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Old 01-04-2012, 05:31 AM   #11
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

Do you and/or you son see a therapist regularly? I would talk through and episode like that in therapy and get an objective point of view of how to handle it. I find a third party helps, especially when we are so emotionally involved. Sometimes it is best to let your child go through something, sometimes not. I make lots of good and bad decisions as a mom. Especially with DS. I have to know the good outweighs the bad or I'd wear myself out with guilt! (oh wait, i do!) But I am only human.


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Old 01-04-2012, 10:21 AM   #12
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It is a pre-pre-k - 5th grade public elementary school that he attends. The school is huge. This is why it is so hard to get past the secretary to speak with anyone else. I did call and speak with the guidance counselor and the school psychologist both of which my son sees regularly. They agreed with me that the situation was not handled properly by the teacher and teachers aide. The solution we have come to if this were to happen again, is to allow myself and my son to stay in a small conference room that is near his classroom and let him have some time and some space to make his decision/ be informed by me and allow us to take it slowly and let him make the correct decision as oppose I forcing him while he is confused about what is going on. He is very smart, he just takes some time to process what you tell him. Today I woke him up about 45 minutes earlier than usual so that my husband and myself could both take time to talk to him an remind him that today is a school day and we are no longer on Christmas break.
He did very well and actually gave me a hug goodbye and waved. No tears

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We see a pediatric developmental psychiatrist every 3 months. My husband and I get counseling every other week by our pastor for marriage and family counseling. My son sees the school psychologist every 3rd Monday.
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Old 01-04-2012, 12:51 PM   #13
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

So glad you worked out a solution!!!
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:00 PM   #14
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

I'm so relieved that you got support from the school psychologist and guidance counselor! I'd still keep a close eye on that teacher if I was you - it sounds like her Autism training might be lacking. If you have any future problems or doubts I would definitely request a Functional Behavior Assesment to be completed by a certified behavior analyst trained in autism for the purpose of developing an appropriate behavior plan and to train school personnel. You'd want to use that official wording and probably request it via certified mail. An FBA would help you make sure that the teacher and aide are getting the training they need to respond appropriately and positively to any behavior issues your son has.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:42 PM   #15
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

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Old 01-04-2012, 11:13 PM   #16
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

I would talk with who ever supervises the early intervention program. I think the teacher was out of line. It is "normal" for children with special needs to have problems with schedule changes. Holidays and breaks at school upset thier schedule. Do you have a calender for him? I know he is only 3 1/2 but if at night you could look at it and say... "tommarow we have school ... Tommarow is Saturday. You don't go to school on saturday. " Maybe color code the school days? Then in the morning remind him that he is getting dressed for school. With MLK, President's day, Spring Break, etc comming up... it is going to be a "weird" schedule. We did something like that for my nephew (Autistic) and even though we thought he was not paying attention to it... I guess he was. He's 16 and "collects" calenders. Usually has 20 or so hanging in his room and marks every one off every night before bed!
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:04 AM   #17
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

I'm sorry you both had to go through all that. But I guess I like to look on the bright side of things... I think although this was a nasty situation that wasn't handled right AT ALL in the end you have gained the power to say "never again!". IMO it is hard to learn how to advocate and there is always bumps on the road BUT those bumps make you a stronger fighter in the end. I wish that all of us SN mom's would never need to stand up for our families and kids ever again. That they would just always have their needs met, properly, the first time. But that just isn't the world we live in sadly. I am really glad you were able to work out with the school a better plan. AND I am SO GLAD your DS came home happy!

For me learning these lessons was hard. I hate confrontation and am naturally a rule follower. I really struggled at times to find my voice against someone who is supposed to know "more" then me - like specialists etc. All of my kids have had health issues or SNs so I've had 9 years and 4 kids to practice on and it does get a lot easier to release the inner mama bear.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:33 PM   #18
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

I agree with every one else---also if my child was having that kind of visceral reaction toward being in a certain place or with a certain person I would be very concerned.

The teacher obviously had no hesitation putting her hands on your child in front of you or talking to him in a very demeaning way---I would wonder about how she treats the children when you're not there as well.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:18 PM   #19
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Re: I feel like a horrible Mom today

Originally Posted by jac1976 View Post
So sorry that you had a rough morning. I agree that the teacher was out of line. I was a pre-school teacher and would never put my hands on a child and force him/her to do something even during difficult transition times. I also think that you should have a talk with the school- calling to check on him after a horrible drop off like that is completely understandable, and the school should get that. I always encouraged my parents to call if there was a bad drop off. I knew that given time the child would be fine, and didn't want the parents worried all day.
Agree 100%. I worked as the lead teacher in a Pre K classroom for 4 years and I never once put my hands on a child or physically forced him or her do anything. If you have the right skills honestly you don't need to. I remember it taking about 10 minutes once to talk one of our auditory processing disorder/possible ASD kiddos back in after recess, but that is what I did. I talked, and I waited. And waited. He finally did respond. As a last resort I may have had to call his mom to come over to the school and talk to him, or possibly take him home if he wasn't able or willing to follow directions that day. But I never would have laid a finger on any of my students. I will take a willing hand and walk together, gently guiding, but never pulling. As a professional, I am very taken aback by her behavior. And as a mom of three ASD kiddos, I would be livid! Just remember that feeling, that yuck feeling deep in your gut when you knew this was not right. That's your warning, your red flag, nature's gift to you that its time to protect, to say no, this is not okay with me. BIG
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DS(18)DS(15) DS(13) DS(5) DS(2) and Baby DS
who are the love of my life and the bane of my existence all wrapped up in one wonderful wacky package.
And wife to my amazing DH who supports me in all I do!
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:51 PM   #20
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Oh I'm so sorry. That sounds so awful. Having a tiny bit of forced transition might be OK for some kids but not all, and not yours. You have a method that works.

Is this something you can address with an IEP meeting? If they're pushing a behavioral management strategy that leaves him in a breakdown, and refuse one that keeps him calm, that interferes with his education. What's that special ed law... Right to a free and *appropriate* education.

I'd definitely document it in writing too, write a letter to the school...
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