dealing with night terrors horribly right now. Sometimes 2 or 3 per week and he is in a cold sweat with them. I always go to pick him up to comfort him, but he doesn't wake up he is stiff and limp. I'm at a loss. He cries out for me, but doesn't realize when I'm there holding him. The doc says its normal, but it is heartbreaking. Does anyone have any advice?
I'm giggling a little at you saying he's a bad sleeper when my 1 year old wakes up 4-6 times a night.

As for night terrors I've heard it's better to not hold them or do anything because they don't know you're there and it can make it worse. I have no personal experience though. Good luck!
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Old 01-02-2012, 08:36 PM   #29
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

Oh my, this is one of THOSE threads

I am one of *those* parents who believe that at some point in that transition from infancy to toddlerhood sleep training is in the best interest of the child. I believe that my 22 month old daughter has well rested, healthier, happier days because she can lay down in her bed at night at 8 pm and go to sleep on her own, and generally get herself right back to sleep if she wakes in the night until she wakes up at 8 am. So, I am not digging the examples that equate not parenting to sleep with neglectful, cold hearted parenting. Not the same animal AT ALL! Allowing the child to develop the ability to self soothe isn't going to happen by leaving a baby to scream until they pass out... they won't learn arithmetic this way either. It requires enough guidance to get that baby to that point where she can relax and drift off on her own, and that isn't going to happen without giving the baby enough independence to try. It is not the easier choice for the parent either when done appropriately! When we started a CIO version of sleep training when DD was 12ish months old, I was in and out of the nursery 50 times a night to help DD calm and relax during the first week or two. It was and would've been MUCH easier to just pop a boob in DDs mouth until she drifted off to sleep, but the point was to help her develop self-soothing. As a mother in tune with my child, I can tell if my DD is fussing and settling down or is crying and working herself up. To this day I am out of bed within seconds if I hear she needs me, but in general I think her ability to be kissed good night, lay down, hug her baby doll and close her eyes is a wonderful thing and was worth the very short lived stressful period.
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Old 01-02-2012, 08:40 PM   #30
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I'm giggling a little at you saying he's a bad sleeper when my 1 year old wakes up 4-6 times a night.

As for night terrors I've heard it's better to not hold them or do anything because they don't know you're there and it can make it worse. I have no personal experience though. Good luck!
I heard the same thing. DS had night terrors for awhile and it is so hard when they can't be comforted. There's really not much you can do for them.
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