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Old 01-04-2012, 09:21 AM   #11
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If she is in dc, can they make her lay in a dark quiet room (with supervision obviously) for half an hour and have quiet time? Maybe that's something to start doing when you are home. Tell her she doesnt have to sleep but she must lay very quietly for half an hour. Chances are she may fall asleep. I like the semi-CIO method. Let her fuss for a few minutes, go in her room and hold her for a few until she's very calm to reassure her we are still there. Lay her down and go back in 5 minute intervals but only hold her the first time I go in, every other time I lay her down and rub her back until she calms down again. If she just gets hysterical between intervals I hold her each time until it gets to be just a cry/whine. It took about 30-45 minutes the first night and by the end of the week I was only going in once to hold her. CIO doesn't mean let them scream and puke themselves to exhaustion.

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Old 01-04-2012, 09:24 AM   #12
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

Maybe 6:30 is too early of a bed time. I would try a later bed time. Does she take a nap or rest during the day?

My 2.5 year old goes to bed between 8:30 and 9:30pm and gets up between 7:30 ad 8:30AM. He will take and hour rest/nap during the day.

Good luck.
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Old 01-04-2012, 09:42 AM   #13
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

Maybe bring her to bed with you to help her calm down and get sleepy. Then move her back to her bed.

Or try letting her know you mean business. Keep putting her back in her bed, tell her goodnight, mommy loves you, and leave. She gets up, you repeat.

Third idea - let daddy try something.
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Old 01-04-2012, 09:50 AM   #14
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She isn't in DC, I'm a nanny and she comes to work with me. We do have quiet time each day but she will not fall asleep.

We do allow her to fall asleep with us in her room, maybe this is a habit we should get out of with some of the methods you have mentioned.

She will settle down in our bed sometimes but not always. And DH just gets mad at her, it's better if I let him sleep and do it myself. He gets up at 3:30am for work.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:02 AM   #15
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

My DH will go and get crying kids or kids that can't sleep and bring them to bed and then he goes to the couch.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:10 AM   #16
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

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Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria View Post
We do allow her to fall asleep with us in her room, maybe this is a habit we should get out of with some of the methods you have mentioned.

She will settle down in our bed sometimes but not always. And DH just gets mad at her, it's better if I let him sleep and do it myself. He gets up at 3:30am for work.
The trick with whatever method you choose (as simplified in my little brain) is to parent her to almost sleep. How you do that is up to you, but then you have to let her do the rest. Over time, the amount you have to do should be less and less because she will learn how to do it herself.

There's a delicate balance to strike between being firm vs. being loving and attentive. I think as moms, we tend to go too far with the loving and comforting. For me, my DH helps me strike the balance by being more firm.

Also, does she have distracting toys or a light that makes her room too exciting for sleep?
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:12 AM   #17
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

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My DH will go and get crying kids or kids that can't sleep and bring them to bed and then he goes to the couch.
That works. I just think they should always wake up in their own bed.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:17 AM   #18
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

I would try putting her to bed at 8:00 p.m.

I personally think she's too old for "cry it out". I believe in Ferberizing kids, but that's something you do when they are tiny. And, by Ferberizing, it means to help a child learn to fall asleep alone. It doesn't mean crying til he or she finally cries himself to sleep.

I would try a whole new routine. Wait til later, make sure she's worn out, put her to bed with a story tape, or music, then leave her there for a few minutes. Say "I'll be right back" GO do something for four or five minutes, then go back. (always go back if you said you will) Do that every night and extend the amount of time, or do something busy in her room. (fold laundry on her dresser, sort through something) and tell her "Shh... go. To. Sleep".

If she's still waking at night, put a gate up on her door, and allow her to play in her room. Maybe she's one of those kids who doesn't need to sleep. (shudders)

I've had a few daycare kids who will wake up every single night and ransack the bedroom for a while, then fall asleep in the closet. Eventually the parents just strip the room of most things, and let the child play in his or her room.
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:18 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hpfgirl

The trick with whatever method you choose (as simplified in my little brain) is to parent her to almost sleep. How you do that is up to you, but then you have to let her do the rest. Over time, the amount you have to do should be less and less because she will learn how to do it herself.

There's a delicate balance to strike between being firm vs. being loving and attentive. I think as moms, we tend to go too far with the loving and comforting. For me, my DH helps me strike the balance by being more firm.

Also, does she have distracting toys or a light that makes her room too exciting for sleep?
I can't bold on my phone but your comment about being too loving and DH balancing with being firm is a VERY good point. I never thought about it and will definitely have a talk with DH about how we can do this together.

When I try and leave her room before she's asleep she cries. Should I hug/kiss and explain I'm leaving and let her cry? I'm very much a step 1, step 2 type person. Would you mind giving me an example of what you mean by writing it in steps :hid:? It really helps my brain understand.

She has a nightlight because she's scared of the dark. No toys other then her bedtime stuffy.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:24 AM   #20
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Re: CIO in toddlers...?

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When I try and leave her room before she's asleep she cries. Should I hug/kiss and explain I'm leaving and let her cry? I'm very much a step 1, step 2 type person. Would you mind giving me an example of what you mean by writing it in steps :hid:? It really helps my brain understand.
Yes! Okay, here's an example of a worst-case for W.

We brush teeth, read story, lay him in his crib. He pops up and starts bouncing. I lay him back down, cover him up, tell him I love him and leave. Most nights he talks and plays quietly with his lovey until he falls asleep. Sometimes there's some crying or protesting, but not more than 30 seconds or so. But tonight, he cries the heartbreaking cry that lasts more than a couple of minutes, so I know he needs more.

I offer water. "No!"

I check his temperature. He's not sick.

I try one more time to lay him back down because taking him out of bed should be my LAST option. I pat his back or massage his scalp, but no, he's not having it. He's writhing and sobbing. Okay, I get the message.

Plan A because heck, I'm super mom:
I grab his blanky and wrap him up tight in it. W also has a binky and a lovey. I sit with him in the chair in his room with the lights off and hold him tight. I do not talk, sing or offer any entertainment. I might say "shhhhh, time to stop wiggling" over and over. He struggles and screams at me, but I hold on. He needs to to teach him how to control his body. (He screams the heartbreaking, I'm dying cry. Woops, he's too hot. I strip off his clothes, wrap him back in the blanket and start again. Hey, I make a lot of mistakes!)

Eventually (2-3 minutes), he stops moving and I hear his breathing is getting calmer. I loosen my hold on him, but keep him snuggled close. I tell him how good he's being and give him lots of kisses. He might even giggle a little, which is fine. I know he's secure, relaxed and comfortable.

I ask him, "Are you ready to lay in your bed?"

"No."

I lay my head to the side and close my eyes so he's discouraged from interacting with me. 5 more minutes, his eyes start to droop and maybe he starts moving around like he's trying to get more comfortable.

"I'm going to put you in your bed now." This is where I try to be firm. He can get to sleep himself from this point.

I lay him down, cover him up, say "I love you. Goodnight, call me if you need anything." And leave. He might still protest or whine, but that's fine if it doesn't escalate.

Plan B because I'm tired, I might kill a kitten if I have to deal with this tonight:

"DH, I can't do this tonight. Will you please help W go to sleep?"

Then, I leave and let DH go at it. DH doesn't do it exactly like I do, but we have the same general philosophy: make sure the boy feels safe, relaxed and comfortable, then let him put himself to sleep. Don't give him any other options.

Plan C because it's the middle of the night and neither one of us can deal with a big long ritual:

"DH, just bring him in here."

DH checks diaper, offers water, then brings the boy in and lays him down next to me. He usually is fine and drifts back to sleep quickly. I put him back in his bed and go back to my bed.

Plan D because I know this child is just testing me:

Offer water, check diaper, check temperature of room and body, check that clothing is comfortable, whatever.

Lay the boy down, kiss the boy, cover him up, say "It's time to go to sleep. Lay down and close your eyes. Goodnight, mommy loves you." Leave. {Repeat as many times as necessary.}


I guess there's a pattern here. There's lots of ways to do it depending on the situation, but you're sending the same message with each one? Mommy loves you and will take care of your needs, but you have to go to sleep now and I will show you how.

Another way DH can help you is to have a talk with him and agree on a philosophy together. Have him watch you with her and critique you. I've been suprised at how insightful DH can be in pointing out where I'm making mistakes and letting the boy work me (aka mommy is not being firm enough). It's tough to swallow all that mommy pride, but it works.

Also remember that backsliding is totally normal when there big changes, excitement or stress in the house. Examples: she's sick, there's a new baby, we're at grandma's house, Christmas was sooooo exciting, I learned how to do a somersault (sp?) today, I started a new school/daycare today...
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