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Old 01-09-2012, 11:31 AM   #1
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Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

We won't consider adoption for at least a couple of years, but I was just thinking about it last night....

My youngest son was an "illegal" (in my state) homebirth.

All three of my boys have not been vaxed.

We go to a non-traditional physician.

We cosleep.

We are vegetarian.

We homeschool. (and don't grade/test)

Are any of these things investigated? I know that the government shuns these things, and I'm worried about someone coming into my home and digging around our medical records in the future. And if they aren't a problem with my bio-kids, am I able to do these things with adopted kids? Or does the state check in on them? (if we adopted an infant, would we be able to cosleep, or would we need a crib and separate room? Would we have to vaccinate him/her and take him/her to a traditional pediatrician? Would he/she have to go to a public school?

I guess I just wonder if they "check" on your parenting after the adoption, or if you are left alone once it's final? Can I parent by my instincts or do I have to parent by state-standards, kwim? Is it different depending on whether you just adopt or if you foster first?

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Old 01-09-2012, 11:35 AM   #2
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That depends on a lot of factors. If you do a private domestic adoption then all of that probably won't matter. If you want to adopt through foster care, the vaccines and the non-traditional doctor might be some hurdles to overcome. I am not familiar enough with international adoption.
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:24 PM   #3
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

It depends on how and who you use. Vegetarian is a non-issue. Homeschooling a child in foster care is a big issue and it probably will not be allowed. Its fine if you adopt. The same for vac. - its going to depend on how. It may not be an issue with private/attorney adoption, but for foster care they expect it done (in less there is a medical reason why) and will be a requirement for adoption (they may or may not care about your kids). For private/attorney, they may not care depending on the worker/attorney/state. For private/newborn/agency, it will depend on the agency. It is also expected that each child have a space of their own/bed. If you use them or not, is up to you but for foster care its especially important. For newborn, its not a big deal and many families like us don't have a nursery set up or buy much pre-baby. But, the worker who does the post-placement will expect to see a plan (we just had a PNP with a crib on order) and that was fine.

You are left alone post finalization so you are the parent and its a done deal. (for some, this is great and others like the support but you lose it all).
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:09 PM   #4
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

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Old 01-09-2012, 02:07 PM   #5
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

Thanks for all of the info It definitely seems like fostering to adopt is out for us. We may have to save for a little while longer and go the private route. It seems that it's just luck/good timing whether you find a bio-mom that would prefer our "type" of family in that case?
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Old 01-09-2012, 02:24 PM   #6
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

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Old 01-09-2012, 03:48 PM   #7
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

Yes, I would say foster-adopt would be out for you if you're not okay with parenting that child traditionally. For vaxing, our dfd's bmom didn't want her vax'ed and they convinced her to okay it. If she hadn't, they would have gotten a court order. My county actually doesn't mind homeschooling and I know they've let homeschooling parents do it foster kids if it was in their best interest. Cosleeping... Well, I did do it a little, but I'm sure it's a no-no. I didn't plan on it, but it's something that tends to happen naturally with me with newborns. They were 100% for having babies sleep in your room though which is nice.
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:16 PM   #8
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

I am currently foster/adopting our son. My two biogirls are:
homebirthed (illegal for midwives to practice in our state as well...)
delayed/non-vaxed
we will homeschool (oldest is only 2)
vegan
laid-back family doc., never a pediatrician
co-sleep
cloth diaper
babywear
BLW with no solids til a year

So, yeah. Very similar home to yours. We have only fostered children 14 months and younger. Our DFS has been with us since he was 13 weeks old.

When we applied to be foster parents, they did not ask us for vaccine records. They didn't care what doc we take DFS to. They could care less about CDs, eating Vegan, or the fact that I will homeschool.
The only accomodations we have had to make were these-
I was not allowed to breastfeed DFS.
He has to be vaccinated on schedule. The moment we adopt him, we will drop that schedule like a hot rock.
We had to have a "bed" (swing, moses basket, pack-n-play, crib) set up for him whenever SW came over. I didn't cosleep much as I was preggo til he was 9 months old, but it is an official "no no".

By time he is school aged, he will be ours to do with as we please.

So, yeah. As long as you can handle having to vax on schedule and formula feed, it's no big deal. ( I took lots and lots of deep breaths... and I am sad for him, but if those two things are the worst that happen to him in his little life with us, thank god. )

We were surprised that our crunchy lifestyle didn't matter to the system- we were prepared to lie through our teeth about the glories of public school and stock our fridge with hamburger! LOL
Good luck with whatever decisions you make in the future. Adding to your family through adoption is flat-out awesome!
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:27 PM   #9
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?

The non-vaxing would be a huge issue here for foster care. We have to vax and mostly on time. Our ped fudges that for us a bit by signing off on it, even though we're on an alternative schedule.
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Old 01-09-2012, 10:13 PM   #10
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Re: Alternative parenting decisions ever a problem for foster/adoption?


All three of my boys have not been vaxed.
-- We stopped vaxing my boys when my younger son was 6 months old. We were told that while we were able to be approved to adopt even though our boys weren't fully vaxed as we did have exemptions for them, we were required to have the twins we adopted vaxed between the time of placement and finalization. After it's finalized, they won't be checking up on you. We did our adoption through an agency, but if it had been a different agency we might have been able to not vax. It really depends on how you go about adopting.

We go to a non-traditional physician. -- We go to a traditional physician, but the girls had to have their doctor fill out a form before the adoption could be finalized. Our boys also had to have physicals (well child check) as part of the paper work type stuff before we were approved to adopt as did my husband and me.

We cosleep. We were never questioned on this at all. While we don't cosleep on a regular basis, we do when the girls really need us and are having a hard time sleeping on their own. I don't think this would be possible in a foster/adopt situation, though.



We were officially placed with our twin girls a few days after they were born, but we were at the hospital with them and took care of them since they were born for the most part. We can do schooling however we see fit, but that obviously won't be for awhile as they are just 9 months. Good luck in your journey to adoption if you decide to go down this path. I too was worried about the vaxing thing, but we'd rather have our girls in our family than fight them on the vaxing issue. Now that it's final, we are choosing to stop.
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